Sunday, April 15, 2012

Vasectomies And Tubal Ligations


Opinions on these procedures are many and varied. What I am going to write about on this topic is only my opinion. I could spend a lot of hours studying all the side effects, but I am not going to do that. I am only going to give you what I believe through common sense and knowledge of God's Word.

Both procedures stop a normal bodily function. I know many men have had vasectomies and are fine. However, it just doesn't seem healthy to me.  here does all that sperm go? It is just like the birth control pill stopping periods. 

People get "fixed" because they no longer want children. God tells us that children are gifts from God. Why would anyone want to stop their ability to receive gifts from God? As I have gotten older, I realize more and more that children are one of the greatest blessings in life. 

I have been reading through these articles written by a woman who had ten children. She and her husband decided early in life to completely allow God to plan their children. They had very little money. They believed God when He said He was their provider. Her husband has always worked hard. She stayed home full-time right after they were married.

The children are all between two and a half and three years apart using no birth control.  They were consistent in disciplining them and teaching them the ways of the Lord. No, it wasn't always easy but she realized her life was about being a living sacrifice for the Lord.  Her rewards have been amazing.

I have heard of these kind of stories over and over again. When you truly trust God, He provides abundantly for you. Mothers decide to stay home and be full time wives and mothers, then the husbands' income increases. 

I hear a lot of "but what about..." out there. Instead, you should be saying "but God..."  I am not saying you need to let God be in control of how many children you should have or you will be sinning. It is an issue that needs to be decided between you and your husband.

I am just writing this because I feel like I was lied to when I was younger. I believed the lies of society and the church. I believed we should only have x amount of children so we could give them everything they needed. 

I trust God much more now. I like Him being in control and not worrying about the future. I LOVE the blessing and gifts of children. Pray carefully before doing anything to cut off your ability to have children permanently. That is all I am asking you to do.

Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD
 and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3

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I had a Tubal ligation due to pressure from my family( we stopped at 7). I'm sometimes sad we'll never be exspecting again. A wise lady suggested I pray for contentment since I cant change what's been done and Ive been working hard at it. Sometimes I feel like ive failed God by having it done.
2 replies · active 675 weeks ago
When I was in graduate school, I worked as a social worker. Most of my clients were low-income, hard working people. Many of them were deeply religious. They prayed to God everyday and yet they were still poor. The God will provide agruement didn't work for them. They could hardly provide their families with food and shelter. For them to have more children, would have been irresponsible. Children are a wonderful blessing, but not everyone can or wants to have many of them. Vasectomies and tubal ligations have a lot less side effects than many other birth control options.
4 replies · active 673 weeks ago
Sheila Payne's avatar

Sheila Payne · 675 weeks ago

This is one I struggled a lot with when I was of child bearing age. I still don't know the answer. I had to have c sections so that was of concern. I would get pregnant pretty quickly. My grandmother had 14 children. I prayed that God would send me a baby in spite of anything I did if He wanted me to have more. He did send another baby and I later miscarried. I became more confused. I never got pregnant again.
Sheila Payne's avatar

Sheila Payne · 675 weeks ago

PS
Sweet Emma is adorable. No question on that one at all.
Touchy Subject :)
We opted for the vas. after I had my twins (#3&#4) since I had such a rough pregnancy. The doc and my hubby and I thought my body wouldn't be able to handle another pregnancy. It's been 4 years now and I know my body has completely healed from it and I would be ok now if we had more. Now our hearts are open to other options as God leads us (fostering, adoption, etc.) We don't regret that decision, but wonder what it would be like if we hadn't had it done. How many kids we'd have, etc. We're barely making it as a family of 6 on a teacher's salary since I stay home with my little ones. But I can't help but wonder what we've missed just trusting and believing how God would've taken care of us financially with a bigger family (if He had chosen that for us).
1 reply · active 674 weeks ago
Good post, I agree. My husband and I will never do anything permanently to stop our fertility, and I'm so thankful I have a husband that is as passionate about this as I am!

