Always Learning: Children Overeating ~ Off Limits?

Monday, April 30, 2012

Children Overeating ~ Off Limits?

When you see your children overeating or gaining weight, are you allowed to talk to them about it? I would venture to say that most parents think it is wrong to say anthing to them. They can confront their children if they are lying, stealing, cheating, etc. but if they eat too much, they aren't allowed to confront them with this issue.

Ken and I disagreed with this philosophy. If we saw our children doing anything that we thought was harmful or against Scripture, we talked to them about it.

Many will say that this will lead to eating disorders in women. How many women do you know that haven't struggled in the area of weight and eating? I think it is just something most women will struggle with. Most people struggle with overeating, because food is so abundant and delicious in America.

I know it was hard for our girls if we ever brought it up to them but isn't it hard when anyone brings up any issue in your life that may be a bad habit or sin? Confrontation is never fun but we are encouraged in Scripture to exhort, rebuke, and encourage each other. We can hold each other accountable and help each other overcome our weaknesses and sins.

This is a touchy subject. I have never been afraid to tackle touchy subjects, as you know. Gluttony is clearly defined in the Bible as a sin. I would encourage you to train your children in self-control in this area as well as all areas of personal discipline while they are young. Set a good example to them. Eat healthy, exercise, and get good amounts of sleep. Then, when they are adults, they will eat healthy, exercise and get good amounts of sleep!

Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.

Proverbs 23:20,21

P.S. No, Emma is not a glutton at this time. She just loves to help me with my chocolate shake!

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Allison Renee · 673 weeks ago

Thanks for this post. I have a child who has struggled in this area for many years. It was only in the last year or two that I realized that he had a food addiction and began to monitor food choices and quantity. I did have many talks about being healthy and practicing self control even in our minds as many food addictions begin with thinking about food all the time. It has been just in the last month or two that my husband and I have noticed food being less of a priority in his life. Praise the Lord. I have spent so much time in prayer over this issue. Thanks for the encouragement.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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jbeane6 36p · 673 weeks ago

Growing up as a hungry child I find it hard to think of children as overeating. Could it be that parents are over feeding. After all who puts the food on the table? My mother did not put enough food on the table to meet the nutritional needs of five hungry kids. I am not overweight, my kids are not overweight and my grandkids are not overweight.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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hoosiermama · 673 weeks ago

I understand the spirit of teaching and modeling good habits...that's a wonderful heritage! I do think, however, with kids' and teens' uneven growing patterns, body types, hormone surges, media body image, etc., that this is an area to tread very, very carefully in...with a great deal of discernment and knowing your child. I was a middle school counselor before I was married, and I saw some issues stemming from this sensitive issue.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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scienceteacher · 673 weeks ago

This post was difficult one for me to read- Growing up with a dietitian turned stay at home mom, healthy eating/weight control was a big deal. My mother fixed healthy meals, but as a pre-teen, I gained weight. When my mom saw this, she made pointed comments and disallowed certain foods and snacks until my height caught up with my weight. In high school, I was so fearful of getting "fat" again that I weighed myself daily, and would skip meals if I gained. My first semester of college, I stopped eating all together because I wanted to prove that living away from home wasn't going to make me fat. Now, as an adult, my weight is my biggest struggle, since starting graduate school, I'm not as active as I used to be, and the weight has come creeping back. Every time I visit home I am reminded that I'm "fat" and that I need to lose weight. It is an emotionally painful battle that I fight each day, feeling like a failure for not being able to get/stay thin even with the most controlled diet.

I share this because I've realized some things through this experience. While I know she was coming from a place of care and concern, telling a child she is fat or lacks willpower will not always lead to positive results. For me, learning the chemistry of how different foods were digested, and what they did within the body was more motivating than any "guilt trip", admonition, or set of rules ever was. I know in my heart that my mom's intent was not to cause lasting insecurity, but not all children have as much emotional fortitude as yours, and the way the issue is approached should fit the temperament of the child.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Brit · 673 weeks ago

Good post. It's true what the person said above that parents have the control when they are little kids. We have had to portion and stop giving our daugther (2) all the food she wants. We adopted her when she was 15 months. We don't know a lot about the beginning of her life, but her father and mother did admit to their attorney of not feeding her enough when she was little. They made her go hours without eating; it's so sad! We don't know how often this happened.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Brit · 673 weeks ago

cont.

