Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Simple Happy Marriage


Do you think marriage is suppose to be difficult?  If you listen to society, even the church, you would think that it is definitely suppose to be hard.  Divorce is rampant.  Most marriages don't seem to be happy.  So yes, marriage is suppose to be hard, right?  Mine sure was for 23 years.

I don't think it is...We have proved that.  Marriage has been simple for us the past eight years.  We are called to become one flesh.  So the most important thing is to make sure you marry a strong believer with deep roots in Jesus.  Next, get some good marriage mentoring.  Learn how to do it right, right from the start.

Ryan and Erin and Jon and Alyssa did it right.  They prayed for their spouse.  They wanted God to choose their spouse for them.  They wanted a spouse with deep roots in Jesus and a strong biblical foundation.  They learned that wives weren't suppose to nag, complain, and try to manipulate their husbands.  They knew the husbands should be the leaders of the home and love their wives.

Ryan and Erin have been married over two years.  Erin got pregnant on their honeymoon.  She spent nine months not feeling that good.  Life with an infant isn't easy.  They moved several times.  Ryan is trying to get his business off the ground.  But they are very happy together. They enjoy each other.  They still are very much in love.

Jon and Alyssa have been married over a year.  They moved to a different city, had to find a new church and start a new job.  They had to make new friends.  They are still crazy about each other. 

Neither of these couples fight or argue.  They live at peace with each other and try making the other one happy.  They are affectionate with one another and are happy to be together. {No, life is not perfect, but it is good, very good.}

Marriage should not be hard.  If you are married to a difficult man, I have a challenge for you.  For one month, try not arguing or nagging him at all.  Try being cheerful and warm towards him.  Try pleasing him and finding out what makes him happy.  Try not thinking one negative thought about him or saying one negative word to him. 

Your marriage may not be great after a month, but I bet it will be a lot better!  Women have a lot of power in marriages.  I have seen it over and over again.  Some women get upset with me and tell me I blame the women.  No, men aren't perfect but I do believe women usually wield more power in a marriage.  Even the Bible agrees with me ~

Every wise woman builds her house:
but the foolish plucks it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

How would you describe your marriage?  Simple or difficult???


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Comments (27)

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I dont think marriage should be hard but i also dont think its a piece of cake. It involves much prayer, consideration, and remembering that the world doesn't revolve around you. There will sometimes be struggles but choosing to love one another is important. There should always be 3 in a marriage : God, husband, wife. Still in love after 22 years.
I would describe my marriage as being simple. I wouldn't say it's been easy though. Any hardships have been dealt with us together as a team. Neither blaming the other. After 16 years he still brings a smile to my face when he enters the room.
Sheila Payne's avatar

Sheila Payne · 669 weeks ago

I love it when you give us cute pictures of your married children. I know you usually smile for a picture but your cute couples genuinely look happy. I am still praying for my sons to find that godly wife but currently we are still waiting. Oh I hope God has a precious, godly wife planned for them. Right now, there are not even ANY in their day to day life.
Is marriage hard? Hmm...i'd say it takes work. And sometimes that is hard. All relationships take work. They wouldn't take work if we were perfect human beings, but because we are not, it does take work. And sometimes, I believe that work IS hard. But in my marriage, it is still good. It is rich and sometimes we "fight," and it is still good. We learn how to work things out and work together. And our kids see that we don't always agree, but that we work through the differences and and resolve and love.
Marriages are only hard because we make them that way. My Husband and I have been married for almost four years and our marriage gets better every day. We respect, love, and honor one another. He works hard to provide for our family, and I work hard in our home. It's a partnership where we have to work together to make decisions on nearly everything.

There were times in the past where I was very harsh and bitter towards him, but God has totally changed my heart over the course of this journey. And to think we only knew each other two weeks before we got married...
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes we need to offer up our want to nag, fight, yell or be rude to our husband (for a good reason of course) as a sacrifice, prayer to the lord instead. Your blog has inspired me to offer up those moments of intense anger to the Lord as a prayer a sacrifice. I just give it to Him instead and look at my husband, smile and be meek.

