As many of you know, Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl is my favorite marriage book which changed my marriage around completely. It is the book I use to mentor women. Once women read the book, they want to share it with every one they know.
Unfortunately, a lot of women don't like that book at all. The reviews on Amazon for it are terrible. I have had women give the book back to me and I have even gotten in trouble for promoting it. It is very sad because there are many women who need to read the book and refuse to.
I see mostly women commenting here. I am a man, my circumstances are because my wife has a personality disorder, which she will not acknowledge. But a few years ago, a stranger gave me a book for my wife to read. She won't read the full book. But I made all three of my daughters read it because I believe it really captures the heart of a man and it was written by a pastor's wife. I actually was in tears reading some of it, because I could identify with it so much. I believe every woman who intends to get married or is married should read this book. I do think that it is a bit dated for some of the roles of women as far as staying home to raise children, but if you can look past that, there is much godly wisdom backed by a ton of scripture for women and how their man feels and functions. The book is Created To Be His Help Meet.
I think many men would agree with him. Debi uses some strong language and extreme stories to get her points across but her conclusions are all scripturally based.
So what do you do if a friend of yours needs to read it badly or a wife refuses to read it if her husband gives it to her? Pray. This is all we can do. We need to pray that God will soften their hearts and make them want to hear the truth. Only God has the power to do that.
We should always have teachable hearts wanting to know truth. Unfortunately, in today's rebellious climate, few people want truth or seek it out even among Christians. But never lose heart. God is still on His throne and can soften the hardest heart so faith can grow.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding
abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that worketh in us.
Ephesians 3:20
Logging you in...
bluecottonmemory 55p · 608 weeks ago
Deb · 608 weeks ago
Felicia Parak · 608 weeks ago
Louise · 608 weeks ago
unprocessed woman · 608 weeks ago
Susan · 608 weeks ago
Jo · 608 weeks ago
Courtney · 608 weeks ago
Cynthia · 608 weeks ago
Sometimes, one person may find a book by another person compelling, while another person will not. It's a matter of individual preference and personalities. I'm a bit wary referring to a book written by a mere mortal as the TRUTH.
For example, I was greatly encouraged by a mother of 13 in my congregation. The little things that I found compelling - like the way that she invited my family of 5 to dinner that night and managed to have everything under control, calmly and quietly directing her children as they assisted, and having a peaceful dinner with no yelling, fighting or tension - spoke deeply to my heart, but they may not have the same effect on another woman. The books that she recommended and the approach that she took also quoted scripture, but were quite different in outlook from the Pearls.
Ken · 608 weeks ago
When a writer like Debbie Pearl collects together all of the major verses of the Bible as it relates to marriage she is teaching God's Word and His truths on this vital subject and brings them alive in practical ways.
Debbie is doing no more or less than a preacher may do on a Sunday when he preaches on any vital subject of the scriptures. One may be able to argue with the application he/she makes, but they cannot argue with the systematic truths all gathered together in one sermon, or in this case one book.
To state that "only the Bible is the Bible" is to miss the fact the many Christian books, especially "Created to be His Help Meet" is an exceptional exposition of God's Word and what it teaches concerning submission and how to be a God pleasing wife, with little sugar coating or watering down of what the scriptures clearly teach.
I would be curious to know how your mentor differed from Debbie's outlook, and I do recognize that there can be differences in degrees of application of some verses, especially the submission verses. But anyone who is searching for truth should be willing to accept all of the the scriptures, even those things that may be hard on the surface to understand or accept.
There are few marriage books that have made as big an impact in marriages as most are self help books and based more on modern day psychology and human relations than on God;s Word. God's Word has the power to change lives, and Debbie uses a lot of it in her clear teaching of sacrificial living which is the basic demand of the cross to be like Christ, which she clearly exposes to all who will read her book.
Cynthia · 608 weeks ago
Let's start with the basic definition of help meet. This is a translation of the Hebrew words "ezer k'negdo". "Ezer" means help, so that's fairly clear. What does k'negdo mean? The root word "neged" in Hebrew means "opposite". The prefix k' means like/as, and the suffix o means his. When you put it all together, it means 'help as his opposite". This suggests that a man married a woman who has a complementary personality/nature to his, and that this is to work in a way that it helpful.
This complementarian theme is even clearer when we look at the actual Hebrew words used in the creation story. Here's a link to an inter-lineal translation of Genesis 1:26-7.
http://www.scripture4all.org/OnlineInterlinear/OT...
