Friday, August 12, 2016

Selfishly Focusing Upon Themselves


My keepers at home posts get the gold medal for causing the most disgust of any posts I write. The topic of submission gets the silver. What used to be normal just fifty years ago is foreign to women today. We should never be surprised about this since the world hates the Lord’s ways.

I saw an interview recently and the husband made this comment, "We don't want children so we can just focus upon ourselves." I hope you understand how selfish this mindset is if you are a believer in Jesus Christ. The Lord’s will for younger women is to marry, bear children, and guide the home so they do not give Satan occasion to speak evil about believers and His Word (1 Timothy 5:14). My youngest daughter just had a baby and so did my younger son's wife. These babies are only three weeks apart. Their labors were long and difficult. Recovering is hard since they lost so much sleep laboring for days and now they have a newborn to care for. Yes, bearing and raising children is one of the hardest things a couple can do but it reaps so many blessings. Nothing worth having is easy. The joy all of them experienced the moment they held their newborn baby in their arms can't be matched to anything else. They can’t wait to be the ones to raise their children. 

Compare this to something that happened to me recently. I went to a baby shower for a lovely Christian young woman and then I went to an engagement party for a very excited Christian engaged couple. There was much reason to rejoice at these two events. However, at the end of the day, I was rather depressed. Both women weren’t going to be home with their children and some of them were so involved with their careers of becoming a doctor or some other highly educated career that they probably will never be home with their children if they are blessed with them. Either they have invested so much time in having their career or they have accumulated too much debt.

 Telling working wives or single mothers that they are harming their children or families by doing what they must only deepens the hurt and divide between women in our churches. Why not instead reach out to a working or single mother, try to empathize and love them in their areas of need?

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not involved in “mommy wars.” I am involved with teaching younger women what the Lord has commanded me in His Word to teach. Children have no clue why their mothers may not be home with them but it doesn’t mean they need them any less. Studies have proven that children need their mothers full time since the Lord designed them this way. It’s a frightening thing to go against His clear directions to us. Understand something women, whatever the Lord commands He provides. It may mean living extremely frugal and giving up “wants” but it will be well worth it for the security and happiness of your children. I have seen and read of too many women who trust the Lord, come home, and are provided for.

Working and single mothers need to pray about it earnestly and ask the Lord for wisdom in how to come home whether it means finding a way to make money from home, living simply without wants, praying their husbands will be convicted about them coming home or even remarrying if they are widows so they can be home. They must also trust God to provide and step out in faith. Where there is a will, there is a way, especially if you have the God of the universe living in and through you because He owns everything.

As one young wife and mother who comments on my blog frequently wrote yesterday, "My mom worked all our childhood - from the time I was six weeks old and didn't retire until I was in college. The house was always extremely messy, much like what I think TheJoyFilledWife wrote about. 

Now that she's retired, she's able to have a clean and relaxing house. She told me the other day that she loved watching what I'm doing with the kids {I was elated!}. She actually said, 'You're doing what I should have done.' Wow!! It was very affirming to hear that."

Please, don't look back on your life with regrets by missing out on the chance to bear and raise your own children!

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Comments (20)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
In the old testament women often went back to their father's house if they became a widow. I think going back home to your parent's home is a good idea if you lose your husband or are divorced or single. This will not only save on expenses but will help provide more than one parent for the benefit of the children. It would be a lot easier for her to stay home with the children if she does not have to make house payments by herself.
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
You are so right, Michelle. In hindsight, when I had Alyssa, my first born, we could have easily lived with my parents for a few years until Ken's career was doing better. They lived in a big home all by themselves and would have happily let us live with them so I could have been home full time with my baby.
I want to let you know that this is such an encouragement to me. I grew up with my mother working on and off throughout childhood, not because she had to, but just because"it was her passion." As a child, it was so hurtful to think that work was what she was passionate about, instead of raising my sister and me. I married young and have been blessed with 3 children, and we are completely open to more. It breaks my heart when my mom says how disappointed she is that I didn't go to college, and that I'm"wasting my life" raising my children. I have one sister, and she got pregnant when she went away to college. Now my parents pay to put her son in daycare so she can still finish college and have a career. My mother's words used to plant seeds of selfish doubt in my heart. Thanks to your teaching of God's word, I know I am doing right by my husband and children, I don't have to doubt. I read your blog everyday for encouragement. Thank you for speaking truth! ☺
2 replies · active 449 weeks ago
You're welcome, Anna. There are way too many mothers who are much more passionate about their careers than they are their children. Your comment has given me a great idea for another blog post so thank you!
Anna is another star in Lori's crown. Praise God for biblical Titus 2 aged women who teach the younger women!