Then, after she got used to her new home and felt safe with us she started eating and eating. She literally doesn't have a filter. She will eat more than my husband and I combined if we let her. Then, her belly sticks out REALLY far. It didn't take long for us to realize that someone was going on (we think from her past). When we first started portioning her food (with plenty of food for her to be full) she would cry and cry. Not everyone around us agree with what we are doing, but we feel it is important so she doesn't have an issue when she's older.

Now, she eats every last bit of food on her plate but doesn't cry for more. :) I know our situation is a little different than most, but this post reminded me of it.

3 replies · active 672 weeks ago

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Fran · 673 weeks ago

This is a very personal and sensitive topic for many women, including me. I speak from painful experience. If overeating is a sin issue in a child or young adult, many questions arise. First and foremost, if it is a young child, this should not be an issue, period. Parents should be controlling most of what their young children are eating and children should simply not be allowed to eat whatever they want, whenever they want it. Once a child becomes an adolescent and starts to have a say in what they are eating and when they are eating it, parents should be aware of what their children are eating and how they are using food. HOWEVER, if a young woman does need to be approached about her unhealthy eating habits, I absolutely believe it should be done delicately. One insensitive comment from a well meaning father can completely shatter a young woman's already fragile body image and throw her into a tailspin from the occasional overeating session to a full-blown eating disorder. (I speak from experience) Absolutely, if food is being used as an idol or in any unhealthy way, it should be addressed. But parents need to make sure they know their children and they know how to address things in an appropriate manner for their child's personality. (If my mom joked with my sister about an extra five pounds, it would roll right off of her. If she joked with me about an extra five pounds, at 16, I wouldn't have eaten for two days.) Overeating should NEVER be brought up as a cosmetic issue, as in, "You are getting a little chunky." Being "a little chunky" is not in itself the sin, and many young adults go through a chubby stage before evening out. The sin is turning to food or obsessing about food instead of turning to God. If parents address this issue without making this distinction, I firmly believe they could do more harm than good.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Joluise · 673 weeks ago

I have just posted some tips for loosing weight - ones that worked for me (and still working) after I lost almost 20kgs. Weight is a huge problems, both in children and in their parents. If parents don't know when to say no and overeat how are they ever going to say it to their children. People just put far too much on their plates these days - portion sizes are out of hand.

I have reached that age where it is harder to move weight - and my weight was affecting my health (blood pressure) - for our own health we need to act now. So I acted and it was the best thing ever.
http://jo-stophaveachat.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/t...

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Nicole · 673 weeks ago

My littlest girl is not built like the other kids. They were all three stick thin by about age 6, and still are. She is 6 right now, and stockier and thicker than the other three. She has a pretty pudgy belly, a wide upper body, and is also muscular. When you pick her up she feels like a bag of bricks. During the winter months, she puts on weight because of a decrease in activity. It is obvious that she LOVES carbs (like her mama). Instead of stressing about her weight, we have decided to start NOW teaching her healthy eating and exercise habits. We discuss healthy choices every single day, and I have started teaching her about healthy balances, and about watching her sugars and carbs because she obviously craves them. She seems that she will be someone who just always needs to be conscious about her choices.

I know that even with talking about "healthy choices", she still seems to stress about her "weight" and what she is eating. We make a point to tell her that she is supposed to take care of the body God gave her by making healthy choices. But however her body looks whenever she has done her best at those things is PERFECT with us.

I just want my children to work at excelling, not being perfect.

2 replies · active 673 weeks ago

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Ken · 673 weeks ago

I love the post and the comments as it exposes an often taboo issue of weight. Overweight gain is epidemic in our society and most heavy people hate it, and wish that someone, especially their parents had loved them enough to teach them discipline in this very important area of life. It is not a body image issue, it’s a health issue.