We don't talk a lot about our family planning decisions to others as we think it's a private issue and we know our opinions are much different than our friends and family.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with #3 and we will have 3 under 2 1/2 (as we adopted our second). After we got pregnant we had THREE Christian family/friends ask us if my husband was going to get a Vasectomy!! I could not believe what I was hearing! They were shocked to hear that we want and even pray for more blessings in our lives to come.

Even more than that has asked if we're done, if we're going to take a break and so on.

It amazes me how so many Christians search for and get what God says is evil (debt), but then they do everything to avoid what God says is a blessing (Children).
When we got married we had already made a commitment to trust the Lord with our family size. Then our first born was delivered by emergency c-section. We were told by the professionals we would have to wait at least 2 years to get pregnant again. We were very uncomfortable about taking control back from God. So we prayed and asked Him to only bless us once I was healed and able to carry another baby to term. We knew right then it would not be long. Our son was only 6 months old when we got pregnant again. That pregnancy was so much easier, and the home birth of our second born was amazing. I love that at 22 months and 7 months my sons are already firmly best friends. I'm already looking forward to more blessings, if the Lord so chooses. Since our decision to trust the Lord after our first birth my husband has had 2 promotions and 3 pay raises, at a time when nobody in the company had seen a pay raise in over 4 years.
1 reply · active 675 weeks ago
I had a tubal ligation 9 years ago. We have two children 20 months apart. My son was showing signs of autism. He was diagnosed with autism at 4 years old. My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 5. I felt pressure from my family. They would always say "you more than have your hands full". I regret that decision everyday. With God all things are possible, if it is His will we will have more children.
Very sweet way of approaching a touchy subject. God will provide, He will provide.
Lori, as always, I needed your post desperately. I found out I'm expecting my first child this past saturday. I am more excited and joyful than words can express but I am also worrying so much. People know my husband is still finishing his college and although we both work, I'm the main provider. When I firts told friends and family we were no longer doing birth control, they all freaked out. They asked me what would we do about money and child care. I told them very convincingly that I wasn't worried. I believed and trusted God would provide and a child would only be a blessing, not a burden. I feel ashamed that my prayer has been answered and I have been dreading and worrying much. And I just found out. Thank you for this post because it encourages me to remember that convinced girl trusting wholly on the Lord. Posting that Psalm on my computer screen to read all day all these days! keep the good posts coming!
2 replies · active 675 weeks ago
I have Multiple Sclerosis, and pregnancy is supposed to be a time of relief for persons with MS; but, in my case, I was the opposite. There was a period of almost 6 years that involved me being in some state of this, either pregnant and feeling as though I was at death's door, or after (which was always the worst! In one instance I was unable to use my fingers!) I had my daughter after two miscarriages. I then went on to miscarry numerous times. I got pregnant with my son immediately after a miscarriage that was particularly trying on my spirit. I didn't understand why I would have to go through all of this for nothing. I was raising my then 18 month old daughter, and my two beautiful step children who were 5 and 4, and I remember them living in my bedroom while daddy was at work.
We would read and watch cartoons, because mommy couldn't get out of the bed. Because I was so used to miscarrying, I did not see a doctor with my son until I was just at 20 weeks. I sat down and told the doctor immediately I wanted a tubal, no ifsandsorbuts. I could not be a mom while living this way. I'm 25 and will not be physically bearing any more children. My physical condition has improved greatly, I still struggle with MS but NOT on the level that I did while pregnant or after. Does this mean I will not be a mom to more children? No. My husband and I both would love to care for more, and our hearts are open to fostering and adopting. God will bring more children into our lives, and I believe HE gave doctors the ability to heal my body in this manner. In my eyes, it's just like medicine. He gave me the tool to be able to be a mother again, and a wife, to the best of my ability. I know this is not the case for other women, but it is for me.
My husband got a vasectomy after we had our daughter. We currently have a 6 year old son and an almost 3 year old daughter. I read this post knowing what it would say. I read through all of the comments knowing what most of them would say. I am very proud that you guys feel so strongly about the faith you've put in God's plan.

