Wednesday, March 30, 2016

My "Hatred" for Working Mothers?


Recently, I have had fun creating flow charts to show the consequences of our choices. Since I don't have a lot of room, I create a general consequence to each choice. Of course, it can't encapsulate every consequence for every choice of every person but they are created more to give pause to women for the choices they make and hopefully cause them to think that they may be on the wrong track biblically. 

Last week, I posted a flow chart on two different paths that mothers can make; a career path working outside of the home or a home path working inside of the home. Here is my chart:


Now when I posted this, I knew I would get angry women since I usually do whenever I write about women being keepers at home. Women have even accused me of having hatred for working mothers. No, I don't have hatred for working mothers. I wouldn't be trying so hard to reason with them to come home full-time if I hated them. I would be spewing curse words at them and condemning them if I hated them. {This flow chart has become my most "liked" and most shared thing I have ever posted on my Facebook page! I am sure many have shared it in order to mock it.}

I write about being mothers being keepers at home since this is what the Lord has commanded that I do and I know the best place for mothers who have children to be is in the home with their children. That's it. I have no ulterior motive. I am not their judge. Yes, it offends working women but they must ask themselves why God's Word offends them. Can it be that they feel some guilt? Of course they do. Every working mother I have ever talked to or heard interviewed on the television has guilt over leaving their children with others, plus their husbands, who they are supposed to be help meets to, are usually last on the totem pole of their time.

Whatever choice any mother makes is between her husband, herself, and the Lord. They need to prayerfully study the Word and pray while asking the Lord for wisdom for it is Him who they will have to give an account for the choices they make in this life. They don't have to answer to me, but I do have to answer for how I have lived my life and if God commands older women to teach younger women to be keepers at home, this is what I will do. If I hated working mothers, I sure wouldn't try so hard to get them to understand God's will for their life since it's not easy dealing with the many younger feminist women who hate this teaching the Lord has given older women to teach them. The main reason I do this is for the children; if you asked them, they would say they want their mother home full-time with them. Someone has to speak up for the children and it might as well be me.

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5

***For you who would love to come home full-time, here are two of my most popular posts dealing with living within your husband's income, even if he doesn't make much:
50 Ways We Paid Off Our Home with One Income
Stretching Her Husband's Hard-Earned Income

Comments (49)

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Yes! Bravo!
I absolutely love this flow chart. I can actually see it from both sides because as of right now I am a working mother. All of the things listed under working mother are spot on in my life. But on a brighter side my husband has given me the opportunity to leave my job to come home to our child ( and 1 on the way) to raise them and be a keeper of the home. I have exactly 2 weeks of work left at my job and cannot wait to have the joy and fulfillment of being at home! God is so good and faithful, and I am beyond blessed to be able to finally be home doing what my heart wants to do and glorify the Lord! Thanks for sharing Lori. I always find so much encouragement from your posts! God bless
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
You have touched a Hot Button and I admire for it! Listening to God is most important!
I totally agree with you, which means, I believe in the Truth of what God says.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I very much agree with this flow chart. It is spot on and I have been in both sides of the chart! I think many women probably feel a little convicted and God tugging at their heart a bit, and maybe it's uncomfortable to them, so immediately they get defensive and bring up extreme cases/exceptions to justify whatever choice it is that they're making, I've been there and done that, sadly. Much like how a child dislikes and defies discipline, adults are often the same way when God disciplines us, even though it's for our best. We get comfortable doing things our way and sometimes think we know better than God Himself. But when we put our faith and trust in Him, amazing things happen! If we acknowledge Him in all we do, He does make our paths straight :) Now I see the benefits my family and I are reaping since I'm at home, and they're priceless!
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
BlessedWife's avatar

