Many men have NO idea what to do if they have a difficult wife who throws temper tantrums, throws stuff at them and tries to hit them. Joanie read my post When Words Won't Resolve Arguments and wrote an interesting comment about her experience and how her husband put a stop to her out-of-control behavior.
I did not know the Lord when I married my husband {though I
was raised in a religion I won't name; I honestly knew nothing about having a
personal relationship with Christ} and I had a horrific temper. No one was gonna
tell me what to do {I had rebelled against authority since I, well, could.}.
If we had a disagreement, I would typically flop on the bed to pout and wait
for him to come try to comfort me. If he did and I didn't get the result I
wanted, he would leave me to pout and this would enrage me - look out. I would
throw books and shoes and anything I could get my hands on and hurl bad words
and if he tried to calm me, I would swat at him or ram him. I don't know how he
stood me. He would restrain me many times - I guess like a bear hug. I would fight
like a wild cat, but I never won, of course. I'd wear out eventually and he
would lovingly get me calmed down.
What a sweet man {married 33 years now}. One time I was throwing a tantrum and he picked me up and carried me outside and deposited me on a snow covered dog house! I huffed and puffed a few more times to show I was not gonna take that, but he told me he would do it again, but in the end I had to wind down because as much as I told myself I was big and bad {I wasn't}, I knew he was bigger. Honestly, it is hard to believe I ever acted like this. He says today he saw a diamond in the rough back then. I am so grateful. Today, I try to sense what he wants or sees as direction and work to make it happen because I trust him so.
What a sweet man {married 33 years now}. One time I was throwing a tantrum and he picked me up and carried me outside and deposited me on a snow covered dog house! I huffed and puffed a few more times to show I was not gonna take that, but he told me he would do it again, but in the end I had to wind down because as much as I told myself I was big and bad {I wasn't}, I knew he was bigger. Honestly, it is hard to believe I ever acted like this. He says today he saw a diamond in the rough back then. I am so grateful. Today, I try to sense what he wants or sees as direction and work to make it happen because I trust him so.
Her husband refused to let her get away with her terrible behavior and put a stop to it. She is thankful that he did. He loved her enough to do it. Of course, we got many comments accusing of us supporting domestic violence. I made it VERY clear in the post that I do not support domestic violence in ANY way. However, many men are being treated extremely disrespectful and mean by their wives, yet no one would say these wives are causing harm to their husbands but they are, deep harm. Many men are suffering in silence from the way their wives disrespect and treat them, yet they aren't supposed to be able to do anything to try and stop them as long as it isn't in anyway abusive? Yep, this is a feminist mindset that has men afraid of women today and keeps women in control.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
1 Peter 3:5, 6
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
1 Peter 3:5, 6
Logging you in...
Heidi · 498 weeks ago
Ken · 498 weeks ago
Katie · 498 weeks ago
I hope this is okay to share. One thing that I recommend to anyone struggling with anger or impatience is to really dive into God's word. Memorize passages on anger and patience. Write them on notecards and sticky notes and put them where you'll see them often. Memorize when you're cleaning the house or cooking. When you feel anger creeping up, repeat those verses to yourself, pray for God's help and strength, then thank Him for all of His blessings and guidance. That has been such a lifesaver for me and my husband!! Now I can be a better example to my daighter as well.
Some verses I meditate on are Ephesians 4:26, James 1:19-20, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:18, Proverbs 19:20, and my favorite is Phillippians 4:13 - "I can do all this through him who gives me strength". I used to let anger define who I was. Now I control my anger instead of letting it control me, and it's very freeing! As my pastor says, the enemy knows where we are weak. Resist him right away at his onset. He wants to steal our joy, so don't let him.
Ken · 498 weeks ago
I will add, that although we often neglect this fact, we are part of the church body, and as such we are to go and confess our sins to one another to receive healing. We are to go to a friend, a spouse, a parent and confess our sins asking them to hold us accountable and call us out on those sins when they see them in our lives. Lori and I believe that any sin seen in our home is to be lovingly, but firmly called out so that it is exposed and dealt with. This is a lost part of the body of Christ. Too many have bought into the pscho-babble that says "Don't offer advice or counsel unless someone asks for it." No, in the church we are commanded to rebuke and exhort those who sin, so why not in the home. The husband must set this standard, a wife cannot, but once it is set, it can be either spouse who can point out the sins or weaknesses of the other, because both are choosing to live God's ways.
