Should We Be Seeking an Intimate Marriage?

Many today are seeking for an intimate marriage as if it were the be all and end all of marriage. Is this God’s purpose for marriage? No! God's Word never says anything about this in regards to marriage. "Intimate" is a word made up by our culture and is difficult to define. Each person would probably have a different definition of what this looked like to them and if they don't find it in their marriage, they may want to get out. Couples who are so busy seeking for these things are partially responsible for so many divorces. God’s original design and purpose for marriage was for man to have a help meet, for a man and woman to become one flesh, to produce godly offspring and to exemplify Christ and the church.

God commands that what He has joined together let NO man put asunder. Therefore, marriage is for life; for the good times and bad times. To seek an intimate marriage or an exciting sex life every single time {which aren’t bad} misses the point and makes marriage about us instead of about Him. If marriage is about Him and only Him, we would view marriage in a whole new light.

We would seek to look like the church in relationship to Christ. We would seek to please our husbands, submit to, obey, reverence, and love deeply since this is how the church is supposed to be towards Christ.  It wouldn’t matter if there was intimacy {not talking about sexual intimacy here} or not since we never base our marriage or our relationship to Christ on feelings or emotions. If you are married to a husband who has no desire to have an "intimate" marriage as you define it, remind yourself the purpose for marriage. 

The reason all these books about experiencing God and having a more intimate relationship with Christ are so popular is because people are seeking an experience and emotions over obedience. People walk away from Christ if they don’t “feel” in love with Him and have emotions about Him. People walk away from marriage if they don’t “feel” in love with their spouse and have no emotions for them and feel no intimacy towards them. Marriage and our relationship to Christ have NOTHING whatsoever to do with feelings and emotions. It has everything to do with a lifetime commitment. The irony of the whole concept is that the more committed you are to your spouse and to Christ, the better chance you have of experiencing feelings and emotions of love towards them and gaining an intimate marriage! Ken and I are a testimony to this fact and we love being married now.

All of the sex books that couples are reading lead to disappointment also and put the fulfilling sex act on such a difficult level to sustain. Imagine how most generations lived before ours. Many lived in one bedroom homes or at least very small homes with many children in them. The men were so busy making a living and providing for their family while the women were busy taking care of their children and homes that they had no time for special date nights and romantic, exciting sex lives. They knew their marriage was to be one flesh, produce offspring, and love each other until death do they part. 

Therefore, if you don't have an "intimate" marriage or a fulfilling sex life the way you would like, remind yourself what God's purpose for marriage is and be a covenant keeper; one who desires more than anything to please the Lord rather than please yourself. Instead of seeking an intimate relationship with your husband when he is not interested, seek a peaceful, loving and committed relationship instead! Instead of seeking an intimate and emotional experience with the Lord, believe what He said, who He is, and what He did, then begin obeying Him by walking in the Spirit.

"The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God's glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ's covenant relationship to His redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and His church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream. Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant" {John Piper}.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:7-9
photo source