BlessedWife · 469 weeks ago

Love this! I got married in my 30's so I have worked in a few different places (in a couple different states) before getting married. While engaged my husband told me he would like me to quit my job a few weeks before the wedding because of how sinful the environment was. It was only a call center but it was filled with such immorality (many men and women that would approach each other for sex). Upon hearing that I had been approached by a couple of men (for the above reason) he said "That's it! I would like you to leave. Today is your last day." I haven't worked outside of the home since. There is so much that needs to be done at home. And it's so very hard to guard (which is one meaning for the word "keep") our homes if we aren't there. It's kind of like finding the perfect dog to guard a prized possession but then not allowing her to be around that possession. It's just goofy.
Lori, from reading many of the comments you allow in your comment section I can see how many women are greatly blessed by your words of encouragement as well as a gentle reprimand when there is a need. There will always be those who disagree and that's ok....at the end they will be answering His questions of why they didn't do as He asked when it came to their calling as a wife and mother. It's so encouraging to see an older woman doing what the Lord has instructed by teaching the younger women what type of wife and mom they need to be and how to be equipped to do so effectively. Thank you for all you do Lori!
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I am not angry with this post, but believe the flow sheet is inaccurate. A Christian mother, who, with her spouse, chooses to have a career, simply does not need to put her family second to the career. I say simply because it really is simple, it just takes a little organization. We not only rarely eat fast food, but for a fact, eat less food than 3 of our friends who are stay at home mothers. I'd say the typical family purchases food from the grocery store for days. I find that some people, though, don't plan. Usually on my lunch hour on Thursdays I plan for Friday through Thursday meals, understanding that plans may change, but this allows us to plan good food and timely food. If it's piano lesson day, a crock pot meal is usually on the agenda. If you plan well, then play time, family time, meals, spouse, God, bible study and all the other parts important to you are first over career. Then your career can't make everything else second. (I even keep a list of go-to meals and lengths in the front of my cookbook.)

My children went to a Christian Learning Academy from 3-5 years before school where they learn to interact with other children in addition to what we were doing in the home. True, some stay at home mothers have an hour and a half more time with their children than I do. (My children are in school now.) But consider this... My husband and I have heard lately that "home school" is sort of changing to "homes school." Home schooling mothers create a network of moms who teach to a small group of children the areas they are strongest in. So I might teach Math and another mother teaches English. Is this wrong? To some maybe not, but to some maybe they want to be the only teacher for their child, which I would never want to say is wrong, because as you said, everyone is different. My daughter, who is very shy, loves school. She wants to be a teacher some day. Of course, when I ask her if she wants to stay at home with Mommy, she'll say yes. But when I tell her about not going to school she will seem conflicted. She loves passing papers out to her class mates and "playing teacher." She loves being line leader. She loves many things that her Academy offers that I can't because I would only have a classroom of two.

Also, I believe to teach children to be clean adults and learn the importance of taking care of their property means they should also clean around the home now, and that it's not the sole responsibility of the mother (although of course we do most of it). We have 15 minutes clean up every night as a family, and it seems to work well and we all work together. We stop right when the 15 minutes is up but it usually doesn't go the full length of time.

I believe everything is a choice. You can chose to walk in faith, you can chose to turn away. You can chose to put your family first or to let the stress of life get in the way. And even in the most high level, stressful job, I believe the mother who is organized, plans, and puts family first can be success at home and still make time for her children and spouse.
8 replies · active 468 weeks ago
I so appreciate you and all you do. I am a working mother, I teach in a very small rural school. My husband and daughter have chronic health conditions (I have also been having health issues for the past year). My husband is self employed and works so very hard. Because he is self employed, insurance is cost prohibited for us, so I teach.

I do feel the stress of not having a clean house, etc..., but we are working on it all together, thankfully.

Thank you so much for taking time to spread the word. Even though I am not able to be at home, I still feel like I learn much from you and I know that, for now, I need to do this to help my husband and family.

Luckily I have one of those wonderful husbands who appreciates and loves his family.
2 replies · active 469 weeks ago
I completely agree with you Lori! :) I am at a loss, though, as of what to say when people talk to me of single mothers, or wives of men who won't work/support the family?
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I have to say that I appreciate you holding to the truth and an area that most people shy away from. Even many bloggers who stay at home and teach their own children do not say a lot about it. I have been on both sides of the coin. When my husband's business went under a few years ago, I was forced to go back to work. I did this only after we had sold everything we could and he was worked two jobs to get us back on our feet financially. Although I looked like I had it all together from the outside, things were very hard on the inside. I remember waking up in the middle of the night with one of my children who became ill and being upset with that child because it meant that I had to call into work the next day and I was worried about my job.