It has worked to my advantage. A prayer of many years is answered. I always felt he chose his work and career over me then our family. After putting to action your advice he just last week STOPPED working over time (75-80) hours a week. He said he was cutting out travel and disconnecting his work email from his phone. He said once I'm home I'm home, I'll work at work. He then made plans to play t ball with our little boys (6, 4, and 2) then basketball. He has never done this. I know it is a result of prayer and my action to choose to live God's word, even when it's hard. I am SO grateful I found your blog!!
I love my husband very much. More than I thought I could ever love another person. I know the vast amount I love him today, will be doubled in a year. I am thankful that not only did I marry my best friend, but that my husband and I knew each other, good and bad, inside and out before getting married. We had no nasty surprises waiting for us. With all that said, I cannot say marriage is easy. It's high maintenance. It requires lots of attention, and care. Things are not always perfect, it takes maturity and a lot of vulnerability to have a successful marriage. So, all in all, no, my marriage is not simple, but it is wonderful none the less.
Oh yes, such good advice. We will be celebrating our 20th anniversary on Wednesday and I still have so long to go to just keep my mouth shut - but overall it is a very good marriage with 7 beautiful children.
So true. In my Bible study today we learned about how a woman has influence in her husband's life: for good or bad. So often the choice is up to us to create a peaceful environment in our homes. To be sure: it takes two...but often when one makes the first move the other will follow. Thank you for this great advice today. I'm popping over from The Better mom. - A Little R & R http://jukiczr.blogspot.com
I just read a beautiful blog highlighting the same things in their 6 year marriage. Thought you'd enjoy the read as well. http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/05/the-b...
Cynthia Swenson's avatar

Cynthia Swenson · 669 weeks ago

Ummmm...nine children...NOT so easy. Definitely worth it though! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
Let's say thank you to God for His grace in the seasons where marriage is simple - but let's also acknowledge He never assured us it would be - there is not one place in all of God's Word that says it is, or should be. What it teaches us are guidelines which, whether days are simple, challenging, or horrendously difficult, will help us grow into Christ likeness. This is a fallen world in which marriage partners are sinners, and tragedy, illness and sorrow come to most of us at some point in our lives - like Job, life can be joyously simple and blessed, marriage included, for a season that may be short or long, but only until God chooses to allow a season of testing...and then it can be excruciatingly difficult. Then He promises all that we need - His presence, His strength and His wisdom if we ask, but never a promise of a simple marriage.
For someone walking a dark path today - I am praying these thoughts will comfort you.
1 reply · active 669 weeks ago
Lori, your post is absolutely wonderful. My husband and I were talking about this very issue this morning. God did not design marriage to be hard. He designed it to be good. We've been married for 14 years and both of us surrendered to the Lord to choose our spouse. I lived through chronic illnesses for 10 years of our marriage starting at year one of our marriage. We have also lost our home along with my husband's business throughout our marriage as well. We have lived through downright difficult and grueling times but our marriage is an absolute blessing and gift from the Lord. Of course we as sin-filled people need to lay our self desires aside but that is one of the key components to a blessed marriage. Thanks for linking up to Marital Oneness Mondays. Your post was a wonderful fit and I hope you link up again next week!
AGREE! God designed marriage to be a wonderful, beautiful haven and just plain delicious - a treat! Married for 5 1/2 years, very much in love and at peace the whole time so far. This is what God intended for us. Marriage as a blessing, not a struggle.
I found you via Time-Warp Wife. I've been married for a year today and when people ask me how married life is, I usually tell them, "It's the best and hardest thing I've ever done."
Marriage is hard because it calls me to fight against my sinful nature and be loving, submissive, selfless, caring, and thoughtful--not something that comes naturally to a sinner!
Marriage is the BEST because I get to spend my life with my best friend, we are more in love every day, and God blesses us constantly. He designed marriage to be a blessing to both the husband and wife, their children, and everyone in their lives.
Nope, marriage isn't easy, but that's because we're sinners. It takes work, but the benefits and joys FAR outweigh the difficulties. I wouldn't want life any other way. :)
Following and looking forward to reading more!
Hope you will follow back.
Daisy @ http://trendymomreviews.blogspot.com
Thought provoking post. I know I love and enjoy my husband. I know that love doesn't always look like a warm, fuzzy feeling but has a deep rooted commitment and a daily choice. I think it has been refining and that God is using my spouse to shape and mold me. Bringing in three children in 4 years has added a new dynamic to the marriage that at times feels harder. However, we aren't big fighters, and we are huge proponents of helping people develop strong marriages and families. I see enough people struggling in marriage that I can't say that it is easy. After all, we are sinful and men and women are inherently different. Intentional work at the onset as well as our foundation of Christ have helped make it more successful sure.
My marriage has been very hard. With God's hand we have overcome infedility, job losses, and a child with special needs. A season of being in a pit of anger. Counseling was the best thing we ever did for our marriage. Did God design it to be hard? No But I think he did design it to be a partnership with him as it was in the garden. him working through us and us alowing him to work. Leaning on him for every decision. looking for the holy spirit to guide you every day. Always being willing to humble yourself for the sake of the other. Putting their needs above your own. allowing God to be the one to speak to the other and not nagging them and them shutting down. Our marriage is stronger today than it has ever been but it did not come without alot of scars and hard work.
I do think marriage is hard work and while I agree that it should be simple... life makes it difficult and complex. I have an incredible husband and God has guided us along this path for over 30 years. Stillbirths, miscarriages, raising children, working, and serving God are all challenges that can add to the complexity of married life. I would not change the road we have walked for an easier one...God has used the trials of life to refine us for Him!!
Marriage as an interpersonal relationship is like all other relationships filled with a myriad of moments that just are. Sometimes they are challenging and other times uplifting.