Note that God is saying that adm/human should be created in the Divine image. While this word is often translated as "man", it is a completely different word that is first used in Genesis 2:24 to discuss a man leaving his parents and cleaving to his wife. In the second case, the Hebrew word used is "ish", which corresponds to the Hebrew word "isha" for woman.
http://www.scripture4all.org/OnlineInterlinear/OT...
The word adm, alternately translated as man, human or Adam, is used to refer to the First Human, and it is related to the word for earth, which is adama, because the First Human was formed from the earth.
My mentor explained to me that all of this means that the First Human was created as a single being (with both male and female characteristics/personality). Being solitary and completely self-sufficient, however, was not a good thing, so the First Human was split into a man and a woman. When we get married, our spouse is literally our "other half", who completes us, and together the couple is in the image of God. One of the main keys to marital harmony is in recognizing that the very traits which are likely to drive us crazy in our spouse, are the very things that we need in order to be complete. Once we realize this, we don't need arguments or power struggles. So often, the same arguments are repeated over and over, as a saver will be married to a spender, or someone who is a neat freak will be married to someone more scattered, and they constantly try to prove that their way is better. The answer is that neither is better, but both need to be present and working in harmony to be in God's image. Learning this was a HUGE light bulb moment for me! My husband is very different in personality from me, and at times, I've started to think, "why can't he be more...." Now, I stop and remind myself that no, he does NOT need to be more like me. I need a husband who is exactly like him, and we need to use our complementary personalities and skills together.
Vicki W. · 608 weeks ago
I have been married for 32 years. I have been around the block. Everyone you meet has an agenda, that's for sure. And having read books and articles by the Pearls for the last 15 years, I am confident I know what their agenda is. They only desire for people to trust God and be obedient to him. They want marriages saved and strengthened. They want families to be strong and healthy. They want people to grow in their faith. They want people to be able to read and understand the Bible for themselves. It's amazing that people dislike them for that. It's sad.
Ken · 608 weeks ago
I can only change me... through the power of the Spirit and Word.
I also do not get why so many women are offended by submission when it is the call of Christ on all of our lives, male or female. Wives go out to work and submit to bosses all day long, but submitting to a husband is often considered anti-christian when it is so clearly and consistently taught in the scriptures.
It makes me laugh to see the hermeneutical gymnastics performed on the scriptures to try and avoid the teaching of both Paul and Peter. Paul gets accused of being anti-woman, yet Peter may even state things more strongly "Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord."
God's ways are not man's ways. but when they are followed they reap His blessings. Debbie Pearl is great at exposing the clear teachings of God's Word on this vital marriage subject. Complementary to each other yes. But also to be in right relationship with the man as the final authority so he can lead appropriately.
Deanna · 607 weeks ago
Never reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. And, unless all else fails, don’t drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. However, if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.
I think it is absolutely disgusting that someone would tell anyone to parent like this. The deaths of three children have been linked to their teachings. They are extreme in every way on every topic they write about and I can't stand their awful testimony for our Savior.
Deanna · 607 weeks ago
Has your husband reviled you and threatened you? You are exhorted to respond as Jesus did. When he was reviled and threatened, he suffered by committing himself to a higher judge who is righteous. You must commit yourself to the one who placed you under your husband’s command. Your husband will answer to God, and you must answer to God for how you respond to your husband, even when he causes you to suffer.
You can freely call your husband ‘lord’ when you know that you are addressing the one who put him in charge and asked you to suffer at your husband’s hands just as our Lord suffered at the hands of unjust authorities…When you endure evil and railing without returning it, you receive a blessing, not just as a martyr, but as one who worships God
No no no no no. I don't care if there are good parts of this book we as Christians should never promote it because of all the horrible stuff inside. I've enjoyed your blog for a while Lori but this is very disappointing and alarming.
Deanna · 607 weeks ago
"Over the next seven years, Sunny was regularly subjected to his alcoholic rages and beatings, and she endured his flaunted unfaithfulness."
"When Sunny was pregnant with their third baby, Ahmed came home drunk and tried to kill her with a butcher knife."
Yes she counseled her in one of two options but she never had her go to the police as Michael Pearl later claimed people in her situation should do. She's inconsistent and comes off as caring more about Sunny submitting even more instead of truly going to the law.
Prosecutors proved that the three couples were influenced by the Pearls including the type of tubing they used to spank one of the kids with. I'm not sure what you mean by "have His protection around them"? Does that mean you think God approves of their harsh language? How can you know who has his protection? Taht doesn't make sense to me.
It seems you're stuck in your ways Lori and I'm sorry to hear that. I like most of what you write about here but it seems you can't consider other views about the Pearls or what they teach. I think it's easy to show that many people throughout history have been happy and content but have done a lot of harm including in Jesus's name.
Gina W. · 606 weeks ago