Since I didn't give my children drugs when they had a fever, I was a bad mother. Since I gave my children a few whacks on the bottom when they disobeyed me, I was a bad mother. I get it. Some people think that children should never experience pain. The Bible teaches differently ~
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastens not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons.
Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence : shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby .
Hebrews 12:7-11
I allowed my children to suffer at times, because I loved them. Yes, if they broke their arm and were in extreme pain, I would give them Tylenol. If they had a fever, however, I would try to make them as comfortable as possible without trying to bring their fever down, because I knew that the fever is a good thing that kills the sickness in their bodies. {If the fever had ever become dangerously high, I would have given them Tylenol and taken them to the doctor. I am not stupid.}
I often wonder if drugs are such a problem in today's society, because parents gave their children drugs for every little thing when they were growing up. When they grew up they reasoned, "I am in pain. This is a bad thing. I must take away the pain so I must take drugs."
I smacked them on the bottom a few times when they disobeyed me so they would obey me. It worked! When a baby bit me when nursing, I flicked their cheek once. They never bit me again. It worked! Pain is a great teacher.
Many people believe pain and suffering are bad things. They are not. They are teachers that can teach us good things, like obeying authority and allowing our bodies to heal themselves naturally without the side effects of drugs.
God uses pain in our lives to teach us many things ~ to trust in Him, to be more compassionate, to obey Him, to lean on Him and realize that this isn't our home. It helps us to lessen our grip on things of this world.
In conclusion, I was not a bad mother. I chose to mother the way that I did because my common sense and the wisdom I sought from the Lord told me to mother that way. Sure, I made mistakes. We all do, but I wanted my children to grow up as disciplined adults who could handle pain and know that it is part of life.
P.S. Yes, that is a picture of my children when they were small! So if you have small children, enjoy them. They grow up quickly.
Logging you in...
Joluise · 686 weeks ago
Illness isn’t the time to teach children to “understand” pain for later in life (“grow up as disciplined adults who could handle pain and know that it is part of life”), it was a time for me as a mother to do what I believe was right, ease their suffering if I can. Yes, we all suffer pain, some more than others, we really don’t need any more than necessary. Giving my sons Panadol hasn’t turned them into weak adults, quite the opposite. They know how to manage pain and what is the appropriate course of action for things like fevers.
I almost died from a fever a child as a result of German Measles – thank goodness my parents acted when they did, as it might have been too late.
Michelle · 686 weeks ago
Tiffany · 686 weeks ago
Here is another Christian viewpoint on spanking, in case you or anyone else is interested...
http://www.memoriesoncloverlane.com/search/label/...
ayearinskirts 66p · 686 weeks ago
Carol · 686 weeks ago
RRT · 686 weeks ago
I thought the fever was good thing, that killed the sickness. Suddenly it isn't anymore? Sounds like you were just playing around.
Ken · 686 weeks ago
No one likes pain, but fevers, so long as they remain under 103 in children, are natures natural way of fighting the virus or bug. Stop it too early and you hold onto the bug much longer. So let nature take its course and quit babying your kids, for their sake. We never withheld Tylenol from the kids so that they would have pain, but in each instance we did what we felt was best for the child. And they all turned out just fine. A few runs to the doctors, a very modest use of Tylenol, lots of ice and heat, and our kids turned out just fine.
I refer those of you who run to the medicine cabinets for fevers to the following article that says that parents are twice as likely to give drugs to their kids for fevers under 100.4 than doctors would recommend, precisely because a fever is beneficial to a child. It goes on to say how to make your child comfortable, and finishes by saying seek a doctor’s help for fevers over 103-104. http://www.truestarhealth.com/members/cm_archives...
Michelle W · 686 weeks ago
I personally was the "sick kid" in the family with constant (bad) allergies and tonsillitis. My parents knew I was in real pain with the tonsillitis, so they gave me the needed antibiotics and fever reducers when I truly had "high fevers", had my tonsils taken out, and that was that. My brothers didn't have allergy problems like I did, and aside from the random ER trip, they weren't given "stuff" just because of a stuffy nose or scratchy throat (any one else gargle with warm salt water?)
