Ken is very good about putting the toilet seat down. He has been ever since we got married. I am very grateful for that! However, we have two cats who like to drink out of our toilet. I don't want them drinking out of it because I don't think it is sanitary for them or for us to sit where the cats have been standing.
I decided the way to stop them was to keep the toilet lid down. I have asked Ken several times to do it giving him my reasons why. He remembers once in awhile but not often. I walked past the bathroom yesterday and the lid was up.
I thought, "I could either be upset with him, scold him, and remind him once more or I can forget about it and just close it myself." I decided to do the latter. I spent way too many years being upset with him because he wasn't doing things the way I wanted him to do them. It accomplished nothing good, just a bad marriage.
All of our husbands do things that can irritate us if we let them. Women write me often about their husbands not helping with the children or housework, etc. We all have a choice to make on how we are going to respond. We can tell them our desires one time, maybe a few more, but then let it go.
Being angry and upset are Satan's tools to drive a wedge in the relationship. Don't let him succeed. God wants us to pursue peace even when things aren't going our way and our husbands are not "obeying" us.
Life is so much sweeter when you don't let your emotions control you but you decide to do what is right instead. Keeping peace in your marriage is worth the sacrifice of not getting your way. Accept your husband just the way he is with all of his faults and bad habits and you will find life to be much more peaceful and you will be much easier to live with for your whole family. So next time you see the toilet lid up, his towel on the floor, or his dirty dishes in the sink, be a servant and put down the lid, pick up his towel, and clean his dirty dishes. Peace is a beautiful thing.
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy;
without holiness no one will see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14
Logging you in...
Cynthia · 595 weeks ago
My suggestion would be a slight difference in HOW we let it go, so that our hearts and minds are in the right place, and so that we aren't just submitting but are also loving and respecting and honoring our husbands as we should.
Based just on what is written above (and of course keeping in mind that I don't know you or Ken, so I'm JUST commenting on the impression made by this post), I would get the picture of a husband who keeps forgetting to do something, and a wife who notices this failure but eventually decides to simply put the lid down herself. True, a wife who does this is not yelling or nagging, but the image remains of a husband who, in her eyes, is repeatedly failing her and is seen as a man who is flawed. When she does even small things, she views herself as a servant - which sounds humble enough, but it's really about how she views herself as virtuous and not about love and respect for her husband.
What's missing, though, is the REST of the picture! Was Ken concerned about your upcoming Cyber Knife procedures (may God answer your prayers that they be effective)? Will he be taking extra time this week to take you to your appointments and help out at home so that you can recover? If so, you can reframe the scene as "my husband Ken, who loves me and is really concerned about my well-being, and who was working extra hard in order to take time off to take me to my appointments and be there to comfort me at this time that I need him most, happened to be too distracted to put down the toilet lid." I think that puts things into their proper perspective.
I would be more concerned if a young mother told me that her husband wasn't involved with their children, because involved fathers are a key to their future well-being. Some of the same techniques of reframing and showing appreciation, however, can be useful. Is the husband getting the message that what he does is appreciated, or is he told that he's doing everything wrong? If a husband hears, "thank you so much for taking the baby and letting me sleep, I really needed it and feel so much better. It's amazing how well she settles with her daddy!" or "Junior was so excited to see you when you came home - he can't wait to go to the park!", he feels respected and valued, and is motivated to live up to this image of himself as a devoted family man.
Lori Alexander 122p · 595 weeks ago
Cynthia · 595 weeks ago
Would you agree that, in light of everything ELSE in your lives right now, and hopefully everything that Ken is doing right now, the toilet lid really doesn't matter too much? If we think about it from the perspective of "55 years, and he STILL doesn't put the lid down!", it sounds like a big deal. If we think, "he does so much, including providing for us, caring for me when I need it most, etc.", then it really does seem like no big deal.
Ken · 595 weeks ago
This is a brand new request by Lori to try to keep the cats out, and I try to comply, but it is a brand new habit I am trying to develop to please her. Out of curiosity, does your husband put the lid down, or do you? Most homes do not.
The point was to not let such minor things bother you. Tell your husband what you desire... remind him... but until he develops the habit, don't let it bother you... nor turn it into the negativity of some who think, "He really does not love me or he would put the lid down!"
I am curious how Lori should react if I did not go to her treatments, or fulfill all you wrote above? Should she not handle this just like the toilet lid? What good would it do her to start thinking that her loving husband was not loving her the way she wanted him to?
Each time a spouse puts expectations upon the other, or worse yet demands, it only leads to heartbreak and fighting. It is always best to expect nothing and appreciate the love that is shown. I know that this is hard to do at times, but this is what we as believers are called to do. Change what we can change, and leave the rest to the Lord to change in us, and in our spouse. Say it once, say it twice… then let the goodwill of your spouse and the Lord do the rest.
Cynthia · 595 weeks ago
I really don't care about toilet lids. I also don't care if my husband leaves a towel on the floor, or doesn't load a dishwasher, etc. These are minor things. I don't think of myself as some martyr or suffering servant if I do them. It's not a big deal.
What IS a big deal to me is that when I started bleeding 17 weeks into my first pregnancy, the nurses called my husband and he came to my side. He was a busy medical resident at the time, but he got someone to cover his shift. He stayed by my side as we got the devastating news during the ultrasound, and was there right until they wheeled me into the OR the next day, even though it meant that he had to cancel a planned trip to a conference that day where he was supposed to have a poster presented with his research. His love and support meant everything to me. I don't care about flowers or jewelry - he showed me true love and devotion, and I know that I can count on him to be there for the kids and I, no matter what. He deserves my love and respect and appreciation, and I try to make the effort to show it every day.
[Of course, I also do the same for him. He's had some health issues over the past two years, including 10 surgeries, so taking him to the hospital became part of my routine. May the Lord grant all full healing.]
Mrs. P · 595 weeks ago
Lydia Walker · 595 weeks ago
Kim · 595 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson · 595 weeks ago
Danielle B · 595 weeks ago
Lori, how did your first treatment go?
Lori Alexander 122p · 595 weeks ago
Cynthia · 595 weeks ago
Danielle B · 595 weeks ago