Katie · 498 weeks ago
Taylor · 498 weeks ago
Ken · 498 weeks ago
It is a bit weird, but some women, I don't know the %, want their husbands to stand up to them and "man up," all the while they become more and more difficult. I guess we can send them all to the pschologist to figure them out, or tell husbands to try to find the key that will unlock their wives, so long as it is reasonable and not harsh. Certainly an outsider can look in and claim it is harsh, but that cannot be the test for a reasonable response to a difficult wife or husband. There must be something that can be done in between accepting the misbehavior and anger forever, and separation. Separtaion should be the biggest discipline, not the first attempt to get a spouse straightened out.
Three weeks ago I dealt with a couple who was in a pattern that when the wife became difficult he would leave her for a few days or a week. I said, "There must be something in between accepting and separation... so find it." It took them days to figure out what might work, came to some agreements and I got a most wonderful text that they are back madly in love and so much more hopeful. They have new tools to deal with their issues and a way that he can say stop it, without sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to alleviate his anxiety and stress from from it all.
2happy4 66p · 498 weeks ago
I'm sorry that so many men and women act so badly towards each other since our Lord calls us to act only in a loving manner. May they seem the calm, sweet relationships of Godly couples and aim to be like them.
Ken · 498 weeks ago
You are right that many men who have not only an iron will and fortitude but they also can see through the foolishness much faster than others. Some of us took many years to stop buying into our wife's perspective that the way she treated us was all our fault. We are nice, loving and considerate guys who often thinks that it is our fault so we are always trying to make it right by apologizing. We want to keep the peace, not realizing that all we are really doing is allowing our wife to continue her misbehaviors, control and sins.
The best thing a wife can discover early in marriage is that her husbnad will not put up with her desire to control him by her behavior and moods.
Anon M · 498 weeks ago
Ken · 498 weeks ago
Certainly we know that most women and wives are not like this. Most are reasonable, responsible people who are givers and not takers. But for some reason it seems that more and more husbands are ending up in relationships where the wife is trying to get her "needs" met by throwing tantrums. Of course a new car is a need, right :). I have heard of a grown woman crying to get a home and she got it. So a car seems like a small thing in comparison.
The key is for husbands to learn to say "no" and stick with it without getting upset. What happens is when we get upset, or angry ourselves, now the discussion is all about our misbehavior and off of what started the argument in the first place. "You hurt me so badly by your words," she complains, in a bad mood, not wiling to see that she caused the argumnet and the bad mood in the first place. Don't play that game. Just be lovingly firm, ands say "no." Then get out of the car dealership fast.
Maria · 498 weeks ago
Ken · 498 weeks ago
Her husband feels he has no ability to stand up to her as she is to inherit a lot of money from her parents. So he acts like a cowaring child each time she is in one of these misbehaving, angry moods, when he used to be such a strong and honorable man.
If I were her parents I would change the will to give all the money to the husband and if she does not straighten up he does not have to share a penny with her. Let her feel how the shoe fits on the other foot. Using a future inheritance as leverage for misbeahvior and control of a spouse is really stooping to an ugly low.
Mrs. Senior Chief · 498 weeks ago
helen · 498 weeks ago
I am blessed to say our marriage is fairly free of arguments!, my husband is very calm and will not engage in fruitless arguments. On my part I think that having an even temperament stems from early training in childhood. Mum would NEVER never tolerate sulks, tempers or cheeky behaviour and came down on us pretty heavy if we exhibited any behaviours such as these. Also, my Father when he got in from work would always ask my Mum if we had been good children and there would be trouble had we not been hee hee!. Myself and my brothers were made to apologise to each other had we been horrible/rude and I think it has stood us all in good stead.
Blessings to you both
Helen UK
Ken · 498 weeks ago