I don't at all regret the decision we made. We still enjoy a healthy sex life, enjoy our two immensely, and don't plan on having any more of our own. If we decide we want to have more, we would be more than open to adoption, although the vasectomy is mostly likely reversible (they are meant to be).

I don't begrudge any of you the decision you have made just as I hope you do not begrudge me ours. It was a mutual decision between my husband and me. It was the one that we felt we should make. We have no guilt or hesitation about it. I don't feel like I am thwarting God either, as I know he can easily overcome that vasectomy any time He wants (happens all the time).
I will be giving birth to my second hopefully at the end of this month, april. Yet we have decided as a couple for me to have my tubes tied. It isn't a very easy choice to decide. Yet, I do trust in God everyday and I feel that this little one is as much a blessing as all 5 of my pregnancies. Yes, I had 3 miscarriages of which 2 were emergency scenerios. Non of those miscarriages can be forgotten, but looking back in retrospect I see that God has always been in control. They were not the best times, pretty stressful, and in a way I was not prepared. Having been in the hospital it gave me a sense of enlightenment, that even in the darkest times you are not alone. My husband and I were going to have studies done to see what was going on with these miscarriages, but then last summer we were traveling through central Mexico, visiting Holy Places special to our families.
In one, La Virgen de San Juan de Los Lagos, there is a room where people leave letters, and messages, items, pleas, and gratitude for miracles. I didn't have much but a medalion of a Saint. I attached a small letter to have my 3 lost babies in Mary's arms and in hope that I would see them when the time would come, and to let be of us to have at least one more child, but if not then we would adopt. It so happened that in August I realized I was pregnant. The first months and here and there were difficult and not very easy nor fun, but I was glad to have those symptoms. Then I passed the 1st trimester, then the 2nd trimester and everytime we have gone to the doctor she has grown, and grown. Now it's just time to wait for that day. Yet inspite of all the joy, we must make a decision; not because I don't want to have more babies, but because of health. And I will take everyday to raise these two beautiful girlies to love God just the same as I do; and yes I ask God to forgive us for deciding this, but if we want more we can always adopt, sponsor, and help others that need guidance. I pray that things go well for everyone and love, love, love even the kids from the neighborhood.
Completely agree! We bought into the lie, having the number of children we thought we could afford, instead of trusting in God's provision. And thought we were being responsible by my husband having a vasectomy. I regret it every day. It can't be undone, so I pray for contentment in this area. If I could go back I would.
3 replies · active 674 weeks ago
I am so on board with you on this, and feel the same way. I'm glad you wrote this, thank you.
I had a tubal ligation with our 4th child. There were several reasons. First, our 3rd baby was delivered by c-section, because she was in the transverse position..our hospital here had a VBAC ban, so it appeared that I would always have to have c-sections. I was scared by that, and didn't have the knowledge of any alternatives for birth at that time. We had a lot of negative comments about our closely spaced children-interestingly, all from "Christians".

Unfortunately, once I had the ligation, I suffered from horrible post tubal ligation syndrome (PTLS). Even before I realized I regretted my decision (and it was MY decision..I did not pray about it, or listen to my husband, because after all, the feminist movement ingrains in us that it is "our body our choice". I had flooding periods, several migraines per month, and a host of other problems. After my OB and then my DO and my naturopath all told me it was likely from the TL since I was only in my late 20's and very healthy until then, we began to pray...

We saved the funds, and went to the best tubal ligation reversal doctor in the country, at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center. I was pregnant the following month. He will be 3 the beginning of June, and was a great VBA2C. I found an OB and Catholic hospital an hour away in another state that "allows" VBAC's. He was followed 15 months later by Oliver in a homebirth and now I am 30 weeks pregnant with our 7th child, and we are planning another homebirth. We experienced a difficult later miscarriage last Spring, and yet, it is still God's good work!