Nothing got 100% for me during those two years – not my husband, not my kids, not my house, and certainly not the Lord. I still I'm not sure that we made the right decision to this day. I see repercussions that I cannot go back and undo. I never raised my voice before and I started doing it during that time :( There were also things that my kids saw and heard during those years that I can never get back. God is good and I now cherish every day att home.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I'm with you LinB. The chart is inaccurate. Although I was home before my children started school, they are teens now, so I am working outside the home. I teach at their school. My house is not messy. Our meals are not microwaved or fast food. I am no more tired when I come home than I was at the end of a day when I was home, nor am I too tired for intimacy with my husband. Yea, grocery shopping may have to get done on Saturday, but that only takes about an hour or an hour and a half. We have the rest of the day as a family and Sunday afternoon as well.
I take issue with the assumption that we all have dirty houses, eat junk, and are constantly irritable and tired. All it takes is organization and everyone working together. There is no problem with teenagers cleaning the house so they learn how to care for a home. Even a boy needs to know how to clean in case he lives on his own before he is married. My husband has a flexible schedule as a pastor, so he is often home earlier than most men. He likes cooking and will often help me with dinner as a way to spend time together.
This chart is no more accurate than saying at home moms sit around watching soap operas all day. There are at home moms who are exhausted at the end of the day as well.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
As a working mother I feel so fulfilled to be able to provide for my family. I am able to be an example to them while their father is not. I come home every day SO happy to see them abd they are ELATED to see me walk through the door. I have 4 hours left when I get home for them to spend time with me until they go to bed. We have a home cooked meal, we read, we play, we do school related things. We also are able to go places and do things and have friends to visit. We do everything that I would do if I stayed home, we just do it at a different time. I do not know many mothers who make it through without being tired. Parenthood whether you stay at home or work is tiring. I bring my kids to do our shopping, they help me clean the house. We go to church every Sunday and we are a happy family and they are happy kids in general.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
Lori – many women have jobs and not careers and there is a huge differences in this (a woman at the local supermarket does not have a career, she has a job that pays that bills, that is the story of most working women). I know what the bible says about young women and certainly in Australia we have many young women with children working part-time hours so they can spent time with their children and home but also help their husbands financially. This is the best option if a woman does need to work.

Wouldn’t it be great if it was easy for all women to be at home with their young children and it is the best situation when one has young children, but sadly that isn’t the case for many even if they want to. One needs to trust in the Lord and He will provide — and even though I work, He has provided in the most amazing ways i.e. a job that suits my family and doesn’t tick those boxes on your flowchart (no microwave meals in my house). The Lord has a different story for me than you and we need to understand and respect that. Let’s have compassion for all women and offer encouragement and prayers whether they work or not. Let’s be encouragers and loving to all women and try to understand their story a little more. I have no regrets about working because if I did, I would be questioning God’s decision, instead I am joyful for being about to get up in the morning and serving Him in any way I can. I trust Him and my life is in His hands and at the moment that means working outside the home. When He wants me to change, I will do so.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
Hi. I am a SAHM who has 5 children aged 4-16. I home school my children and believe that God has called me to be a keeper of my home. Although I believe that the best place for a woman to spend her time is at home devoting her time to her family, I also feel that your chart is a little too optimistic about the life a SAHM leads. If you have older children you don't get to have naps during the day. Because I have a large family who occupy the house all day long there is always something needing to be done in the house and at the end of the day I may or not feel too tired for intimacy (not that I would withhold that from my husband). Just pointing out that staying at home is also hard work but I'm glad 100% of my time is being concentrated on my family.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I agree with you and I am a working mother. My life is exactly like that. I have a husband, children, parents and even a grandparent that I feel guilty for not being able to do more for them because of the full time job. I have prayed and pleaded over and over and over with my husband, to stay home and home school. He works full time too, but his small company does not offer insurance, and he does not want to leave his steady job he loves to try and find one that does. My husband says we can not afford for me to stay home as my work covers the insurance, 401k, etc.
So I work full time, and we spend quite a bit to send my twins to a private Christian school.
I am trying to please God and my husband. I know i need to please God first.. Please pray for us. Pray that God will reveal His plan to us both, and give us both the confidence to take a leap of faith. I know you don't hate anyone and I love that you take a biblical stand. God bless you for doing what is right, even when difficult. Please pray for us that we can too.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I really love the way you respond to your critics, Lori, it is so inspiring. Your flow chart is correct, even if women don't want to admit it. Just a couple of years ago, I think Huffington Post (of all places) featured an article about how the majority of working women have REGULAR emotional and psychological breakdowns. These were described as crying spells, depression, intense feelings that they were failing at both their jobs and mothering, barely getting enough time to see their children.

