Monday, December 21, 2015

The Beginning of Wisdom ~ Chapter Six


Many wives believe they are more spiritual than their husband. Many come to me and complain about their husband's lack of spiritual leadership in their home. I understand them since I used to be this way until I read this chapter in Debi's book. We think we are more spiritual because we read our Bibles and pray more than our husbands. We go to Bible Study and would never think of missing a church service, plus most of us don't struggle with sexual things like they do. We must be SO much better than them. Right? Wrong!

When we are criticizing our husbands, judging them and comparing them to us, we are sinning. God made them our leader and head over us and commands that we respect and honor them as our leader. He commands we obey them in everything and submit to their leading, NOT sit in judgment of them. A woman who really knows God will know that true spirituality is obeying God's recorded Word, not cultivating her "spiritual" sensibilities.*

 When we continually walk in disobedience to God, we will reap the consequences from doing it. Our actions and reactions do indeed reap painful results in this present life as well as in eternity. We live under a law of sowing and reaping that is as certain and unrelenting as disease and death.* We will NEVER have a good marriage if we think we are more spiritual or more anything than our husbands since we are not building up but tearing down. Do NOT cultivate bitterness in your heart toward your husband. Bitterness is a poison that will come back and bite you and may even destroy your life. Don't be your husband's Holy Spirit but encourage him instead. Allow the Spirit to do His work in your husband since this is not your job. Remember, a wise woman builds up her home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands with bitterness and a critical spirit.


By the time many women are entering their fortieth year, they are teetering on the edge of mental instability. They have spent several years of their life irritated at their husbands, daily feeling hurt and responding with coldness and bitterness. Instead of practicing being thankful and merry, they are practicing bitterness.* Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled {Hebrews 12:15}.

Bitterness defiles you. The definition of defile is "to make foul, dirty or unclean; pollute." When you dishonor His marriage plan, clearly recorded in His word, He will stand against you while sin eats away your soul and destroys your health. The consequences of sin are always cruel and costly.*  God is VERY clear in His Word that we will reap what we sow, so sow beauty, women. Sow the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to our Lord. I am convicted as I write these words. I love being challenged, convicted and reminded of God's glorious ways. I pray you are as well.

Seek wisdom, dear women. Stop doing marriage your way and producing rotten, polluted fruit but instead begin living in the fear of the Lord and doing it His way. Don't listen to the many preachers and teachers anymore who make people comfortable living in their sin; who never speak about the many wives who are in rebellion to their husband's leadership and living a life contrary to the Word of God. Find pastors that preach about godliness and holiness who rebuke, exhort and encourage their congregation to walk in the Spirit and live lives pleasing to the Lord. 

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Psalm 110:11

**Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or 
questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes taken from the book.

Comments (18)

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This is good. This is really good if a woman has a husband who is unsaved, and she truly has mental bias to believe she IS "more spiritual" than him. Self righteousness can cause all manner of wicked thought life and behavior. Our righteousness is of THE LORD. But for the Blood of Jesus, we are filthy. Beautiful post.
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
Exactly, Robin! We are nothing without Him!
1) God does things His way for one reason – to glorify Himself; 2) we think we know what is going on since we now have ‘the knowledge of good and evil’ but we simply do not have the horsepower to see through time and space and fight evil on our own – Rom 8:7 calls this our ‘carnal mind’ and it is at ‘enmity with God’; 3) rather, we know we are walking in the spirit -- that we have a spiritual mind – [again verse 7] when we are ‘subject to the law of God’ – that law being His Word; I suggest defining ‘subject to’ as respecting, submitting to, and obeying His word [we literally become a ‘subject’ … as to a ‘lord’]; 4) sound familiar? the wife is the primary example for the church in her marriage – in the model institution for fearing and loving God. My observation: the healing of the church starts with wives being subject to the law. Epilogue… Rom 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh [carnal], but after the spirit [defined in Rom 8:7 = the Word].” That is true freedom and the very peace of God. Every wife, ye every woman is incredibly beautiful; but that beauty is only revealed in their hunger for God in living out His word.
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
That was beautiful, Dave. Thank you!
Good morning, Lori! I like to check out your blog on a regular basis. Lots of wisdom from you and others who have learned to walk in obedience under the authority of your husband. I am blessed and convicted by much of it. I have been married many years now and it took me a long time to finally catch on to how our relationship could move to a better level! It really takes so much grace and forgiveness from both of us, but I must agree that when the woman decides to put on a meek and quiet spirit she will reap so many benefits from the marriage, including a much more content and willing husband!! My one question still remains...and this comes as a result of us women thinking we are more spiritual than our husbands...why is he not willing to pray with me and have a devotional together unless I suggest it? And then never take the initiative in that direction on any given day?? We seem to have a great relationship and have for many years already (and I think he would agree) but this one thing simply is not happening. I yearn for it but I feel like I'm acting more spiritual when I take the lead, and so then it drops by the way - again. :/ We can discuss almost anything under the sun when it comes to spiritual matters but it seems to stall at this one. Thanks.
2 replies · active 483 weeks ago
If he willingly does it when you suggest it, Miss K, then do this and be happy with this as long as he is okay with it. If he is okay with it, then it doesn't matter if you suggest it and he doesn't. It's nothing to worry about or make a big deal about. However, you must be content with the way he is and not put expectations upon him or else you will never be content with him. Remember, godliness with contentment is great gain. I can tell you one thing; the more time you spend in the Word and become like Jesus in that you are kinder, more loving and gentle, the more he is going to want what you have. We are told to win disobedient husbands without a word by our godly behavior. Therefore, work on your godly behavior and leave the rest in the Lord's very capable hands.
Miss K,

