Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Treasuring Your Home More Than Christ


Do you treasure your home more than Christ? Are the things of this world more important to you than the things of Christ? When we had four small children, we moved from north of Los Angeles to the San Diego area. We bought a new home with the money we made from our small home in LA.

I met a woman in this neighborhood who had one child and decorated her home beautifully. She invested hours and hours and a lot of money into her home. She kept it perfectly clean. I wanted to have a home like hers so I went about creating my home as close to hers as possible.

It was during this time that Ken and I argued about money. I finally asked him to give me a budget and he did. However, instead of waiting patiently for the time I could buy something new, I would buy it on “credit” and have to wait a long time to be able to pay it off with the budget I had been given. I had fallen for the trap of having a gorgeously decorated home that cost a lot of money – the America dream.

During this time, Ken was gone from home traveling half of the year and my children needed my undivided attention but I was too busy painting, shopping for, and fixing up my home. Shortly after this, I got terribly sick and could no longer fix up my home like I wanted. About nine years later, we bought another bigger home that was bright and sunny.

A few years before this, my mother-in-law had given me a book called “Margins” by Richard Swenson. Right before we moved to our second new home, I decided to read this book and it convicted me of my mad dash to decorate my home perfectly. On the day we moved to my new home, I shared with my mother-in-law that I regretted encouraging Ken to buy this home and didn’t want to spend a ton of money on this home but wanted to live contently instead. She replied, “Live simply in this home” and I have.

This home is very comfortable but not extravagantly decorated. Most of the furniture is old from my childhood and some we bought on Craigslist. We have simple window shades and very little clutter. I learned to value the people in my home more than my home itself. I later learned about being a submissive wife and began practicing this.

I made the decision that I wanted to treasure what the Lord treasured and not what this culture treasured. His treasure would become my treasure. His treasures are those that live eternally – people. Don’t waste your time having the perfect home. Yes, keep it as clean and tidy as you can but remember that the people in your home are what make your house a home and not the home itself since it often changes and will one day be destroyed for good, along with all the other lifeless things on this planet.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.
Matthew 6:20

Comments (24)

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Melissa M.'s avatar

Melissa M. · 449 weeks ago

Thank you, Lori. Wise words.
2 replies · active 448 weeks ago
Maturity brings growth in all areas of life. A beautifully created environment is a way to honor God yet never to get lost in and stray from His word. Women who do not understand economics can easily be deceived and fall into debt.
The home does not have to be thought of as being destroyed. That is a sad thought. Like many historical homes it can be cared for to house future generations. All that we possess we are mere caretakers in time of yet no reason that these things should not be enjoyed.
I think this can be linked to being content with what you have. Some people will buy something, then decide they don't like it or get tired of if after a year then go out and buy something else when there's nothing wrong with what they already have.

It's not necessarily bad to spend a little more on something that will last a long time. We paid more than we would have liked to for the comforter and curtains in our bedroom, but we have had them now for 15 years. They are still in good condition (no stains, tears etc.). They don't even look old, so we have no reason to change them I paid an embarrassing amount for a pair of flip flops once, but I'm still wearing them about 13 years later and will continue to do so unless they fall apart.

My husband recently asked if I wanted to get new dishes. I told him I didn't see a need. In the 24 years we have had them, there is only one chip on a plate. Over the years we have broken a couple of bowls but were able to find matching ones that were sold separately, so we replaced those. There is no need for a whole new set of dishes right now.

My philosophy is only replace things that are broken and unable to be fixed or torn, dirty etc.
3 replies · active 449 weeks ago
I love what you write Michele as it is so true! Contentment is what we all want so badly, to be at peace within our own skin with who we are and what we have, yet far too often we make ourselves discontented with wanting more things instead of wanting the right things. Give me a day with my family and my grandkids and I am a happy man as I watch them all grow up to love and serve Jesus. That's most important to us, not the things we can buy. Our dishes have to be over 25 years old, but they still work just fine. Thanks for the comment.
Lori and Michelle,

You are both spot on regarding our choices made for our homes. It is vital that a homemaker learn from her errors in judgment and the decisions acted upon with discontentment and an ungrateful heart.

