Friday, July 1, 2016

Blogger Under Fire for Sexist Post: Men Should Never Do Housework


This title would certainly grab most people, don't you think? Another magazine has picked up my viral post – The US Weekly. The title was Blogger Under Fire for Sexist Post: Men Should Never Do Housework. Of course, I never said it this way but it’s a great way to get people to read their post about me. They like to sensationalize it. This doesn’t bother me. Many have twisted my words to make them out to be more than I ever said but this is okay. I know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose {Romans 8:28}.

 A few feminists, however, understand the logic in my post. Ethel commented on the US Weekly Facebook page; "In a crazy way I kinda agree with her. Think about it, the husband goes out and works all day while the wife is a 'stay-at-home wife." So he works outside the home and she works at home cleaning and cooking, etc. So now you want him to work outside and inside the home? When does he get a break? I'm not saying that he shouldn't help, but if she's a stay-at-home mom, I would expect her to do the home chores. Now, if they both work outside the home, I would expect both to help with the home-chores. It's that simple people!!"

Emily wrote on the same page; "My husband works. I stay home with the kids and I clean. There are some days where he helps out but mostly I take care of the house. That's my job. (Even though I don't get paid)." Rose responded, "I think if the woman doesn't work then yes, there's no reason why she can't do the majority of the housework, but if both work then they should both do it!"

The last comment is common among women. If they have to work outside of the home, then their husbands should help with the housework. The only problem with this sentiment is that the women are deciding what the husband should do and this isn’t their place to do it. In practicality, yes, a husband should help around the home if he is insisting his wife work outside of the home, but it’s still not up to us to tell him to do this since he is the head over his wife. If you know that your children need you at home full-time but your husband wants you in the workforce, 1 Peter 3:1-6 is God's prescription for you, not demanding your way. However, most women are working outside of their home today since they are the ones who have chosen to do this, therefore, they expect their husbands to help them with housework since working full-time and keeping up the housework is too much for them.

When a woman decides she wants a career and be away from the home, then expects her husband to help with the housework, it’s a recipe for disaster. Nowadays, some men are willing to step in with housework but many are not. Most men have no desire to “keep the home” like the women do. They would rather "build the home." This creates a power struggle that often will lead to divorce. Many times it’s the little things that cause divorce, not the big things. 

When I was upset with Ken about not doing his “fair share,” our marriage was in the tank. A wife can’t live her life being upset with her husband and wanting to control him. It doesn’t work. I love what Kimberly wrote on my Always Learning Facebook page; "My husband has a job. He works eight to ten hours a day, and he supports not only his four kids, but my two, and me. He works hard all day long. As of this moment, I don't work outside of the house, so my job is to help keep the house clean, teach and raise children, and do the jobs my husband can't do because he isn't home. He would love to be home, but how would we survive? So I help him do what he can't do. At least one parent/spouse has to work, so the one at home must take up the other half of the work!"

Even the woman who cleaned my teeth the other day at my dentist office who works two days a week exclaimed, “I don’t want my husband to help with the housework! He works so hard every day, fixes things around the home, and needs some down time. Besides, I do a much better job keeping the home clean and tidy” and she’s not even a Christian!

Finally, I want to end this post by quoting Nikki, in the chat room, after I asked why they thought this post went viral. “The world is inherently selfish, everyone wants to know what someone can do for them, not vice versa. Telling women to not have expectations and to do whatever they can to make their husbands lives easier is teaching sacrificial love, which is God's way and leads to true happiness, but it's sadly very much against human nature. The Christian women who are offended by this clearly need to dust off and read their Bibles!”

