Thursday, March 17, 2016

Being Discreet in Our Crass Culture


Godly women are commanded to be discreet. Our society does not promote this in women in any way. It promotes the opposite. In fact, college does the opposite of promoting being discreet in women. It teaches them to be loud, independent and like men since they teach that both sexes are equal in every way and women can do everything men can do. 

Some Christian women have also told me they regret ever going to college since all they learned in college made it harder for them to be content raising children at home, whereas those women who didn't go to college, seemed much more content in their role as wives and mothers. Why women don't want to be content being a woman in the roles God has designed for them and instead want to be a man, I will never understand.

Katie from my post Women Are to Be Discreet had some great words about her Grandmother and how she taught her many things about being discreet. Few women today have a role model of someone who is discreet in their life. Hollywood shows women who are not discreet in the way they dress, what they say, and the way they act. Here is Katie's description:

Honestly, I prefer to not even dress in front of my husband or have him watch me get ready. I've never gone to the bathroom in front of him. I try and dress feminine and fix my hair a little before he comes home. I also make sure our little girl has clean clothes on and a clean face. My husband works so hard and he has said he appreciates coming home to clean and cheerful ladies! :) 

My grandmother actually gave me those tips when I got married. She stayed home, always looked put together, and made wonderful meals in a clean house. She was always private about personal things and taught me, my sisters and cousins to be discreet, too. When we visited, she encouraged us to get dressed and have our hair fixed before coming to the breakfast table where everyone was seated (no pajamas allowed!) and we had to have very good manners at the table. The girls waited on the boys and I honestly enjoyed that. There was a sense of order and respect and it was still a happy and loving environment. 

She took the girls shopping and then to a lady's only salon to get our haircut and fixed and grandpa took the boys separately to the barber shop. Sometimes she'd let us look at her dressing table with her lotions and perfumes and jewelry; that was the best! She had the prettiest old-fashioned claw foot bathtub and would fill it with bubbles for us when we were little. She was very feminine and pretty and we admired her. 

My grandpa and everyone else just loved her. She was very faithful to the Lord and involved with church. I loved listening to her read the Bible to us and encouraging us to love and serve others. Some of my happiest memories were the summers we spent with them! I learned a lot from her example. It's a good reminder to teach my daughter these things too while she is still young. 

 I forgot to mention that sitting at the breakfast table, she'd teach us to watch our grandfather and the boys to anticipate if they needed anything. She taught us to sit like ladies even while we were still little girls and it always stuck with me. I played softball in high-school and would sit in the dugout with my legs crossed! She never went into town without a little pink lipstick on. She also saved her old purses and high heels and we'd get to play dress up with them. I guess it just meant a lot to me because my mother worked out of the home six days a week, so I appreciated my grandmother's example. 

Now, most men enjoy watching their wives getting dressed and especially undressed, so this one I would suggest you ask your husband about! All of the rest are wonderful examples for us to follow and especially teach our daughters while they are young. We live in a crass culture where everyone is doing what they think is right in their own eyes. God wants women to be discreet and chaste in all that they do. We should love being different than men and enjoy our role as wives and mothers, since this is how our Creator created us.

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a 
beautiful woman without discretion.
Proverbs 11:22

Comments (78)

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Some would take offense about the comments of serving the men/boys. What they are not seeing is how hard men work to take care of us. Even if he has an office job he has to continually prove himself to succeed in his work. He has to deal with a sometimes irate public also. Men serve us but in different ways. When the stresses of his life cause him illness and maybe death it means he worked hard to lay down his life for his woman/family.
8 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Lovely post.
Fantastic post! I really enjoyed this one today. I've always been fascinated by how the women of yesteryear lived their lives, compared to the modern women nowadays.
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
Wonderful post. She was so lucky to have the beautiful example of her grandmother. I especially agree with the last paragraph. ;)
2 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Excellent post ! I am not one for going to college at all for a woman. However, I struggle when Missionaries come to our church and push women in going to Bible college to go to the Mission field. I would think that even though Bible College is a good thing, that women are still called to be a help mate to their husband on the Mission field but not right in there as a secretary or something.

This again confuses our girls on what is right or wrong.

Am I wrong in thinking girls shouldn't even attend Bible College, just for a one year Bible Coarse.
6 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Lorie, the post mentions the crude behaviors encouraged in colleges. We have 4 children and currently I am homeschooling all of them. Soon my oldest will be in high school we plan to send her to a small Christian college. However, I am concerned about the high cost of tuition and then we hope for her and the other kids to attend Christian colleges, which are also very expensive. I know many ladies who acquired high debt from Christian colleges and are wives and mothers having to work to help pay off student loans. What are your thoughts or advise? I appreciate so much your wisdom and experience.
3 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing this. It made my day! I was just thinking of my grandmother this morning as she was Irish. We don't celebrate the holiday, but seeing others do reminds me her. Her parents immigrated from Ireland before she was born. They didn't have much, and she told us stories of how she helped make "newspaper windows" in their home as a girl and how they had to be resourceful. She did not, however, have the Irish temper :) She spoke gently and kindly and taught us to do the same. She stayed busy in her home and was a blessing to everyone.

