Marriages have too high of expectations put upon them today. This is why so many are failing. Many tell me how their husband is their best friend. This is a great thing; however, they don't have to be. There is NOTHING in the Bible that says that spouses need to be best friends. They are different sexes with different gifts and abilities; they think differently and are different in many ways. It's okay if your spouse is not your best friend. Find a girlfriend to be your best friend. Don't put this expectation upon your husband. This will only lead to disappointment.
Many believe that there should be passion every single time they make love. I do believe this is due to pornography and the portrayal of bedroom scenes on television and movies. Many men expect a lot more in the bedroom now and are dissatisfied if it's not happening all the time. Yes, wives should desire to please their husbands in this way and godly marriages usually do have the best sex lives according to surveys but I think pornography has put the expectations WAY too high. In past generation, many families lived in one or two bedroom homes. Often, children were sleeping in the same room. There wasn't pornography at the click of a finger and there weren't opportunities like we have now since many couples didn't have much privacy. Pornography has caused SO much damage to marriages with its expectations and the effects it has on those who watch it.
One woman wrote this on her post: "Yes, the marriage bed is intended to be full of imagination, exploration, and exciting, breathless, playing-in-the-rain fun!" I asked the women in the chat room if they agreed with this and Amy responded, “Absolutely, I believe that statement! Married sex should be amazing and fulfilling for both spouses! However, on occasion, when one spouse isn't feeling as frisky for whatever reason, and is simply engaging to please the other, the marriage bed can also be a bed of normal, usual, regular, not-so-exciting fun also! The WORST thing the marriage bed should be is lonely, still, and cold.” I think this is a MUCH better and healthier way to think of intimacy with our spouse.
In the past, women married men to provide and protect them. They also wanted a home and children. They needed a husband in able to have these things. Men married women so they could have sex and build a family. They needed a woman to take care of the home and children while they were trying to make a living. This is a picture of marriage the way God intended it to be; each spouse knows their roles and they fulfill it to the best of their ability. They both need each other for the areas that they lack in.
Feminism has destroyed these roles and Christian men and women fell for them hook, line and sinker. They also fell for the lie that their spouse needed to be their best friend and that sex should be all fireworks. We need to stop putting so many expectations upon marriage and be thankful to have a husband who works hard to provide for us and sleeps next to us every night and protects us. If you have a husband who does this for you, you have a great husband. Stop comparing your marriage to anybody else's. Comparisons are deadly. Be content with what the Lord has given you.
Men need to stop looking at porn and away from scantily clad women and appreciate the women God has given them. If their wives keep a clean and tidy home, raising children to love Jesus and fulfilling their needs sexually, they should be content. They don't need to go looking at a website to have an affair and possibly get caught, thus destroying their marriage, children and reputation. Paul disciplined himself for the purpose of godliness. Men and women who love Jesus are called to do the same.
Love the husband of your youth. Please him in the bedroom. Men, love the wife of your youth through good times and bad times, sickness and health and in riches or poverty. Be a vow keeper even if your spouse isn't living up to what they should be. Be Jesus to each other by loving, serving and pleasing each other. This is the formula for a healthy marriage; NOT having to be best friends and ALWAYS having passion in the bedroom.
Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
*Ken still loves me; the wife of his youth! I actually consider my husband WAY more to me than a best friend since he works his tail off for our family to provide for us; we share the same bed every night; we are one flesh; we are committed for life; we live together, etc. This is WAY better than being best friends!