Parents will get blamed for lots of things, and yes, they need to try and be sensitive about how they approach their child on many issues, but it is the parent’s responsibility to train a child properly and to give appropriate portions to the child so that they are well trained by the time they have control over their own eating habits. Then when we see them as teens needing some additional coaching, we coach, but we do not nag, and body shape or type should not be the issue…. Health and feeling good is the issue.

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Jenny · 673 weeks ago

This one is so tough. Growing up, I watched my mother {who was extremely thin most of the time} complain about being "fat". It made me wonder if she was fat, what was I? From the time I was tiny - probably 3 - I can remember feeling ashamed of my body. I thought I was fat, and my parents never told me I was fine {I was never overweight}, but always commented on how "pretty and skinny" other girls were. Finally as a teenager, I starved myself, trying to win their approval. I got it - My Dad told me I looked "perfect". He did not mean any harm, but it hurt a lot to know that becoming "perfect" had taken a near starvation diet and purging. I never want that for my kids. Eating right is very important in my house, but if one child started to look husky, I would be extremely careful with my words and actions. Health is important, and I think being healthily meaty would be better than having a poor self-perception while striving to be someone else's standard of thin & pretty.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Nicole · 673 weeks ago

I don't think enough parents talk to their kids correctly about weight and health. If they don't hear it from you and learn how to take care of their bodies from you- who will teach them? The media?! I think that the majority of cases is that women learn beauty from the media, which is just scary! (Myself included here for a long, long time). Great message.

Blessings,
Nicole at Working Kansas Homemaker

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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Rightthinker · 673 weeks ago

It is the job of the parents, absolutely, to give instruction to children on what to eat.

The gov't now thinks it's their job. The problem is not one for the gov't to fix, as if they can. It stems from a culture of fast food and indulgence, and the gov't will be unable to force mothers to cook once again.

I know people who are so incredibly restrictive with their children's diet, that they are teaching them idol worship in my own opinion..but it is their child(ren) to raise.

I believe in moderation AND enjoyment of God's provision, as outlined in the Bible. I love to bake and cook, and I enjoy eating. Since we eat healthfully and home cooked as a regular event, I do not fear if we have a BBQ and the children eat some chips. I believe that this leads to a lifestyle of moderation, where "forbidding" any one specific food means the potential for feeling deprived and then indulging.

If I make an indulgent dessert, since it's homemade, it is from the heart, and a way to show love and to enjoy the lovely things in life. The family and I will enjoy the dessert in a small, real-life portion, and then that's it. They learn to not sit with a box of twinkies, or bags of store-bought fake cookies. They learn to enjoy delicious and homemade foods in a way that means it's not going to be the last time they get to taste something wonderful.

Our nation's obesity problem is from a lack of mothers in the home willing (or even able with the loss of homemaking teachers as mothers) to cook healthfully as the norm. It comes from a nation who loves to busy itself running constantly from soccer to this or that, and using drive through as the "only way" to eat. It comes from convenience foods and a lack of understanding of REAL nutrition, as we have peddled the diet food myth for so long...

I agree completely with your post. When I dish out plates for my younger children, I know what their portions should be..and they can fill up on the healthy foods all they choose..the healthy fats that are essential in moderation, etc. They don't revisit the serving bowls as if they are a trough on a farm. If we are instructed to lead them, it shouldn't stop at food.

When I see overweight children and preteens, i feel HORRIBLE. It's akin to child abuse. Likely, the child is not going to get any HEALTHIER as the teen years approach...the hormone flux usually causes natural weight gain then. Parents ought to be ashamed. They have set their own children up for so many difficulties-health problems, self-esteem issues, issues finding a mate who doesn't have weight problems themselves, etc. I will continue to do what it takes to ensure my children are healthy..happy is a nice by-product, and if they learn happiness isn't found at the bottom of a Cheeto's bag, then victory for their own learning curve.

5 replies · active 579 weeks ago

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Emily · 673 weeks ago

We are like you, we talk to our children about anything that may bring harm their way and I just wanted to add that when you have a larger sized family this inevitably is brought up during table manners b/c one must not be greedy in taking too much food thus not considering there is a crowd to feed. Just another benefit to having MANY children. :D There just isn't room for selfishness/overindulgence and this is learned very young.