*hugs*
Kelley~
Leigh Anne's avatar

Leigh Anne · 449 weeks ago

Congrats on the two new grandkids!
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Thank you, Leigh Anne! They are both so precious and their parents couldn't be happier.
i have a 14 year old and my mom watched her a lot when she was younger (and still does) so that i could work. i had to pay rent to my parents while i was living there and wasn't able to get govt assistance because i lived at home. it was difficult and i am certainly tired of working. haha
but i am close to being engaged and my boyfriend said although i could leave my full time job, he still wanted me to work part time in catering. this way i am still contributing towards my social security and 401K. :) I am more than ok with this. i do enjoy working- just i don't want to work full time. and since we don't live together and wont until we get married, i have to be able to pay for my living expenses. i dont think that we will have our own children though. i am getting close to 40 as is he, and neither of us wanted to be older parents. i guess we will see what happens though. that may change!
2 replies · active 449 weeks ago
You never know, ACM. My grandmother was 47 years old when she birthed her seventh child and he grew up to be strong and healthy!
i might want to wait for grandchildren! when i am 47 my daughter will be 27! :)
Rachel Chouinard's avatar

Rachel Chouinard · 449 weeks ago

Children NEED present, available, nurturing Mothers! Read "Home By Choice" by Brenda Hunter, PHD.
2 replies · active 449 weeks ago
I loved that book, Rachel! It explains clearly why children need their mothers home full time.
Did you do a post that talked about this author? It was a good one....maybe a good book for another book study?

Congratulations on your new grand babies! What a blessing 😀
I was recently introduced to your blog and I find myself here everyday! Such an uplifting place to come when the world tries to beat me down! Thank you for teaching the truth! I noticed Anna's comments about not going to college. I must say she was wiser than I. I went to college because that was expected of me. Didn't know what I wanted and wasted thousands! I was stuck in a job that didn't acknowledge my "education". I married young and worked part time due to my husband's wishes. After having our first child God granted me with wisdom on how to approach my husband to allow me to stay home as working just two days per week with a child was literally harming our family! I would love to share my story somehow to hopefully help or encourage other women. Now, being a wife and mother my life is fulfilled and not a waste. We are functioning as God intended and we are so blessed. Not by riches, but by each other. Our family has grown larger. You're teaching and I'm learning. Please keep going!
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Thank you, Holly, and YES, please share your story. Write it up and email me at laalex2@aol.com and I will make a post about it!
Lori, what is your perspective on this situation: I know a woman who quit her full time job to watch her grandchildren so her married daughters could continue working. She said her daughters would always have to work (though their husbands have decent jobs) and if you knew their lifestyle, you could see why. I am sure she wants only the best for all of them and I guess having a grandmother watch the kids is better than putting them in daycare, but isn't she just enabling her daughters to work? Or can a grandmother adequately substitute part-time for a mother?
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Grandmothers are way better than daycares or nannies but no one takes the place of a mother in a child's life.
I.

Have.

No.

Regrets.

About.

Staying.

Home.

*hugs*
Kelley~
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Me either, Mrs. Kelley Dibble! :)
Amen! Amen! AMEN!!!

Post a new comment

Comments by