I have a vintage spoon rest hanging in my kitchen above the range. It states, "The wife can throw out more with a scoop than a man can bring in with a shovel." I've seen another version of this saying elsewhere: "The wife can throw out the back door more than a man can bring in the front." The wife's "looking well to the ways of her household" tells the Lord (her husband's head) and her husband (her head) about the condition of her heart. Lori's right: Where our treasure is, that is where our heart will be. Hmm. Seems like I read that Somewhere else, too, Lori!

Could it be that if our personal physical adornment should be a meek and quiet spirit that these would be appropriate adornments for our homes as well? When the "Mercedes Matter" came up in a recent blog post here on Always Learning, I remembered Ken's comment that the two of you have chosen to invest a portion of your income in people, not in the materialism of this world. You folks are certainly laying up treasure where moth nor rust can corrupt it. It's the people-- THE SOULS-- who live in and visit our homes we should treasure and be given in hospitality to them.

Continued...
... Continued here

Michelle, I especially liked your personal testimonies about money decisions you have made. I don't know if you started your marriage journey with patient choices full of thought, "pondering all these things in your heart," but I did not. Thirty-five years later, gratefully I can say that I've learned a few lessons from my poor decisions. Poor, indeed. Those decisions in the past were made from a heart of covetousness.

We have moved two dozen times in 35 years of marriage and lived all over the US and on islands in the Pacific. We currently live in a rental on Guam. (Aren't we all renting?) Our most recent move has been yet another in which I have "shopped the house." These are my "redecorating" handmaidens: spray paint cans, paint brushes, book'oupage, map'oupage, glue gun, staple gun, sewing machine, screw driver, electric saw (at the end of my Dear Husband's arm...) and camera. I hang the same frames I've had for years and just change out the beloved photos inside of our friends and family with more current or vintage ones.

I don't look to Pinterest for inspiration for my walls. I look to the Word of God. I use my husband's projector and "stencil" the Lord's Word on a wall in each room. I use colored pencils and accomplish some of the most beautiful "art" in our home this way. Recently I was inspired to "stencil" above every doorway somewhere the word "souls." Souls, souls, souls. Living souls. These are the treasures in our homes.

Like I'm sure you do as well, Michelle, I wait to buy it on sale. I loved Laine's take on shopping for her home. She makes her list and prays for God to direct her in finding the needs on her list at minimal cost. When we depend on God to lead us to wise investments of the money He has entrusted to us, we learn the wisdom of good stewardship.

Our high quality sheets are a neutral color, cream/ecru, and have a high thread count. We've been sleeping on them since 2003; we changed our mattress size that year, otherwise we'd be sleeping on even older sheets! An occasional dose of Oxyclean keeps them fresh smelling, and I never put them into the dryer. When they're washed, they're clipped to free hangers from Macy's (they will give me all the hangers I want) and hung to air-dry from the door frames. In our humid climate, my sheets wouldn't dry as rapidly outside as they do indoors. Sheets washed in the morning are dry by bedtime. Yes, one set. I had two sets, but someone needed our second set more than I did. Like Michelle wrote, treating spots and stains, holes and tears immediately will maintain your sheets' good condition.

I learned from Filipinos we worked with that nothing should be thrown into the trash. It can be repaired or revamped into something else or given to someone who needs it. When the insole linings of some of my shoes peeled away (They don't make shoes or anything like they used to!), I didn't pitch them. I decoupaged a new lining inside and they're as good as new. Many, MANY pairs of my shoes are decades old. My sweet husband will say, "I remember buying those for you when we were in...." I think it gives him a good feeling when he sees me still wearing purchases made long ago. Good decisions! It's the newer shoes that are poorly constructed today.

Michelle mentioned dishes. We recently decided that we weren't sure if the everyday dishes we've been eating on for over 10 years are lead free. We purchased them in the Philippines, and we simply had no way of knowing for certain, so we shopped online for several days to replace them. As a 35th wedding anniversary present, my husband bought me a set of simple white Corelle, 12 place settings that also came with some serving size pieces. These will last for generations to come, and we are certain we are eating on lead-free plates.