2 replies · active 673 weeks ago

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Raine · 673 weeks ago

I think this can be a sensitive issue because of eating disorders and the huge pressure on girls (and increasingly, boys) in our society to be not only healthy but slim and "sexy". My mother was very overweight and really limited out food growing up, so we wouldn't overeat and get fat like her. (Which meant we'd come home hungry then gorge at dinner or buy candy and chips with our allowance because we could walk to the convenience store or Dairy Queen, but not buy real food). Instead, one of my sisters died from anorexia, I became bulimic and then obese once I could eat freely, and my oldest sister stayed slim for years than had weight loss surgery after gaining a lot of weight with her last 2 children. You can never really tell how the same approach might affect different children.

That said, one of the things my nutritionist has taught me is that it's best to make food available to children and let them eat until they are satisfied, but not force them to eat. The key thing, for both weight and health, is to keep the fridge and pantry stocked mostly with healthy foods that it is ok for them to eat, instead of a lot of junk or snack foods. My son is 2 now and he eats a lot, but he is very tall for his age and pretty skinny. He's been raised with things like hummus and veggies, cheese, or fruit for snacks, and eating lots of home cooked meals and choices like grilled chicken or steak tips with veggies instead of chicken nuggets and fries when we do eat out. I do keep some cookies and treats, but I waited until he developed a taste for fresh healthy foods and now he'll often choose grapes or applesauce instead of cookies or chips. This may change as he gets older, but I'll still follow the "rule" of keeping about 90-95% healthy food with only a few treats available.

With adopted kids especially, or kids who feel deprived, hoarding food or overeating when food is available is common. It's sort of a survival instinct, because they feel like they might be deprived again and have to fill up when they can. Most nutritionists and psychologists suggest giving them access to healthy food and letting them eat what they will, until they know food is available, and the issue subsides. Totally limiting or locking up food can make it even worse. If they are eating to the point of discomfort, maybe just serve smaller portions at a time but offer snacks (carrots, celery and peanut butter, something that's not too bad or expensive) frequently so they don't feel as deprived. If a person has been taught to ignore their body's signals for hunger and satiety (fullness), either through overeating or under-eating for long periods of time, it can take a while to get them back and learn to recognize them.

1 reply · active 673 weeks ago

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momto8blog 67p · 673 weeks ago

interesting at the very least! I find most kids naturally do not over eat...they have their own set point and stop when they are full. we "constructively" try to point our kids to always do the right thing....

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Rachel · 673 weeks ago

I agree with this 100%. My children's father (my ex-husband) is very overweight, about 350 lbs. His mother is about the same weight, and his 27-year-old sister is around 250 lbs. The sister has heart and joint problems, and cannot go for long walks or do vigorous activity. The mother is in an electric scooter most of the time due to her weight-related issues. Many other members of their family are extremely obese as well.

Because of this, I am very careful about what I give my kids. I do tell my 4-year-old that it's not healthy to eat too much, and eating too much could make her fat. She is a healthy size now, but I want to make sure she stays that way, especially since her and her brother do go for overnight visits to their dad see those eating patterns. Also, they drink mostly water, except at meals. Some people think this is harsh but I've seen the damage done to their obese family members. We're not talking about being able to fit into skinny jeans, we're talking about basic health and longevity!

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I'm T · 673 weeks ago

I'm hesitant to say that gluttony is the only reason that a child would be overweight today. Our food is so processed that more and more kids are developing food allergies/intolerances that lead to weight gain (eg. gluten intolerance). Also, lots of kids today are medicated with drugs that have dangerous side effects, like rapid weight gain. And, as someone mentioned, adolescence can bring myriad changes in developing young adults.

However...plenty of kids do overeat. And lots of skinny kids in this country eat really poorly. I think it's important for parents to teach good nutrition to their children, and to model good behavior, but I also think that it is something schools should address (in the form of health class/cooking lessons/ physical education class) because some children aren't getting those lessons at home and because of the effect of reinforcing this healthy behavior in front of the entire peer group.

I think for my (future) children we'll take note of a weight gain, but wait and see if we can rule out other explanations that they may not even be aware of, before addressing the issue.

