Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Children Love Strict Parents Who Sets Boundaries!


"I would love a big family....I would have as many children as I possibly could. I will probably be very strict with my children. I was very grateful to be raised that way. I loved the boundaries that my parents set and I felt like I matured a lot faster because of it," said Michael Bates, one of the oldest daughters of the Bates family that now has their own television show.

Unfortunately, the parents are not being as strict with their younger children. The mother admitted that they have, "gotten really, really, really soft in our old age." Another older daughter said, "The younger kids get away with murder. Not literally murder, but murder." An older son replied, "When I was growing up, my parents were a lot more strict." The older daughter added, "It use to be when we stuck out our tongue or if we said no, we got a talkin' to. Now the kids will turn around spout off, say no or stick out their tongue and mom and dad will say, 'Isn't that so cute?' And we're thinking, 'It's not really so cute.'" Mrs. Bates confessed, "We have a tendency to spoil them" and the father agreed, "We might just be too tired to get up and handle the situation or we're getting too soft on crime." Then they both laughed.

They took the small children into a store and had to be constantly chasing after them telling them not to touch. They were NOT well-behaved children. If you have to tell your child something over and over again and they're not listening and obeying, they are developing a rebellious spirit. 

It's very sad when parents relax their standards on the younger children. It only hurts them as they are growing up less disciplined and it makes raising the children SO much more difficult in the long run. I know these parents love the Lord and His ways but I sure hope they watch this program and realize the mistake they are making in raising their younger children. 

Children love and need boundaries! It teaches them discipline so when they grow up, they are disciplined adults and able to live productive lives. We should NEVER laugh at their misbehavior and think it is cute, but discipline them immediately whenever we see  disobedience in them. The earlier you train them to obey, the faster and easier they will learn and be a joy to be around. 

Don't let your children run the home! In Isaiah 3:12 it states, "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths." When children are not disciplined and are boss of the home, the parents will be oppressed for children are NOT to rule the home. {This verse also states that women are NOT created to rule over men. It is only times of wickedness and rebellion that women rule, but this if for another post.}

Voddie Baucham gives some great advice on raising children properly. Yes, it takes a lot of time and effort, but it is well worth it as Michael Bates stated so clearly by loving the boundaries and how strict her parents were with her.


Comments (34)

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I admit that we have been a lot softer with our younger children than we were with our oder ones, and it does show. In fact I honestly don't kow any couple with a lot of children over a wide age range who haven't stuggled with this.

Our children aren't terrors (when you compare them with your average kid these days), but there is a marked diffrence.

Perhaps you should write about that. Help us out a little bit with your wisdom.

-E
I watched this show and thought some of the same things. However, I'm not in their position and I can understand their struggle. We 4 kids in under 3 1/2 years. Our youngest is now 18 months and we don't plan to get pregnant again anytime soon. We both desire a little bigger gap before more children. When another group of children come and when I know it is our last I know this is something I will struggle with. Just knowing it's your last baby...I will be emotional! Lol I know my husband will keep me accountable though.

I did really enjoy the part where they had a training session with the younger kids before going out. The dad made a comment about how important and more effective it is to train when they are b not in disobedience. I'll talk to my kids and set our my expectations before going out, but we don't have "training sessions" at home. I thought that was a good idea.

I agree with a previous comment. I don't know a large (8+ kids) family that hasn't struggled with this.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
My mom and dad have gotten much softer with the younger kids. I'm the oldest of 7. The oldest 4 of us are married and then there are 3 little ones at home. The little ones get away with so much that we older ones never did. I've been trying to encourage my mom to be more strict with them.

I think people get more lax as they get older for a few reasons.
1) They forget how much work went into making the older ones behave. This is especially true when there's an age gap between the older and younger kids. By the time the younger ones come along, the older ones are already well-behaved and they're coasting. They forget that every child that comes along has to be taught to mind and to be hard-working and respectful. It doesn't spread to the younger ones automatically.
2) It's tough to keep up the rigorous training year after year. Parents get tired of fighting it out and being consistent. It's easier to just let little things slide. But they forget that letting the little things slide means their children aren't getting the consistency they need to train them right.
3) It's easy to think "I've got this." After all, the older ones are turning out great. You're a pro and can just coast along. They'll turn out fine just because you are great parent, as evidenced by the older kids.

It's our human nature to want to give up and take the easy route, but we can't. The younger children are just as important and need to be trained just as much as the older ones. God entrusted both older and younger children to parents and that charge is a serious one. The younger ones deserve the same careful and rigorous parenting the older ones got. So I think parents need to be aware of the very common tendency to slack up with the younger ones so that they can guard against it and stay true and consistent with their younger kids.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
I should add that we don't laugh off disrespect or misbehavior (my husband takes that VERY seriously)) but the structure, the attention to make sure they respond with obeience the first time they are instructed, swift discipline and things that we saw to with our older children? All but nonexistent with the younger set.

And now that they aren't quite so little (8 and 6), I can see where the errors we made are becoming something we have to address now, and we are, albeit imperfectly.

And our older kids say pretty much the same thing you quoted from the Bates kids. In fact they shortcut it by saying we're grandparenting the younger ones.