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

Comments (18)

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The world attacks only one thing: scripture, for it is God Himself. And the world is of the father of this world. They attack anyone who champions scripture because they are really attacking God. Be thankful to take the heat, right along with Christ who presented Himself as the truth.
1 reply · active 456 weeks ago
You are so right, Dave. They are attacking the Lord and this is why it troubles me when "Christians" are attacking me. Don't they realize that it's not me they are attacking? I admit I am not perfect and don't always say everything in the "right tone" or without enough "grace" as people tell me, but I am trying to do my best and am learning along the way.
Perfect scripture to end this post. How awesome to have the word of God put into the world. I'm sure many more Christian women have found your blog since all of this has happened. So many will benefit by these teachings. The more I learn to serve, respect, and submit to my husband, the freer I feel. Makes me feel ill to think of the many husbands suffering under the reign of wives who demand equality while they lord over their husbands. Better to live on the corner of the rooftop! I suppose it's naive of me to be surprised by how many Christian women deceive themselves into believing they can ignore the many calls to submission in marriage. I saw one woman reference Ephesians on your Facebook page. She included the verses about the husband and about mutual submission and left out all of the verses regarding wives' submission to their own husbands! God will not be mocked. By the way, I also love your writing style and tone. I know some Christian women will say, "Well, it's not so much what you say, but how you say it." They somehow overlook how the word of God, like the verse you included from Hebrews, is powerful and doesn't worry about stepping on toes!
6 replies · active 432 weeks ago
You are so right, ALM, there always has to be a leader and if the husband isn't the leader as in an "egalitarian" marriage, it is usually the wife who is. Thank you for the encouragement. My favorite types of teachers and preachers are those who don't mince words, give it to me straight, and are convicting and challenging like Spurgeon, MacArthur, Bauchaum, and Pearl.
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 456 weeks ago

Your comment reminds me of Psalm 119:165: "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them."

I too appreciate Lori's plain spoken, straightforward, and Scriptural way of teaching. The world certainly will be offended by the Bible's doctrine about a woman's role and place, but when women who profess to be Christian are, something is seriously wrong. Our love for the Lord's law should be greater than offense.
Thank you, Lady Virtue! You always encourage me and I appreciate it.
You are right :) it's refreshing to see others who haven't twisted this scripture into something it's not. It's interesting ALM that you mentioned equal submission of husbands and wives, because my husband and I just studied Ephesians 5:21 recently and wrote blog post on it.

Many people misinterpret this scripture thinking that the submission of the man is some kind of abdication of his authority over his wife, or that suddenly all other verses regarding submission of the wife no longer apply. The verse is written: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ“. The submission of the husband is to give up his life to wash her in the word, love her as he loves himself, and care for his wife. Nowhere in scripture are husbands instructed to abdicate their leadership, or decision making authority in marriage. The submission of the husband never includes sharing the position of headship with his wife, contrary to what many would like to believe.

This verse, Ephesians 5:21 should not be used as it is today by “feminist Christians” (which is an oxymoron in and of itself) as a poor excuse to argue that roles aren’t set in stone and that wives don’t really need to submit to their husbands in everything. It is a ridiculous picture to paint and suggest that Paul somehow nullified the roles he pointed out in the remainder of Ephesians 5, with the very sentence preceding them. If we want to do things The Lord’s way, the best way, the way to bring happiness to our marriages, there is no such thing as submitting to one another in marriage equally (with equal authority) and/or with interchangeable roles.

Again thanks for sharing ALM! I'm glad to see when others aren't afraid to point out what you've mentioned in your post. I agree also that the more I submit to my husband the freer I feel. There's just a peace that's always there :)
Eph 5:21 is usually abused in the hands of feminist thinkers. It only applies to the brethren. Marriage is a special relationship outside the brethren and actually foundational to the brethren even existing, for husband and wife are one. There are no separate beings in marriage in the Lord. There is, however, equality between brethren. There can’t be equality in marriage because there are not 2 separate people in the Lord.

But, the REAL ISSUE in understanding Eph 5:21, and all scripture, is that scripture [OT and NT] is foundationally written to men, as the representative of God. God is saying to men in 5:21: ‘think of the other more highly than yourself.’ God is saying to men in 5:25: husbands, ‘do all the things Christ did, in living as one with your wife.’ And God is saying to men in Eph 5:22: ‘instruct wives to surrender to their husbands’ [which for wives IS surrendering to the Lord] which for the husband in so instructing IS living out his 5:25.

Part of the bogusness of the church is that we have disregarded that scripture is written to men. Even Prov 31 and “Children obey …” Those are all written for men to disseminate, administer and enforce. We are not fluent in understanding this. We don’t have this as a base perspective for how the church operates.