I know many would take offense to some things she taught. For instance, serving the men at the table. That was a choice she made as it was just another way to love and minister to my grandfather. He and the boys worked very hard, so it was another way to simply love and support them. We would monitor how fast/slow they were eating to see if they needed second helpings or refills on their drinks. She would nod and signal us girls quietly across the table when it was time to serve dessert. They had a huge garden, with sweet corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc. along with an apple orchard and a sweet corn patch. We all loved her cooking! To this day, we are still not able to replicate her apple pie squares, mashed potatoes or Irish soda bread exactly, although I have some of the recipes and still like to make them. And my Grandpa was always thankful to her as she was to him. They loved each other and held hands and smiled often, even in their old age. I never heard them fought. The house was always a happy, loving environment where we worked hard, and yet it made the hours of play and spending time with them that much sweeter. There was a lot of love to go around! And I enjoyed being dressed and presentable at the breakfast table. My mother wasn't home the majority of the time to encourage and teach things like that, so it was nice to have structure and boundaries. Maybe it sounds strict to some, but it's what we needed.

She was very giving and always helping others. She would buy us outfits (which were a blessing) and they were always modest and of good quality. She knew how to shop deals and still get high-quality items. I loved shopping with her. She took care of everything she had and made it last. One day she called us into the "sitting room" as she called it, and showed us how to sit and stand in dresses and skirts and how to have good posture, etc. I know many women would scoff at that, but they are precious memories to me. She laughed and made it enjoyable. She taught me how to sew a button, fold a fitted sheet. clean a window just right and many other things I still do to this day. But the biggest lesson was her love for God. She prayed often and taught us to do the same. She enjoyed playing games with her grandchildren and spending time with them and we had so much fun with her! Everyone loved her and her smile.

I can still remember looking up and hearing her beautiful voice singing hymns in church, with her standing there in her favorite light blue dress and pearls, heels and hat. I can still smell her perfume and picture the shade of her lipstick. I can still taste her cooking and I can still see her love for my Grandpa in her eyes as she looked at him. The last time we saw her before she passed away, she told us how excited she was to be meeting her Lord and Savior soon and getting to see Grandpa again. To not be sad, but rejoice in Him. And up until the day she died, she still took care of her appearance. She still had her hair reasonably fixed with a little makeup and perfume on. No, she didn't have to do this, but she wanted to. The nurses loved her. She enjoyed being feminine. When I married my husband, she and grandpa gave us a beautiful cedar chest with floral engravings on it. It's beautiful, just like Grandma. I keep family keepsakes in it along with the wedding card and letter she wrote encouraging me to love God and my family. I miss her dearly. But I'll always be thankful to God for her example of love and service to others. I know she would approve of your teachings on love and homemaking. It's one reason I love learning here, because so many of the posts remind me of her in one way or another.

Thanks again for posting this, it means so much to me!
8 replies · active 471 weeks ago
College, not all, is a life changing environment. I know it changed my son, now a atheist.
Guard your hearts.
4 replies · active 471 weeks ago
I don't agree 100% with this article, but most of it. My husband will hardly let me lift a finger when he's home, and despises chauvinism toward wives (not that I mean it's chauvinistic to be served by your wife, but his father is an extreme case of a chauvinistic authority and hates how his mother is treated.) We don't raise our daughters to serve their brothers as their authority, but we do teach that biblical submission from the wife towards her husband. And he's definitely not "proper" about personal hygiene or dressing privacy. I find it so inspirational and draws me to a desire to be more feminine. One of my greatest pet peeves is loud mouthed bossy females that look grungy, pajama clad, or maybe wearing their husband's clothes.
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
What a beautiful example of a godly woman, Katie. My grandmother died when I was a baby but from the stories I've heard she sounds a lot like what you wrote about your grandmother. You're certainly lucky to have had such a great example in your life.
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
I'm just stunned at this post. Having an education is valuable for everyone. God does not want anyone to be ignorant. I attended state colleges for a Bachelor's and Master's degree and never experienced anything mentioned in this post. I was very much a lady and was content to be home with my children when they were small. My friend is currently at home raising 3 small children, and she has a double major in Math and Physics.
As a teacher, I can't believe you would not support someone getting an education.
An education is not about feminism. It's about being an intelligent person.
9 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Loved the post. But I'm glad you mentioned avoiding dressing in front of your husband. I'd hate to think she is doing that when her husband would prefer the opposite. My husband would hate it. But alas, everyone's husband is different.

