Always Learning: Dating With A Purpose

Friday, July 19, 2013

Dating With A Purpose

The Duggar daughters were interviewed on their show and asked about dating. They said their parents taught them to date with a purpose, the purpose being marriage. This is pretty much what we taught our children.

The dating that is done today is silly. It is simply a means to satisfy one's own desires at a young age. Two young people get emotionally involved which usually leads to physical involvement with no thought of the future or marriage.

Heartbreak and games ensue along with loss of purity and pleasing the Lord. We encouraged our children to do things in groups in high school. Be friends with members of the opposite sex and use that time to figure out what qualities they wanted in a future spouse.

As they got older, they started dating with the purpose of figuring out if that person was "the one." They didn't simply just try someone out for fun, playing with their feelings, and leaving a trail of heartbreak. When I think back of my high school dating years, nothing much good came out of them even though I was fairly strict in my principles of conduct.

I dated because it was fun and everyone else was doing it. Whether you break someone else's heart or they break yours, it is no fun. Sure, even when you get older, you may find one you think is "the one" and get your heart broken. We can not escape broken hearts entirely but the older and more mature you are when you begin dating, the less chance you have of breaking hearts or having your heart broken.

When my children were in a position to marry, they usually date someone several times and know quite quickly if they are not "the one" and move on. Watching your grown up, mature, and godly children find their spouse and fall in love is a wonderful thing. Both of my married children knew quite quickly that they had found the one.

They sought God eagerly for the spouse He had chosen for them. If He can save our soul from death, He can certainly chose your spouse if you ask Him to and they all wanted Him to chose their spouse. He does a much better job than we can possibly ever do.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5,6

Comments (24)

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Misty · 610 weeks ago

Well said. We are raising our boys with the same values. Our pastor recently preached a very moving sermon on not dating at a youth meeting and it was quite eye-opening. We look forward to watching our boys grow in the Lord and find the lady that God intends to be their spouse.

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Tracy · 610 weeks ago

I read something like this on another blog not too long ago. I wish I had been taught this when I was a kid. But then I wish a lot of things were different, too

1 reply · active 609 weeks ago

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robink83 0p · 609 weeks ago

I too wish that I had been taught some of these very important lessons as a child... I guess it was a great lesson for me and my husband, we see the error of our parent's ways and can avoid making the same mistakes with our own children. Always a silver lining, I guess!

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Lindsay Harold · 610 weeks ago

My husband was the first man I ever dated. I waited to date until I found a man I knew was a good Christian and could therefore make a good spouse. Then we dated with the stated purpose of finding out whether or not we should marry. We lived about 100 miles apart, so our dates had to be intentional (and rather infrequent), but we talked a lot by phone and email and asked each other important questions about faith, family, goals, and values early on in our relationship. By the time we went on our second in-person date, I knew his views on all those important topics and knew this was the man I was going to marry. It doesn't take long when you know what you're looking for and you are intentional and direct about finding out each other's view before you get emotionally involved.

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Jamie · 610 weeks ago

Thank you for this post. My husband & I agree with this but often feel like we are the only ones. Your blog is such an encouragement to me.

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Deb · 610 weeks ago

Great post! I so agree! One of my daughters group dated a bit in high school. When she got to college, she dated to find "the one" and did so rather quickly. She married at 18 and just celebrated her ten-year anniversary yesterday. She and her husband have a lovely Christian family - such a blessing. My other daughter didn't even date until she was in college. After college she moved back home and dated to marry, but we were all shocked at how some of the young men would really play with her heart. It was hard to see her go through this when her intentions and actions were pure and chaste and shew as looking for a husband. She finally found a nice guy and they are married and have three little ones. They are coming up on eight years as a family. Oldest son got his heart broke in high school by a Christian girl and never really recovered. It helped destroy his faith. So sad. Now the good Christian girls drop him (we have seen this happen) and he says he would NEVER consider marrying a Christian girl. He is rebellion and it is so heartbreaking! Youngest son is, so far, doing things right. He has only gone on one group date to a church dance and enjoyed it because (his words) "girls were not slutty like the ones at high school." If he keeps on the path he is on, he will do well and marry well, I am sure. My husband and I married young (I was 19 - he was 23 ) and we just celebrated 34 years together! Thanks again for this post. I love reading your blog each morning!

2 replies · active 607 weeks ago

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David · 609 weeks ago

Do not ever give up praying for son who lost his faith. My mom always continued to pray for me and I am convinced her continued, relentless prayer for me moved our Lords hands over me.

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Karen · 607 weeks ago

Deb, one of my sons had a similar experience. Heartbroken by a Christian girl and it helped destroy his faith. He is also in rebellion. David, thanks for the encouragement.. I know God can redeem my son and use him, but it is hard watching the long process.