I totally relate to your struggle, and I think a lot of other wives do too! We want our husbands to be spiritual leaders and that's not a bad thing to desire! But it is not up to us to make them leaders, and often when we try it backfires because all our constant hints, reminders, and attempts to set the agenda only make our husbands MORE likely to sit back and let us lead. Please read this article, it talks about how so many husbands lead in ways that don't fit our very narrow definition of what a "spiritual leader" looks like. Below is a quote from the article, but I encourage you to check out the whole thing, it's very good. I know I was really convicted when I read it that I was missing so many ways my husband was already leading because they didn't measure up to MY vision. peacefulwife.com/2014/01/24/ways-husbands-lead-that-wives-often-dont-notice-from-the-archives/

"In real life, husbands tend to lead in “subtle” ways. They don’t usually announce – “We will now begin our 6:30pm nightly Bible study time. Here is an outline of the books of the Bible we will be covering for the next 12 months. There will be a test every week and here is a list of all the Bible verses I expect each family member to memorize each week. You will all be graded. There will be an essay question once a month, with extra credit options.”
I think sometimes we as wives tend to expect our husbands to stand in front of our families like a pastor and preach or like a Sunday School teacher and teach for 1 hour every night.
I would like to suggest, that MOST husbands don’t follow that type of style, but they often DO try to lead their families in many ways, especially if they have a wife who is supportive, cooperative and full of real admiration and faith in them."

I would suggest you read through the list she gives of ways husbands lead that we tend not to notice, look for and appreciate those things in your husband, and don't press the issue of devotional time. Give it to God in prayer, but let your husband lead in the way he decides, even if that means no couple devotions.
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HappyHomemaker · 483 weeks ago

Her excuse might be menopause, but you will find bitterness is the real source. A hormonal change doesn't change a woman's soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defenses against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart. ---Pg 59

I think this convicts me EVERY time I read it. I find myself falling into this trap and saying "oh, you were just ill because your hormones are out of whack" and while the hormones may be whacky, that doesn't change how I am to be. That doesn't give me permission to have an attitude or tone or act sinfully. Sometimes, I really need help with not using the blame game.

She just couldn't believe that God would have her, a spiritual woman, stand up for and follow a "carnal" man.---Pg 60

In my mind, I see the woman that always has a reason or excuse for why the bible doesn't apply to them. They are the exception. It's like some women just cannot see that they do anything wrong. If they would quit focusing on their husband's faults and look at their own, they could see that they are indeed being sinful (and yes, this applies to me as well).

