Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Holding Onto Oneself

Terry Gaspard in this article sees many couples divorcing because the husband wants sex all the time, while the wife doesn't feel her emotional needs are being met.  She has named this pattern "holding onto oneself." This term describes the instinctual reactions that kick in when individuals frantically seek their own interests without considering the feelings and interests of their mates.

Commonly, one partner gets tired of pursuing and the other grows weary or gets angry about what they perceive as constant nagging. I've seen this pattern over and over again in the couples I've interviewed for my research.  To complicate matters, it's natural for one person to see their style as preferred and to be convinced that their partner needs to change - neglecting to see their part in the tug-of-war over intimacy.

The author comes to some pretty good conclusions on how to deal with this issue.  It is pretty much about compromising with each other.  Compromise is good but what if you have a husband that doesn't want to compromise.  He is tired of arguing with you and is contemplating moving on...

You be the one to stop "holding onto oneself" which is another word for selfishness and wanting your own way.  You be the one to begin giving your husband sex whenever he wants it and start becoming the help meet God has called you become.

Most marriages are in a power struggle.  This is the term I would give it.  Each partner wants their needs met and when they feel their needs aren't getting met, they get angry.  This begins the downward spiral of the marriage.

God made the husband as the head of the home.  He is the boss.  He may be a kind and benevolent boss or he may be a harsh one.  You are still commanded to submit and love him.  As you stop thinking about yourself and how you are not getting your needs met but instead put your mind on how you can meet your husband's needs, a funny thing happens.

You begin on the path of restoring your marriage.  A house divided falls.  A house united stands.  Stop giving into your emotional nature, do things God's ways, and watch how He will bless you!

What causes fights and quarrels among you? 
Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
James 4:1