God gave the word to Christ, to disseminate, administer, and enforce. And that is the model for men. Consider why Paul said only men speak in church and if women have a question ask their husbands at home. Scripture is written to men. [And men instruct women to fulfill Titus 2] It is no coincidence that as things unravel in this world, getting further from God and the truth, that scripture has left the hands of men.

But not to worry. God is breathing over His men as we speak, and they will rise to their feet and become His great army. And, not as a BTW but as an important part of this: the beautiful spirit of the Lord in all the comments here goes NOTICED. Praise the Lord and may He richly reward you all!
I absolutely agree that mutual submission as stated in Ephesians is not referring to the marriage relationship. I just meant to say that those verses in Ephesians are what a Facebook commenter on the Always Learning page used incorrectly to make her point. I know there are many Christian women who use the passage of being subject to one another to overrule the clear teachings of wive's submission to their husbands in everything. The way the woman posted the scripture was just such a blatant twist of scripture, it made me angry! It's like she'd never really read Ephesians before, which may be. The peace of being submissive to our own husband is really the reward of being obedient to God. The day I understood that my purpose in serving God, His will for me, was to serve my husband in obedience was the most exciting and freeing realization I've had. I didn't know how I was supposed to serve God first and then my husband. What I needed to know was in serving my husband, I was serving God! Without that understanding, I would have had to find a purpose independent of my husband to serve God, but that didn't seem to fit a two become one biblically submissive model of marriage. It's really a problem that Christian women fight this because they fight God's plan for oneness by being disobedient. It's a fight against the representation of marriage as a reflection of Christ and the church. Thank you all for your responses. :)
HappyHomemaker's avatar

HappyHomemaker · 456 weeks ago

I know I always thank you for writing your blog because it is so refreshing to read, especially for me as there aren't many women I know who believe the way I do. But I also want to thank you for not backing down or becoming intimidated. It lets everyone know that you believe what you write and your faith isn't shaken by trials. Your response to all this attention is a great testimony. Keep up the great work Mrs.Lori!
1 reply · active 456 weeks ago
There is a verse about this, HappyHomemaker, and I wish I could remember what it was but if our faith is strong in the Lord and His Word nothing should cause us to back away from it. "On Christ the solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand..."
I just recently found your blog and I appreciate the fact that you are willing to speak out about so many things that I find myself contemplating also. It isn't easy to find others in everyday life who even seem interested in such things. Thank you. And I love that song.....
1 reply · active 456 weeks ago
Sadly, Mandi, it is rare and many don't want to teach them since they are completely opposite of what most women are doing today. Thank you for the encouragement!
ContentWife's avatar

ContentWife · 456 weeks ago

Dear Lori,
Saying a prayer for you as you go through this. Who knows, maybe the Lord will use this situation to reach someone who needed to hear the truth. You're a beautiful woman speaking beautiful truth. Thank you!
In a strange way, we can almost consider it a compliment to suffer persecution. The world first hated Christ and therefore will also hate us when we teach righteousness. There are so many encouraging scriptures on persecution (that I'm sure you're already aware of), in fact too many to even list here.

Teaching the truth is so important. Someone has to stop blurring all of the lines into shades of gray and pretending like all things are acceptable. The truth is black and white. For example, today even gender has become a free-for-all; you can be whichever gender you want and use either restroom (as mandated by law). I'm still trying to figure out how gender isn't black and white. It's like a virus that swept into our "church culture" where everyone is so afraid of speaking the truth. It's everywhere. Even the pope in a recent meeting in Rome instructed Christians to apologize to homosexuals for how the church body has "discriminated" against them. We are supposed to love all people regardless of any sinful behavior but we can't stop teaching the truth! No wonder people are so confused with so many false teachings and this free-for-all, don't speak the truth attitude. Maybe it's a fear of losing financial support, or persecution. In trying to be relative and accepting of all, the body of Christ has become afraid to distinguish black from white, light from darkness, truth from deception.

Never stop speaking the truth. You are doing a most important work Lori!
Funny that out of everything you've written about, doing housework goes viral.

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