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jellibeanjournals 33p · 610 weeks ago

My husband and I met and determined our future "dates" would be with the sole purpose to determine whether or not we'd marry, as we both had that same mindset. Our heart is to teach our kids that same concept because we both had our hearts entangled with others before we were married and know the consequences it brings. Great post!

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Heather · 609 weeks ago

Great thoughts! I wish I would have dated for a purpose. I thought I was,but I really had no clue. Thankfully, the Lord didn't allow me to make a decision I would have really regretted. Those Duggar girls are so pretty!!

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staceface81 16p · 609 weeks ago

I agree 100% - dating is dumb. I LOVE how the Duggars approach this. My husband and I have discussed the same route - our daughter is only 4 right now, but it's nice to know that's how we will do things when the time comes. :-)
Visiting from Better Mom Monday.

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Lisa @ Farm Fresh · 609 weeks ago

Excellent! I never dated in high school. Never had my first "boyfriend" until I was out and in college. My parents promoted dating for marriage...and I'm very thankful! I only had one boyfriend before my husband and I rejoice in the way I was taught so I didn't have "romantic baggage" to bring into our marriage!

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Lexie · 609 weeks ago

I really like this post for a couple reasons.
1. I love the Duggars and I think they are a beautiful and wonderful family.
2. In my journey with Christ I have made the decision to date with purpose. My mom seems to think it is very silly to do such a thing and that I need to find what it is I like and don't like about guys in order to make sure I find the correct one for me. My dad loves the idea because he thinks I will be in my room under his roof forever ha. I disagree with my mom because of what you said and because of what Josh said in one of the episodes. Your heart is like a pie and everyone you date gets a little piece of your pie and when you find the one that God made for you, you can only give them what is leftover. I want my husband to have every bit of me possible and if I can give him more by not dating around now, then I will.
Thank you so much for this post it is very inspiring.

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lostinavalonor 16p · 609 weeks ago

These are our thoughts, as well. It's hard not to worry that my kids will have a difficult time finding a like-minded spouse since we seem to be one of a handful of local families who feel this way. But, God is bigger than that and I'm sure he'll work it all out just fine! :) I have a weekly Homemaking Party and would love to have you join up, if you haven’t already. Here’s the link to this week’s party :http://www.hopeineveryseason.com/2013/07/our-library-day-and-homemaking-party.html
Blessings,
Mrs. Sarah Coller

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Rachel · 609 weeks ago

Visiting from the blog hop. Love this post. I have two young girls so I often think about raising them in a way so that when they do date is a Christ centered.

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rickimoo2013 15p · 609 weeks ago

I love this post! I've always dated with the purpose of looking toward the future, and you really do know within a few dates. Thank you for posting this!

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busymomof10 15p · 609 weeks ago

Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing! We have encouraged our kids to wait on the one that God has for them. One of my sons found his wife quite unexpectedly through hanging out with a group of friends in high school, as you suggested. They realized God had brought them together when they were still quite young! That was over 4 years ago and they just got married in June, at the young ages of 19 and 21! My oldest two daughters have committed to no casual dating and are still waiting on the Lord to bring them a husband at 28 and 26. God's ways and timing are not ours! But, they are always BEST! So much wisdom in waiting on Him to bring the Right One!

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busymomof10 15p · 609 weeks ago

Forgot to mention that I was visiting from Deep Roots at Home Link Up! :)

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Val · 609 weeks ago

One of the many reasons we chose to start fellowshipping with them in church. Our daughters are SAFE there!

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Kathie Morrissey · 609 weeks ago

Agree 100%! I would love for you to link this post up on my Tuesday blog hop at CharacterCorner/CourtshipConnection! http://thecharactercorner.com/?p=5478

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Lisa · 609 weeks ago

Agree, agree, agree! Although my husband and I didn't follow this rule, we have come to believe and use this rule in our house! We only have one daughter, who is almost 15. Right now, she could care less about dating, much less about liking any boy! She has many friends at church, (Where she also goes to school), that she is allowed to fellowship with any time all of the youth group is together, or at church. We know that not all Christian boys are "safe" but know the ones at our church right now are. We are very blessed that her best friend is a young man, whom we have known since the two of them were in diapers, feels the same about girls!

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sarah issac · 608 weeks ago

Thank you for this post! I am often made fun of by family members or parents of my children's friends because I am teaching my children the above. It doesn't shake my determination but it can be discouraging. It's great to read such a wonderful affirmation!

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nayajean 117p · 608 weeks ago

I have a ways to go before my almost three year old even thinks about dating .. but this is great information.
Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

¤´¨)
¸.•*´
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
Raising-Reagan.com

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Leslie · 608 weeks ago

I love the Duggar family, they have such wonderful morals.

Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
Leslie www.violetimperfection.com

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