Thursday, July 11, 2013

Are You A Carnal Wife?


A young man asked me recently how I mentor women to "fight fair" with their husbands or how they handle arguments.  I told him I tell them not to argue, period.  I read this in my Bible this morning which confirms what I teach.  For ye are yet carnal:  for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal and walk as men? I Corinthians 3:3

Therefore, when you find yourselves arguing with your husband, which always brings about divisions, remember that you are acting in a carnal way and you no longer want to be carnal.  You want to be a godly woman with deep roots in Jesus that can easily handle the meat of the word.

When you argue and quarrel, you prove that you are a carnal christian and can only handle milk.  You are a baby christian.  When you stop arguing and causing divisions with your husbands, you prove you are a mature christian that can handle meat.

I was a carnal christian, unbeknownst to me, for a long time.  I read books on how to fight fairly with your husband.  There were all these steps you must take and I would always forget all the steps.  It is so much easier just to remember to not argue.  Pursue peace with all men, especially your husband.  This is what pleases the Lord and this is what he deserves of us.

Living a mature christian life is so much better.  It is a richer life to live in harmony with your husband.  For some reason we forget that God's ways are best.  We know better.  However, once we start truly living in obedience to God, we so wish we had done it years earlier and prevented so much grief in our lives and in the lives of others.

Stop being a carnal christian.  Become a mature woman of God who only speaks words of edification and peace.  You will love it and so will your husband.


Comments (7)

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Gently Led · 611 weeks ago

Lori, thank you so much. Yes, I am a carnal wife! Your blog is helping me so much to understand what God thinks about my arguing with my husband and to become willing to change. I still react in anger a lot, but posts like this are a great reminder and encouragement to pursue godliness in my marriage. Thank you!
This is so right on. I will always be left with wondering what my first marriage would have been like had I not been living as a carnal Christian. I thank God everyday for His never ending love and mercy, and giving me this chance to do it right with my current husband. I would advise any wife out there to heed Lori's spiritually led advice. Thanks for your much needed ministry. Hopefully there are those following your advice because I have no doubt it will save many marriages. I share from experience of living both ways in a marriage. Even though I had always taken part of the blame for what my first marriage was like and ending it, I didn't really understand what a big difference I could have made if I had been following the kind of advice you share here. Not only for my ex husband and I, but the 4 children and now grandchildren that I, to this day, watch suffer from all those years of constant arguing. All i can do now is make this second marriage all God would want it to be. Thanks again. Hope your health has been completely restored so you can keep ministering to all of us, and hopefully keep others from some of the inevitable consequences of sin.
I believe in walking in love which includes no arguing. My husband and I discuss everything. He is a wonderful godly man. He told me that God told him to listen to what I have to say. My husband is the head of our home. I admire and respect him deeply. He does listen to me and I listen to him. We are a team. He asks me what I think. He does not demand. He tells me what he prefers and what he thinks is best. He tells me what God is telling him, he asks me what the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. Marriage is a partnership- a covenant. There are many women who do not respect their husbands. Too many husbands who do not love their wives. There are too many women who think marriage is nothing but bowing to wishes and demands of a husband. So far from the truth. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. We have never yelled and really never argued. If we disagree, we both listen to each other and pray. In every situation, we have always ended up in agreement. I choose to honor and respect y husband, and my dh truly loves me. I believe that is how Christ loves the church.
It is so easy for a woman that has NEVER been abused by her husband to tell other women how they should be. I have been married 45 years and have tried the best I know how to be a good wife, but it has not been appreciated. I was saved by Jesus my Saviour in 1972. I have prayed for my husband through the years to be saved also. He will be 67 in December 2013 and he is not saved yet. I was only 16 when we were married and he was 21. Thank God he doesn't drink alcoholic beverages or as far as I know has never committed adultery, but there is all kinds of other abuse one of them is mental abuse. So maybe some one needs to teach men how to treat there wives.
I don't believe that never arguing is always a good thing. A couple that never argues is missing an opportunity for growth, and potentially hiding issues that need to be out in the open. Conflict handled in an appropriate and smart way can strengthen couples and prove character. Of course, handled poorly and ineffectively can also be disastrous. Should a woman avoid yelling at her husband, belittling him, and stirring up major contention? Yes. Should a woman strive for peace with her husband? Absolutely! But to avoid all conflict - all arguing - period seems a bit extreme to me.

As A Christian, a woman is to strive for peace, but not in the absence of conflict. Your husband needs to know when you have an issue with him. You can bring up issues, express your emotions, and explain your thoughts to him while still being loving and respectful. Avoiding all arguments for the sake of "keeping the peace" isn't really solving any problems and works directly against building intimacy and being one flesh. I've been guilty of this before - not bringing up something my husband did to hurt me or not expressing my opinion in order to avoid an argument. But then my husband doesn't really know my heart, has no clue that I'm upset, and in not speaking up, I'm lying to myself that everything's okay because I've kept the peace. We aren't called to be peace keepers - we are to be peace makers.
1 reply · active 610 weeks ago
There is a difference between arguing and disagreeing. Children argue until they are taught how to behave and handle situations. Adults and married couples can disagree but not argue. To disagree is to have a difference of opinion and to express it. To argue is to try to persuade the other person, usually in a negative manner. I see arguing as a negative. I think a married couple can grow and be strengthened but not have to argue. Conversations can be respectful.
So often I hear "All couples argue". I've always known that this doesn't necessarily have to be true. I feel that a couple can go a lifetime without arguing even once. It's true that it takes some awareness, but I can only imagine how close and warm a couple that doesn't fight would feel about each other after years of being married.

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