My husband too will ask, "Do you want to get rid of that and get a new one?" My typical response is, "No, thank you, honey. No need to get a new one. That one is still serving us very well here." And it's true. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, and if it's broken, well, fix it!

Keep our homes sparkling, orderly and uncluttered becomes foolishness when we overlook the loved ones who live in and visit our homes. Serving and reaching are the keys. Another vintage piece is prominently displayed in my kitchen. Though it's not wood, it has a carved appearance to it with a house and brick chimney at the top. It reads:

HOME BLESSINGS
The CROWN of the HOME is GODLINESS.
The BEAUTY of the HOME is ORDER.
The GLORY of the HOME is HOSPITALITY.
The BLESSING of the HOME is CONTENTMENT.
"As For Me And My House,
We Will Serve The LORD."
Joshua 24:15

That sums it up, doesn't it?

*hugs*
Kelley~
As a young mother - who wants it all - I really appreciate this post. I have fallen into the trap of wanting that perfect home and usually I can trace it back to spending too much time online and seeing other (young) mothers' homes.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Best,
Bibi
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Thanks Bibi! Godliness with contentment and God does the rest to make us feel great about ourselves and at peace with our circumstances.
Christine Gowing's avatar

Christine Gowing · 449 weeks ago

While I was a young bride and mother of young ones, I was compulsive about my home, cleaning and organizing EVERYTHING. Years later, I realized, I was stealing the joy from my family.
Growing up I had NO control of anything (my mom was domineering). God pointed out, that I was doing the same thing to my children.
Today, I have given up be compulsive and have a HOME, not a house.
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
I think it is a generally natural thing for most women to want a nice home, and there is nothing wrong with that unless one places too much emphasis on this goal and it begins to drive them or make them discontent. We moved into a new tract home 30 years ago and Lori then wanted a bunch of new things, which became a source of conflict as I was working as hard as I could just to support the mortgage and a family of six. Then Lori got her priorities straight, maybe even went a bit overboard with "The Tightwad Gazette" and became quite frugal... yet she did many things to the home herself to make it nice. I loved it, as she helped to ease my burden of trying to provide and no longer had to feel we had to "keep up with the neighbors."

What many wives do not fully understand is how much of a burden they can place on a husband when they are unhappy when they can't buy the new couch or decorate like they want to and they show their discontent. It makes him feel inadequate even as he is doing a great job providing. Coming to a healthy home budget can help lead to contentment in the marriage.
Amen! And now, in our current culture, I think the pressure to have a perfectly decorated home is even worse than it was 20 years ago. Because it's not just the neighbors' homes we see, but perfect strangers who are pouring vast quantities of time and energy into their homes. This post hits home (ha) for me because when my son was very little I spent a lot of time working on our house. On the one hand I'm glad I made those improvements, but on the other hand, I was probably too focused on house stuff. Now my primary goals center around good organization and cleaning habits, and then doing a little here and there when I can (instead of the huge push). I might paint a piece of furniture or make a pillow, and then wait another few months and do something else like that. In other words, I refuse to indulge in the idolatry of my home in the way I do think I used to indulge in it.

I started a series of posts on my blog about how to live (and love) the home you have. I have only written one post so far b/c I have been busy, but this gives me the desire to write the next one soon. The first is on practical tips, and the second one will be focused on the spiritual, because I think the spiritual side of this is the key to it!
http://thejoyfulhouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/what-i...

As an aside, Margin was the book that was pivotal for me in deciding to tame my life, quit practicing law full-time, and re-focus on what really matters. I LOVE that book! :) I wonder how many people's lives it has changed! And--I think I will read it again as this summer dwindles to an end.
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Excellent Polly!

You are so right. Our kitchen and bathrooms are now 20 years old, and are showing wear... and when we see pics of the homes being sold around us or on tv, it makes us think like we need to redo things. Of course it is right before a sale that these two things usually get updated.