Interesting that the ONLY blessing Christians tell God "no thank you" to, is that of children. In the Bible, children are ALWAYS blessings, never curses. We never say no thank you to health..to wealth..to any other blessing God bestows..but children, alas, children take sacrifice.

In our world, even most of the Christian world, children are only blessings if they are perfectly planned, perfectly spaced and college funded. I love the chapter in the Voddie Bachum book, "What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter" that talks about the need for a future husband to desire children..definitely something difficult in our anti-children, pro-self culture.

It takes a great surrender, and one that is continual..realizing we are not living for self...I wouldn't have it any other way. I will raise whatever children God brings into our lives, on the promise that they are truly blessings from God Himself.

I don't begrudge others for choosing to limit their family size..it's between them and God. Though, I do think that being permanently sterilized has grave physical and emotional consequences, and using abortifacient birth control is a serious error handed down with pleasure from Margaret Sanger, the child and family hater herself.

We ought to take these things to the Lord..
Great post! Thanks for sharing.

Adoption is a great thing for families who have taken medical means to stop having children and then regretted it. So many children out there to be reached!

We have six children here and three in Heaven and open arms to all of the children that God chooses to send our way:) We believe that children are a blessing more with each child and each loss.
My mother had a hysterectomy after three children for medical reasons. She always morned not having more children and that greatly influenced my decision to have a large family:)
Thought provoking post. I believe when to have children, the spacing, and the amount are definitely a decision to be made through prayer. And it is definitely between the husband, wife, and God....no one else.

Lori, do you believe there are ever any circumstances where it is okay to stop having children? Such as the health of the mother? Just curious what your thoughts are on that.
3 replies · active 675 weeks ago
My Husband and I have one child who is almost four. I had 5 miscarriages prior to my son spanning a five year period. My son is a special needs child. I do not have my tubes tied or anything of that nature, but I am on birth control until my Husband and I both feel we are ready for another child. It was a mutual decision that we prayed about together before.
1 reply · active 675 weeks ago
Lori, Thank you for posting (yet again) a controversial topic with tact and grace. I do have a scripture that my husband found recently that casts a slightly different light on the subject. Gen 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will GREATLY MULTIPLY thy sorrow and THY CONCEPTION; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (emphasis mine). What we are to do with this, I guess it is up to the individual couples to do as the Lord leads them.
My husband had a vasectomy because pregnancy was really hard on my body (I was extremely sick the ENTIRE time, my body ached so much I could barely even walk, because I have joint problems, and I suffered from a host of other things that aren't very common, such as carpal tunnel in both arms, hives, etc and both babies were very difficult labors and had to be delivered via c-section and each additional pregnancy is a greater risk of rupture because of medical issues), but none of that compared to the emotional toll that pregnancy took on me. For FIVE years (through both pregnancies and postpartam), I suffered SEVERE depression and anxiety/panic attacks...I have always suffered through these problems, but pregnancy and postpartum multiplied them. This fall was the worst it has ever been, and I was just going through the motions, barely functioning enough to take care of my 2 precious boys.

It breaks my heart to see babies, and to see my friends announce their pregnancies, because I wanted desperately to have at least 1, or even 2 more children. And, I know that there will be people to criticize and claim that we have a lack of faith, but unless you have been to the depths of depression and panic attacks to the point where you nearly can't leave your house and can barely even take care of your family, you can't understand.

This is why my husband and I prayerfully made the decision we made, even though it broke my heart. And, as others have mentioned, if God really wanted us to have another child, then we will in spite of this measure.

I'm not trying to argue with you, because I completely understand where you are coming from, and I know that there will continue to be people who choose to place judgments on our choices, that is a fact of life. But I believe that God sees our hearts and circumstances as well and that is truly all that matters.
1 reply · active 675 weeks ago

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