We were up in Wisconsin recently and we watched family home videos. Steven's new bride, Emily, and Cassi's husband, Ryan, wanted to see what their spouses were like as children so we watched several hours’ worth. It was enlightening to me and I noticed some things Ken and I did in raising them.
There were rarely any toys on the floor.
We never bought them a lot of stuff. Most toys that are bought for children are
played with several times and then neglected. We never wanted our children to
have a lot of stuff. They had balls, bats, a couple of stuffed animals, games, puzzles and a
swing set. They spent most of their time playing with the balls and dancing
around with each other. They didn't need much to be entertained.
Women tell me they can't have more than one or two children because they are TOO expensive. A mother of nine wrote this in the chat room recently ~
I was not raised in a home that was wealthy. I grew up on a dairy farm so we didn't have a lot and I can tell you that has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. We didn't vacation; we didn't shop at the mall; our birthday and Christmas gifts were quite small. My favorite Christmas as a child was the year my parents could not afford to buy presents. My aunt sent some of her old costume jewelry for us girls and my mom made me homemade turtle necks and homemade underwear. My mom feels terrible about that Christmas and I always tell her don't that's my favorite one! I felt so loved that Christmas. When you strip away excess it creates room to build relationships. That's what children remember.
We also didn't want them to be spoiled or act spoiled so we didn't baby them. If they fell and cried, we ignored them; but only if it wasn't a bad fall. Children are hurting themselves and crying often. If you are always running to them and hovering over them every time they hurt themselves, they will grow up complaining about every ache and pain and looking for attention. When they were sick, I wouldn't let them complain. I'd rock them and give them what they needed, but I never babied them unless they were truly injured. As a result, my adult children are all tough when it comes to pain. They don't complain and look for sympathy. In fact, Erin told me she doesn't even know when Ryan has the flu since he won't complain about it. Life is tough and full of trials. Train them in this way when they are young and they'll know how to handle it when they are older.
I also saw clearly in the home movies
that whenever Ken asked them to do anything while he was filming them, they
would do it immediately; no arguing or complaining. When he told them to come,
they would come. If he told them to dance, they danced! They were obedient
children. They obeyed cheerfully from the time they were young. In the several
hours of watching the videos, not once did Ken or I have to ask them to do
something twice. They grew up obeying their teachers, coaches, bosses,
government and most importantly, God!
From the time they were little, they were
memorizing Scripture. When Steven was three years old, we asked him to tell us
his verse for that week at AWANA and he would say it easily. All their growing
up years, they were memorizing Scripture, singing praise songs and hearing the
Bible read to them. They were also in church almost every week. They knew it
was a priority. As adults, they've always gone to church. Wherever they've been
in life, they went to church.
We were affectionate with the children.
We consistently told them we loved them, were hugging them and praising them
when they did well. You could hear us training our children even throughout the
home movies. We all laughed a lot and had a great time watching them.
We loved raising our
children. Yes, it took a lot of hard work, time and sacrifice but it was all
completely worth it! {Take lots of movies when they are young; they'll enjoy
watching them when they're all grown up!}
He
maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to
be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm
119:9
Logging you in...
andreamomm 19p · 497 weeks ago
Ken · 497 weeks ago
A recent study came out by a researcher who set out to prove that having lots of kids was not as rewarding to parents as having few. What they discovered to their amazement was the opposite, that parents who had 4 or more children were the most satisfied and happier with their choice of having children. Each child is precious gift to those parents who understand that love = discipline and discipline = love. Well behaved and well adjusted children are a true gift from God. It sounds like you have a quiver full of them!
Katie · 497 weeks ago
My daughter is one of those kids who cries easy when she falls down. She is otherwise smart, obedient and well-behaved and such a joy, but I know she is being over sensitive. After making sure she is okay, I will ignore the crying and see if that helps. I don't want to baby her too much. Your children are blessed to have you and your husband as parents! It gives me a long-term goal to strive for.
Ken · 497 weeks ago
Finding that right balance between being understanding of a child when they get hurt, and teaching them to get back up and shake it off... is not easy at times. I generally spend the first minute being understanding and then start talking to them about how to deal with pain and how to manage it. All of us must manage pain in our lives at some point, so no better time than the early beginnings to help our children understand the right balance of crying, and yet picking themselves back up and moving on.
I love that Lori hates clutter, so any toys generally had to stay in the rooms and not on the family room floor. Pillows often became the favorite toys as even today the grand kids can't spend more than a couple hours with grandpa without a full on pillow fight which is met with howls of laughter. That and grandpa as their horse seems to be enough toys, although a ball is often also being rolled around or tossed. It takes so little to entertain children, but it does take time, that many parents are unwilling or feel unable to give.
Nada · 497 weeks ago
I would love to hear more on how you were able to teach them to obey on the first command and do so cheerfully. :)
Ken · 497 weeks ago
Getting children to obey their parents quickly is really all about consistency. Lori and I both insisted upon obedience, so the kids learned very early on that we would be insisting upon it, so why try us? The children who try their parents are most often the ones who do not see consistent parents and a united front between the parents. When a Mom or Dad will laugh at their misbehavior or slow obedience one minute and the next they are yelling at their children, this creates a confused child who is only doing what comes to them naturally, wanting their own selfish and flsehly way.
We were never yellers... we think it looks bad and immature. So if a child misbehaved or was trying us we would usually just say, "Go to the fire place." Usually they ran to the fire place crying. Then in a minute or two they would say, "all done Daddy," and if it was a small offense we told them to come back. If it was a worse offense, we would let them sit five minutes or so. After the time out was over we would always talk to them about the offense and explain our expectations, and then with hugs and laughter and fun moved forward.
Perhaps there are two keys to training in obedience. The first is that if the child didn't go to the fire place quickly there would be swats, or bedroom for a lot longer. Second, we knew that there would be one or two major times a child would test us and keep disobeying to see if they could outlast us. Knowing this was coming around 1 1/2 to 2 years old we made sure not to lose that battle. Far too many parents lose this initial major battle because they do not realize that they will have many more such battles if they do not win it, especially when their child is a teenager. They keep losing and wonder what is wrong with their child, when it is their inability to have a 160 lb adult win out over a disobedient 25 lb child. It is much easier to control a two year old than a 14 year old, so all parents should think about that each time they have a battle, especilaly when they lose it.
We also spent a lot of time reasoning with the kids. It takes time to parent, and teaching our kids good principles and how they should think is vital to teaching them discipline and the ways of the Lord.