You bet there is a spiritual side to all of this... it seems everything we do somehow goes back to pleasing our Lord Jesus, not self. "When things are in the saddle they ride mankind" so it is best to give all our things to Him and then we can be good stewards of His things that He allows us to use for our pleasure and His glory. After all, this whole world belongs to Him, and He gave us our gifts and intelligence to earn a living and buy His things so we can use them.
I am so glad I found and subscribed to your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights so frankly.
1 reply · active 449 weeks ago
Great Allie! Lori will be happy to see your kind comment when she gets back online soon. She loves the kind remarks as they help keep her motivated to study and share what she is learning. She loves the regular testimonials of so many around the world who are finding contentment doing things according to God's Word and are following her blog, and the Chat Room. God is so wonderful to take our trials and efforts use them for His good.

It's really a simple prescription that has held true from the beginning of time: "Do things God's ways and reap His blessings." Because the one who made us also left us with a great User's Manual in the Bible for how to get the best out of love and life.
When our children were little we stopped going to my in-laws' house for several years because they treated their house like a shrine or a museum. It was very uncomfortable and would stress me out to no end. They had beautiful, fragile collectibles on every surface, and the children were not allowed to touch anything or be in any part of the house unattended. So if one child wanted to go into a room, the other child had to go with and an adult had to go with them. If they ate anything at the house, my mother-in-law would take out garbage bags and duct tape and wrap her chairs up in them before the kids could sit at the table. One time after a family get together, my mother-in-law called us and said that someone had spilled red wine on their carpet and did we know who might have done so?

Yet, I notice that their home doesn't have a very warm feel to it, because you can't really be yourself or enjoy your time there. While I like to take care of my things and our home, I would never want anyone to feel that way, especially my husband and my children.
I really enjoyed this post--short, simple and to the point. My husband and I choose to be minimalists in possessions and decor and we catch flack from friends and family about not having a bunch of "stuff". For the first three years we lived in our house, family members and friends would dump their unwanted items on us because they thought we just couldn't afford it or wouldn't buy it for ourselves. In reality, we just didn't want it. That was a foreign concept to many. Sometimes, though, when I went to friends' houses, I second guessed my tendencies and wondered if I should have a "better" decorated house. But, I'm reminded it could all be lost in mere moments. My sister is living this now as her home sustained two feet of water in the flooding that's going on in Louisiana. She maintained a beautifully decorated, modest home for her family, and now they get to start over. I'm curious to see where she will direct her energy and time once the repairs have been made.
This is very true. On top of all that was said here, in 5-10 years all that decorating will be out of date! I've been around long enough to see the furniture I "just had to have" now being a burden because I paid so much for it I don't want to get rid of it, but I don't like it either. I do like the current trend of fixing up Craig's List and Goodwill finds. To me that makes sense. You only pay a few dollars so if you get tired of it in a year you aren't out a lot of money. But still, the article makes an even deeper point that it isn't just money being thrown away on frivolous pursuits but time.
I am so thankful I came across your blog! It has been a blessing to me. For so many years I was trying to control my husband's behavior and take the lead. I was also always comparing my husband to other husbands and being discontented. This blog has made a drastic change in my attitude. Truly - the advice given here DOES work! I look forward to each day's blog! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Becky Groff's avatar

Becky Groff · 448 weeks ago

Is Lori ok? or is she taking a break? I must have missed something.
Thanks
Becky
2 replies · active 448 weeks ago
Just a nasty cold yesterday but she is looking better today.
I was so glad to read your reply, Ken! Best wishes for Lori!
Kelley~
Janet Monroe's avatar

Janet Monroe · 448 weeks ago

Ouch! yeah...I needed this article as I have been working hard, yet watching the cost, still working steady on taking my house back to a certain look from the 1930s. Well, time to pick me up, dust myself off and put my heart and head back where it belongs and learn contentment in what I have done. I don't need everything.
How easy it is to take our eyes off Jesus! Thank you for your blog!
Thank you, Lori. I loved this post.
God bless❤
Mrs.O

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