-E
2 replies · active 530 weeks ago
I hope this doesn't come across too mean, but I see this with older moms especially if they are having their first child in their late 30's/early 40s. I call it the "grandma syndrome".
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
As far as the Duggars go they have been on tv for how many years now? They have endured constant scrutiny since day 1. Constant. The Bates haven't. Perhaps if the Bates were going on morning talk shows all of the time and doing public events they would have felt the pressure to get those younger children in line. But hanging out at home all the time creates a different dynamic. I saw on Alyssa Bates Webster's instagram account how people were making all sorts of comments to her about wearing a sleeveless top. I feel like people just will pick at ANYTHING. So soon now the Bates will experience some of what the Duggars have been dealing with all along.
3 replies · active 530 weeks ago
I'd love to hear about how you deal effectively with those behaviors (tantrums, etc.). I'm still learning and love to hear from more experienced mums. Please tell the raisin story! And how do you ensure that the first temper tantrum is the last? Posts about topics like that would be awesome!!!

Diana
2 replies · active 530 weeks ago
And I need help with getting my son to sleep without having to baby him for an hour. He's 18 months old and I'm expecting this April and he has to be nursed or rocked to sleep. As we speak I'm letting him cry to sleep, which won't happen, I'll end up having to go in there. Because I was just in there for an hour and he fell asleep 3 times then I put him down and when I go to leave he jolts up and screams because he wants me in there. We've always struggled with him when it comes to sleep. Some days he's fine and others he just wants me in there or to be rocked forever and when the new baby is here I just won't be able to do that!
2 replies · active 530 weeks ago
Lori, if I may. I applaud and thank you for your thoughts on child raising. I do not have children myself (I would like to, soon) but currently teach fourth grade in a pubic school. Why, just yesterday morning I was in a meeting with the parents of a child who refuses to work. They admitted that at home they give her money every time she does a single chore, and/or they buy her new hockey equipment. And we wonder why she refuses to sit and find the greatest common factor! Because I'm not waving money in front of her face to do it! Recently, during a read-aloud, she was making noises and spinning around, so I sent her to sit in the hallway. The parents were angry at me for doing that, because it drew attention to her. What in the world do they think the noises and spinning were doing!? She was being a brat, it's as simple as that.

I wholeheartedly agree with you that children should be obedient at all times, and that the way we spoil our children today poses an immediate threat to our country. Often you write that wives should obey husbands as employees obey their bosses, citizens obey law enforcement, and students obey teachers. And I shake my head, because these things would seem obvious wouldn’t they? But they're not. Indeed *I* was the one on trial, because I made a child obey me over a simple and routine matter. It is so sad. I just want the children to learn responsibility and academics, but the parents just want them to have fun and get their egos inflated. It seems something as simple as asking kids to pay attention is downright old fashioned nowadays.

Anyway, thank you for allowing me to throw in my two cents!
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
I have a question about an old proverb that says, " It takes a village to raise a child." I grew up in a single parent home and unfortunately that left me open to the devices of the enemy. That being said, my mother relied on family members to help raise all three of us. I've been trying to link that proverb to what the Bible instructs on parenting, and can't find anything.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
I was raised to let the father hand out the punishments and I do that with my kids. I am not strong enough to get after them and the times I've spanked them I just wear myself out. Now I let my husband handle it because he does not let their cries stop him. If we want to raise godly children we have to be strong for us and for them. We are preparing them for there future and discipline will hold them in the ways of our Lord. I do feel a little bit bad for them sometimes but then I just pick up Debbie Pearls book and it soothes me. God wants up to be disciplined and Satan will open the door to sin if we don't do it.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
My parents were very strict with my brother, sister and me and I look back at it now and am so thankful for that! I sure miss when the Duggars are off for a season but am enjoying the Bates. Though there is quite a difference in the children's behavior....I would much prefer the Bates children to many of the children I see.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
I have realized a few times that I've been softer on my youngest so I know that's easy to do. I've had to step it up and train her better in certain areas. As you said, I pray the Bates' parents realize this too! It definitely takes time and effort to train {as I know they know}, but it saves so much time and energy in the future when you have well-behaved children.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
Isn't this the truth! Just the other day our second to youngest said something sassy, and honestly it was hard not to laugh! We were much stricter with the older two, especially the oldest. In fact, we have wondered if we are TOO strict and hard on him. But maybe not. I feel like it is such a hard balance to find. We really want to try to keep our treatment of all of the kids equal. I was the second youngest in my family and I know that my little sister and I got away with just about anything.
1 reply · active 530 weeks ago
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 530 weeks ago

Coming at this from the viewpoint of an adult, I actually wish that my own parents had been stricter with me; namely, in the types of entertainment they allowed in their house. They gave me my way far too often. That has caused problems I still struggle with to this day. I also wish they had warned me about dating and promoted young marriage to me instead of basically letting me figure things out on my own through trial, error, and experience. That has left a lot of scars.
I agree with you Lori, It should not be tolerated. But I see so much around me that makes the Bates youngest ones look very well behaved! I know there are things my 5 year old gets away with that my dad would have pulled the belt out over. But some things are blatant disrespect and that we don't tolerate. I miss when the Duggars are off for a season. It seems like seasons are only a few weeks any more! What is up with that?

Lori...it is probably my computer but when I try to reply to anyone I get the word 'cancel' in red next to the submit comment box and I am unable to click on the submit comment box. Just one of the many things that drives me nuts about the computer!!

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