My own mom lived like this (we didn't see the meltdowns thankfully), and she warned me about it, and wanted me to pick a job that at least had an option of being part time so that my job wouldn't "get the best of me," and my children "the rest of me." That's really how it ends up, even if no one wants to admit it.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
I have been both a working mum and a stay-at-home-mum. I found both roles fulfilling for different reasons, but being at home is by far harder. It's more enjoyable, but it's harder. I've been a stay-at-home-mum for 5 years now, and I hope I never have to go back to work, but I accept the possibility that one day I may have to, as our children get more expensive as they get older, food prices go up, electricity prices go up, but wages don't.

Realistically, here in New Zealand, it is virtually impossible to survive on one income. In the cities - which is where the jobs are - we have a housing crisis, and rent is around $450 a week for the cheapest house. A man working full-time in a minimum-wage job is only making around $650 a week, which doesn't leave much for food, power, petrol, clothing, medical bills, everything a family needs besides a roof over their heads.

I agree that the Bible says a woman should be at home with her children. But sometimes, it is impossible. I guess all we can do is pray that the Lord will make it possible for us to be at home with our children.
1 reply · active 469 weeks ago
Hi Lori! I just wanted to stop and say that I am very thankful that we still have women like you around :) I am a 20 year old young lady, and I am so very encouraged by posts such as this one. I was not raised in a Christian home. My parents were already born again, but their marriage had deteriated and they had stopped living for the Lord. My mother worked and we attended public school. I suffered horrible anxiety as a child (because of our very unstable lifestyle) and was put on Prozac around 8 years old. When I was 15, my dad decided to get back in church and after an almost 2 year struggle, I was finally born again as a 16 year old girl!! The Prozac went in the garbage! Almost immediately, the Lord put a very Godly woman in my life whom I call "Mamaw" and she has so been my "Titus 2" teacher for the past 4-5 years. I do NOT agree with the beliefs of my generation, and I believe that it is God's will for women to be keepers at home. I still live at home with my parents, but I am very glad that the Lord has allowed me to put this in practice even now! Before I got saved I had plans to go to med school and become a Pediatric Neurosurgeon (that seems like a big joke to me now!). After I got saved, that plan went right out the window, but I still thought I had to go to college, and I planned to go to a Christian college and become a teacher. Thankfully, the Lord held me back with Romans 13:8 (student loans) and He never allowed my plans to work. Praise the Lord!! Even though I faced strong discouragement from my family members, I finally decided that I was not going to college, and that I wanted to be a wife and mother. I did have to work for 14 months at my parents desire, but I am finally home practicing homemaking, learning how to keep and make a home and I love it! I know the Lord is coming very soon, but I have asked Him that if I have any time left on this earth to please allow me to have a Godly, Holy-Ghost filled husband, and a family that will turn the world upside down for Jesus!! Please do not ever stop writing on these topics. The world is constantly screaming at my generation to turn away from the things of God, and women like you and my mamaw are such an encouragement for me! It doesn't really matter what those women say. If they are married and have children God has already said they are to be keepers AT home. My own sister tried to tell me that that just means they have to clean their house, but if that were true it would say keepers OF the home instead of at. No matter if they think they are getting by or not, they are in disobedience to God's Word! Keep shining for Jesus, Lori!!
Thank you for writing this! I agree with this completely, but my husband sees no issue with me working. As it stands now, we would not be able to afford for me to come home since we owe so much in student loans. He's a teacher, and has no desire to work a summer job or try to become a principal to increase his income. I'm a tax accountant, and work six days a week for a quarter of the year. I've also been working really hard in an MLM business (with his half-hearted support) so that by the time we have children, I can replace my day job income and come home. I am frustrated because it seems like we are not a partnership in this. Am I in the wrong? I am willing to be rebuked if I am wrong.
2 replies · active 463 weeks ago
Here is the question: what if the mother is a single parent and needs to support the kids or that the family lives in a high cost area (NYC for example) where BOTH parents have to work. Keep in mind that churches today do not have the resources to replace a deceased husband's income.
Is it okay to be a stay at home wife, as in before you and your husband have kids? And what if as a couple you don't have kids, is it okay still for the woman to be a stay at home wife rather than going out and getting a job?

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