As I've gotten older and my allergies worsened, I turned to allergy shots instead of pumping myself full of allergy medicines that semi-mask the problem, not (eventually) remove it. Is that because my parents didn't give me reign of the medicine cabinet? God no. It's because I know what's currently best for my body. Just like you as a parent know what's best for your child's.
Brit · 686 weeks ago
My 21 month old and 23 month old (we adopted one) get 12-14 hours of sleep a night and take a 2 hour nap. We've always been strict on sleeping, limiting how much sugar they get and limiting their exposure to drugs/antibiotics. Besides the ear infections my son is almost 2 and has never been sick. Yes, he has been exposed to a lot.
Brit · 686 weeks ago
Kids get sick, I know that, but as parents there is a lot we can do to help their immune systems be as strong as possible.
I don't know if this has made a difference, but we also do not vaccinate our children for several reasons.
http://momanswerswithbrit.com/?p=725
SAH Farmer Mom · 686 weeks ago
Kristin · 686 weeks ago
Rightthinker · 686 weeks ago
Flicking a nursing baby on the cheek is hardly causing undue pain. If one values the nursing relationship, and wishes for it to continue, it is the first line of defense in teaching a nursling that continued biting equals a physiological response from mother. Otherwise, baby begins to see that he/she can bite, chew and otherwise harm mother in an extremely painful way.
Christians today that dismiss biblical instruction for discipline are generally the same people that disregard any parts of the Word that are not easy, comfortable and that cause conviction. They only follow their own version of the gospel..one that's easy for them to swallow. They accuse those with strong biblical discipline of being abusive..yet we are the parents of many children who are blessing others with growing children into adults who are raised with love and selflessness towards others. We are not the parents in the store screaming, or conversely, allowing our children to ruin the day for every person they come in contact with, by living out the errant teaching of modern parenting: children are little demi-gods never to be made to feel wrong about their behavior.
So often, parents who oppose any type of strong biblical parenting choose to say that it is not "natural". However, they haven't spent much time examining God's creation. All higher animal forms strike their young when they are out of line-presumably causing far more pain than a strong "no" and a hand swat. Have you seen the teeth on tigers?
The other things neglected by those who love to attack parents who discipline, is the fact that parents who follow the biblical model of parenting, rarely spank their children. It is a form of considered discipline, and if parenting is done lovingly and correctly, rarely used, and almost definitely completed by school age. From there, parents can trust their children to obey both them, and the societal requirements for behavior. All the while, the permissive parents who are scared to parent, have children screaming and hollering and whining and disobeying..effectively running the lives of the parents. These are the parents of only one or two children who talk about being "so stressed..so tired...I could never have any more children...oh the terrible two's..oh the terrible teen years"..etc. It isn't coming from parents who love and discipline according to God's Word!
You reap what you sow. Adult children who are thankful for being raised in a biblically discipled home..and not simply in convenient ways. They themselves then grow to be adults who love and serve the Lord and their fellow man. The ones who grow without discipline grow to whine about their childhood..whine about their lack of entitlements..and visit Christian blogs with the sole purpose of causing strife.
God Bless Mrs Alexander. You keep up speaking the truth.
Ronda Ellis · 686 weeks ago
What can I say except I love Always Learning--I grew up with only a Mom and I miss her terribly today! What I am about to say is in no way to harm her memory, but for the adults that have spoken against spanking...my Mama loved me, but not enough to discipline me properly; my parents split up when I was only 5 because my Daddy wanted to discipline and Mama didn't!? I grew into a selfish, self-centered young woman and have thankfully come to know the Lord and He has given grace to overcome so many obstacles that I believe would not have been there had there been proper discipline--As to allowing children to deal with physical pain and not running to the medicine cabinet or the doctor always I agree--I had quite a few physical issues as a child and as a result of constant treatment for things that truly may have required it, I now have an allergy alert list that reads like a small novel...I also deal with physical issues now that have a tremendous amount of pain and although God is gracious, had I learned at an early age to deal with more pain perhaps life would be easier now! Thank you again for the gracious kindness with which you share!
missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago
I strongly disagree with the above quote.