Instead of being thankful and merry, they are practicing bitterness. As practice enables the pianist to find the right keys without effort or thought, so a woman who practices discontentment will, without thought, hit the notes of bitterness when her chain is pulled. ---Pg 62

She has practiced her bitterness until it comes naturally, and she does not even recognize it.---Pg 62

On many occasions, this applies to me. I will find that I let just a little rebellion creep in and before I know it, God is showing me (yet again) look at just how rebellious you have become. It's the little things that don't seem to really matter (do I really need to get prettied up today before he gets home? I sure am tired) that lead to being continuously rebellious (one small thing tends to lead to something a little more rebellious which then leads to worse and worse until you don't even know how it got that far in the first place).

I am loving this study! It is convicting me very much and opening my eyes to ways I have let myself slip and I am thankful that God is showing it to me. A big thank you to everyone who has been posting, I have certainly enjoyed reading the responses.
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
You are so right about using hormones or illness to excuse our behavior. Our true behavior comes out during difficult times. Who are we building our lives upon? The Rock that never moves or the shifting sand of our emotions and feelings? Thank you so much, HappyHomemaker, for your well thought out comments on this series. I am sure it ministers to many women.
What really helped me was following Debi's advice in Chapter 6, page 64. "Make a New Habit - When you feel yourself beginning to have a critical spirit, stop, take a deep breath, silently ask for wisdom, then think of something that is on your thankful list. This is remodeling a habit, and, in time, practice makes it perfect."

I have done this numerous times and it always works. I'm also finding that I don't have to do this nearly as often as before, since I'm not as critical as I used to be. It's much more peaceful for everyone if I have a thankful heart rather than one that finds fault all of the time!
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
Yes, Katie, replacing a bad habit with a good habit! Good for you and I have found my peaceful relationship with Ken getting easier and easier as the years go by, thankfully.
My mother was quite clearly far more knowledgeable in regards to the bible as she had grown up in a very strong and loving Christian home and spent hours and hours listening to her very wise father. When she married my father, he knew nothing and whilst his faith grew, he was very much the novice of the two. But my mother never made him feel weaker or inferior. My father always lead our morning and evening bible reading and prayers and my mother would gently coach him in those areas of the bible he struggled with, made sure he had lots of literature to read and surrounded him with wise men (including her father and brothers). My father may not be very good at quoting many bible verses and his faith may appear simple to those who are more intellectual – but he is a true and strong Christian man who has grown spiritually because of the woman he married. My mother, through her support and love gave him the strength and confidences he needed to grow spiritually. And now when she is weak from her stroke and her health is poor and often needs a boast spiritually — my dad is the one to do it.
2 replies · active 483 weeks ago
You had an amazing mother, Jo! Thank you for sharing her inspirational life with us.
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HappyHomemaker · 483 weeks ago

What a wonderful and wise mother you have Jo. Thanks for sharing this, it touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing this post and your thoughts, Lori! I have to be honest and share that this has reminded me of the Lord's conviction on this very thing in my life. I started reading this book about 3 years ago, then decided to stop only a few chapters into it because of the negative comments I kept receiving about the teachings in this book. I am regretful that I caved in, and you have truly encouraged me to pick it up and finally finish it. All of the spiritual attacks on our marriages would be quickly won if we, as wives, would listen to what the Lord says for us to do. Pure and simple. God bless!
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
God bless you too, Jackie. Yes, there are many who hate the Pearls and what they teach but stronger is He who is in them than he who is in their haters. This book has changed many marriages for good and I am so thankful for the Pearls strong stand for Truth in the spite of immense opposition.
Debi quotes Deut 28:28 at the end of the chapter.
"The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart."
I have been reading Deuteronomy (and this very section this week)!! I have been struck how God loves to bless, but He will not bless the disobedient. I in fact set myself as His enemy when I disobey. I was convicted. It seems that when I cultivate bitterness and reject my husband's leadership, nothing goes well. . Deut 28:20 "The Lord will send on you curses, confusion, and rebuke in everything you put your hand to...because of the evil you have done in forsaking Him." I repented, and, wow, the peace and rest is amazing. I even found myself smiling yesterday, where I have been pretty stressed lately with not much smiling. Thanks for doing this study:)
1 reply · active 483 weeks ago
You're welcome, T.J. God tells us that if we love Him, we will do what He commands. The thing is, all of His commands are for our good! When we disobey Him, we are hurting ourselves the most and missing out on His blessings on our life.

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