I don think it is wrong for the girls to serve their brothers. It's not an authority issue. It is teaching their girls to care for their brothers, respect them for who they are and love them. And in turn it teaches the boys to care for their sisters, protect them and serve them. It's hard to fight with someone who constantly displays acts of kindness toward you. It is designed to help create unity among siblings. Better than having them spew hateful things across the table at one another!
Great and sobering post Lori
5 replies · active 471 weeks ago
We lived in a home, where we were taught to serve each other. No differing between siblings. My husband came from a home in which he was waited on hand and foot by his mother. I watch my son in laws and they are much more comfortable in the kitchen then my husband is. I'm not sure his mother did my husband a great service. He works hard and therefore I do enjoy making sure his life at home is comfortable.
3 replies · active 471 weeks ago
Becky Groff's avatar

Becky Groff · 471 weeks ago

When my 2 sons and 1 daughter were young- I taught the boys to treat their sister like a lady-(open doors for her, etc.) She in turn served them in small ways. It wasn't a huge thing, just incorporated it into daily life teaching them all to be servants. My daughter also went to Bible College for 2 years, she thrived. She got her AA in teaching and met her husband there. She now uses it to homeschool her children. Everyones situation is different. My 2nd son went to same Bible College and it was a disaster. You know your child and where their heart is at and God gives wisdom freely when asked and if we listen. Thanks Lori
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
Loved this post! I chuckled a little when you commented on her saying she rarely changes in front of her husband. My husband would be so let down if I stopped changing in front of him! 😉 I sometimes struggle changing in front of him because I'm insecure about my post 4 baby's body, but he actually asks me if I wouldnt shut the bathroom door when I dress and undress and goes on and on how he thinks my body is perfect and enjoys it. So I agree not all men want that. Loved thus post though!
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
I'm a nurse and I went to a technical college to get my associate degree of nursing. With that education, I sat for my boards and became an RN. It is $12,000 for this degree without grants, scholarships, financial aid, etc. Altogether, I think I paid around $7000. My husband and I have one child and she will be our only. I had a stroke during her pregnancy and it is severely unsafe to pursue pregnancy again, although we are praying fervently about adoption.
I say all that because my education is so important in MY family. I work one day a week, while my daughter gets to hang out with her sweet cousins or grandparents who both share our Christian values. It lets me keep up my license and also bring in some income (I know the Bible doesn't require women to be the provider, but it also doesn't say we can't bring in some money). My daughter will attend a Christian school this coming fall (she is 5 years old) because I do not feel led to homeschool. I am in no debt from my degree because I started right out of high school and finished before we got married at 20.
I think it's so important to be careful about being black and white with our statements. Education for ME is necessary and helpful and in no way do I feel like I am doing anything wrong having this degree and working one day a week. Every situation is so different and it is difficult to tell women not to have an education when a person like me, can't have any more kids, and being an RN is so rewarding....for ME. I am still a keeper at home, loving and taking care of my husband and child, cooking, cleaning, and being able to serve in my church.
1 reply · active 336 weeks ago
These comments remind me of a conversation I had with my fiancé recently when I inquired about how we are going to raise girls (when the time comes) without them feeling like we are "holding them back" by dissuading them from going to college. I should start by shedding some light onto our relationship. We are engaged to be married on 3/25/16, and we currently run our relationship in as much of proper roles as we can, (without sex of course) with him being the decision maker and my submission in all things to his leadership. We've decided to homeschool because the Lord is leading us to do so, and we share some not-so-nice experiences with traditional school systems, as neither of us were homeschooled. We thoroughly discuss all things and the topic of raising godly children has been a frequent one lately. Anyway, now I'll get to the point, that my wise so-to-be husband shared with me. He said, "Any future daughters of ours will anticipate enjoying a stay-at-home mom kind of lifestyle to the degree you reflect that you enjoy it, and even moreso, by how our marriage will thrive in our proper roles, as God designed it to." It really got me to thinking that, it's really a lack of contentment that drives us to think the grass is greener on the other side. How glorifying is it to God when people witness a marriage truly modeled after Christ and the church to the extent that both husband and wife are at peace, joy-filled, feeling fulfilled, and full of energy to minister unto others because their home (house/family) is in proper order? People are drawn to what they perceive as creating happiness. People want to be happy. If we can draw others (especially our children) to us by reflecting how good it is (and content and happy we are) in our proper roles, that would certainly be a testimony and reflect godliness. Our children will see how proper roles really work, and how they make us joyful deep down, and they'll hopefully naturally be dissuaded from the things of the world. True, some readers may say, "Well just wait until you have kids, young wife, you're in for a world of surprise!" But I'm exercising my faith that our future children will see the joy, order, peace and contentment of a biblically modeled marriage, and be won-over to desire the same for themselves as they mature into adulthood. After all, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
1 reply · active 471 weeks ago
Please avoid added extra rules for Christian women! Teach them to follow Christ and love him. There are female Christian lawyers, policewomen, teachers, doctors, nurser -married and un married alike- wow-whoa is the person who adds to the law! Love thy neighbor as thyself!
3 replies · active 471 weeks ago
The Lord designed us to become one flesh with our spouse. To hide your body and refuse to change infront of them is not discreet. It's sin. Descretion if for the rest of the world, not your spouse.

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