Oh- and we'll probably never own a television.

3 replies · active 673 weeks ago

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Tiffany · 673 weeks ago

This was such an interesting viewpoint, and the comments have been interesting as well. I like what Rightthinker said about moderation. I think that is the key! I am the one who is home with my kids all day, so I ensure that they eat healthy meals and snacks. We have friends who won't let their little boy have a piece of birthday cake when he goes to a birthday party. That, in my opinion, is not moderation! I think treats are just fine occasionally as long as the every day foods they eat are healthy.

Also - before I was a mommy I used to work at an elementary school. At lunch, the kids weren't allowed to leave and go play at recess (exercise!) until they had eaten basically everything on their tray...which was A LOT! I always thought that was so strange!

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Fran · 673 weeks ago

Just wanted to say that I noticed you took the time to respond to every single person who commented on this post. Thanks, Lori! I loved reading all of these comments and responses. They gave a full spectrum of thoughtful perspectives on this difficult and important subject matter. The biggest points I have taken away that I hope to apply to my future children are moderation and modeling healthy eating habits for your children from an early age. For me, that was where the disconnect was. Parents certainly can't be perfect, but they will be a lot more effective when they exhibit healthy relationships with food themselves.

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Holly · 673 weeks ago

This is indeed a very touchy subject for many. I started teaching my son about nutrition and healthy foods since he was a baby. He has Autism and had food-texture issues which made it a challenge to get fruits and veggies into him. I followed a lot of Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious recipes to help with this. He has now outgrown the issues and loves his fruits and veggies. He is a very active, very strong, very tall and healthy almost four year old.

As for me, I am struggling with weight issues right now. I had Anorexia in high school and actually spent a Summer in a treatment program in San Diego. That was years ago, and since the birth of my son, I have struggled with being overweight. I have tried a lot of diets and programs only to put the weight back on again. I am eating healthy and now getting a good amount of exercise in. I have lost about 16 lbs. I have done this while quitting smoking about 7 weeks ago as well. :)

2 replies · active 673 weeks ago

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Angela · 673 weeks ago

I have to chime in here that I was fat. At 14 I was 180 pounds and to this day I wish my mom would have taken me aside and kindly talked to me about it. She was slim and had an exercise routine, but just watching her didn't help me to control my own overeating. If she would have said, "Honey, I've been noticing some bad patterns in your life..."
I'm not blaming her for my struggles, but I think if I had dealt with things twenty years ago, I might not still be working though my own emotional/ self-pity overeating as an adult.

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Charity · 673 weeks ago

It is a tough area of conversation, for sure! My dad and most of his siblings didn't have enough food growing up, and have had lifelong weight struggles. At the age of 10 1/2 to 11 1/2 I began menstration, shot up 5 1/2 inches (to just a half inch under my adult height) and filled out my adult bra size - the amount of food my body needed during this time was enormous, and I heard my Dad once mention to Mom in a concerned tone that he thought I might end up like his siblings. That just tore me up, I couldn't not think about it EVERY DAY. I began disordered eating, starving myself for days, then overeating when my body couldn't take it any more fasting. In the end, by age 16 I had given myself a serious weight and edema problem. I felt bad about myself for not being able to live on raw vegetables for the rest of my life! Seriously. I began forcing myself to eat normally but always felt bad about my body. Finally, as a healthy and slim mom of two little girls at age 23 I remembered when my body image issues had begun and talked with my Dad about it. He apologized - but after all he'd never meant for me to overhear what he'd said 13 years earlier! Since that conversation I've been at peace in my body. Praise God, really! :)

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Michelle-WillingCook · 673 weeks ago

I couldn't agree with you more. I have always struggled with portion control and I see that in my almost 10 year old daughter. I try to encourage her to have self-control in eating as well as all areas of her life. I try not to focus on the "fat" image as a reason not to do so because we are all created in His image, but there is nothing wrong with preaching self-control.

Thanks!
Michelle

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Michelle-WillingCook · 673 weeks ago

Thanks for sharing at Allergy-Free Wednesdays! We hope to see you back again next week.

~Michelle, AFW Hostess

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