Aloha,
Following ya from the hop. I love how thought provoking your post is. Thanks for that.
We're riding the wave of life at localsugarhawaii.com and I'd love it if you'd join us for the ride.
xoxo,
Nicole
localsugarhawaii.com
I was married for 10 years to the wrong man. I got married for the wrong reasons to the wrong man. We tried, but we were both miserable.
Then I met the man I am married to now. It has been 30 years of a happy marriage. What a difference. He is my best friend, he is so good to me. I adore him and know he is a gift to me from God.
I was praying one morning for my marriage. (while still married to husband #1) and the Lord answered me with 'you shall have your special husband' and I was so excited. I kept praying. Life kept moving. My husband divorced me. I was turning 30, getting divorced, and feeling very very bad when I met the man who would become my next husband. It is funny how the Lord plans things. After 30 years together we still hold hands in the car, he calls me from work 2 times a day just to check in, (I stay home) he talks to me about everything....we are a team. I am so very blessed.
I'm a new GFC follower and love your blog. I would love if you stopped by and followed me at http://iheartpears.blogspot.com. I'll be back soon!
Wow! Thank you so much for this post! It was perfect and a wonderful reminder that I needed specifically today. What a blessing! This past year my husband and I got a lot out of 'The Love Dare' and this post was just a good reminder of some of the things that I learned through that book. Also, it's amazing how many small verses there are in Proverbs about women and their actions in the home. I pray that I'm growing stronger and stronger in my marriage with Christ at the head of it. Blessings! ~ Jamie
As someone who is not married, I can only say that many of the couples that I am surrounded by illustrate difficulty. The men aren't perfect in these marriages, and frankly some of them are terribly difficult. As a young woman though, I look more towards how the woman behaves in a relationship. This is my theory. Being around couples, I frequently hear wives acting in ways and saying things to their husbands that absolutely make me cringe. From little comments that belittle their masculinity to questioning their judgement or abilities to acting like they (the woman) "wear the pants in the family"... I wish that somebody would kindly point out to these women that even if their husband doesn't deserve respect or even positivity in their eyes, in the end treating him with the respect that God demands and a positive attitude, will make the marriage so much more peaceful and happy.
What a blessing when a marriage just rolls along simply! But to expect it always to do that may be unwise, even dangerous. I cringe at terrible attitudes I see in some women, too -- but also in some men. (There are such things as alcoholic or narcissistic or abusive husbands.) And I don't find a verifiably *easy* marriage in the whole Bible. All human relationships require effort and prayer to grow in beauty and honor God, and it's actually the tough stuff that brings about our growth and faith and closer knowledge of Him. We are fallen people married to fallen people, and that makes any relationship hard work at times. Some women have mountainous difficulties to face daily in their marriages. Let us not trivialize their pain by telling them if they were doing rightly it would just be simple.

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