Aiding a child's immune system when he has a fever instead of fighting his God given immune system with tylenol is knowledgeable parenting. Causing a baby physical pain as they are nestled safely in mother's arms is sickening.
missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago
God designed the nursing relationship between mother and suckling to be a place of learning to trust, •Psalm 22:9 declares, “You (God) brought me out of the womb, you made me trust in you even at my mother’s breast.”
missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago
Rightthinker · 686 weeks ago
My comment was in light of the post here. When a women with raised children who are apparently wonderful children of the Lord, posts that flicking a breast biting child is appropriate, and then a comment says something about "what else will you do to the child"; that infers abuse, it deserves a response from someone with the same belief. The "gentle parenting" crowd loves to characterize all Christians who use biblical discipline as abusers. I am all for parental autonomy. Raise your child(ren) as you see fit, but please reserve the "abuse" characterizations for people who are raising their children according to Scripture.
There are plenty of verses about raising our children with biblical chastisement, as well as how God chastises His children Himself. I will not cite all the verses here, as your agenda is clear.
I am not on FB, and never have been so don't worry about that being my reason for choosing to parent my children. I also do not text, or use a cell phone, or spend hours on the internet per day. I have responded to this post, because it matters to me-the defense of biblical parenting and the fact that gentle parenting advocates paint all parents who choose biblical parents as abusers. My speech is seasoned with grace, as I have six children I round the clock parent with a homeschooling home centered in Christ, but I don't expect you to look past your erroneous conclusion that I, or those like the Mrs Alexander, am a child abusers (your own leap you took from flicking to what else will you do to a baby?) because we raise our children in a manner according to our biblical conviction.
I won't comment anymore on this subject here, as I am about tired out from gentle parents attacking those with strong love and discipline for their children, with their "more enlightened modern and far more holy views", that bear out with children who are completely lacking in respect for authority. It differs none from the secular and moral relativism based views of parenting. Ever since the great exodus from biblical parenting, in favor of "newer and better" methods, we have had generations of children turning into adults who are out of control, and have no respect for their parents.
God bless you and your children much!
Tiffany · 686 weeks ago
Two scriptures that come to mind:
Matthew 18:6....."But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."
Matthew 25:40...."And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
missionarymomma · 686 weeks ago
My contention is the word, "baby". It does not say a 2 1/2 year old child or a 10 year old child or whatever other words, "Right Thinker" wants to insert for Lori or others who comment here.
Since there has been such arrogance I will add, in my own experience, I have seen families who think they have all the answers lose their children because they were so proud and rude and that is such a turn off. I have also seen parents who have failed on many important aspects of parenting but who were so filled with a genuine love that their children rise up and call their parents blessed.
Rightthinker speaks of a 1 year old showing agression. Why would a little child who has been tenderly cared for show aggression? Just as Right thinker keeps putter words into the mouths of others I think we can put false motives on our babies.By the way, so far, I have never had a child bite another one. Our children do understand and desire obedience. As far as our babies, we are teaching them trust before obedience.
I want to love mercy and walk humbly. Mercy does triumph over judgement.
Lori Alexander 122p · 686 weeks ago
Emilee · 686 weeks ago
Actually, the comparison is very relevant. When we vaccinate children, we are causing them pain so that they will not have to endure it later through sickness. When we flick or spank, we are causing them pain (although very little) so that they will learn to be obedient. Both things inflict pain, but for the greater good of the child.
Mrs.B · 683 weeks ago
Way to be a "bad mother"! :)