Unloved, insecure husbands and wives are becoming rampant these days due to mothers working outside of the home. When they were babies, the one person who was supposed to love and care for them the most wasn't around often. Therefore, they spent the majority of their days with others, many times it was with strangers. Unfortunately, these babies usually grew up not knowing how to love or bond with others.
How does a wife deal with a husband who was not loved or cared for in the way that he should have been? How does she help with his insecurities, mental instabilities, and inability to love as he should? She loves him deeply; this is how. When she took the vow to marry him, she vowed for better or worse, through sickness and health until death do they part. If all women who were married to men like this and wanted a divorce, there would be a lot of divorces. Oh wait, there are a lot of divorces.
When women ask me these kinds of questions, I always go back to God's prescription for them, 1 Peter 3:1-6. They continue to be in subjection to their husbands and win them by their godly behavior, not their words. Most underestimate the power of a transformed life to change others. When a husband sees a joyful, loving, and caring wife in spite of his behavior, he will most undoubtedly be drawn to her and want what she has. If he believes on the Lord Jesus Christ, he will be filled with the Spirit and be transformed by the power of His name.
There is no other way that I know of that works better than this. How could puny me or anyone else think up something better than our great God? We can't! Human ways will never compare to God's ways. Will it be difficult and will there be trying times? Of course there will be and her husband may never repent but she can stand firm in the knowledge that she has done everything she can to win her husband to the Lord and was obedient to the Lord in the process.
You see, one day we will all have to stand before the Lord to give an account for our deeds while on this earth whether good or bad. A wife who stays with an unloved husband is storing great treasures in heaven. He is seeing Jesus in her and will have no excuse for not accepting Him as his Savior. She can remain joyful knowing whom she serves and what awaits her for eternal life. Yes, life may be tough for her down here but the Lord will give her His strength and peace along the journey.
If you are blessed with children, stay home with them full-time so they will be loved for, cared, and bonded with their mother. This will make it much easier for your children to love, care, and bond with their future spouse. What a gift this is to your children, women! Nothing can surpass this in your children's lives and their future spouses may one day thank you.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2
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Ken · 454 weeks ago
"According to the largest study ever conducted on personality disorders (PD) by the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH), 5.9% of the U.S. population has BPD (Grant et al. 2008) and 6.2% has NPD (Stinson et al. 2008). As some people fit both diagnoses, about 10 percent of the U.S. population has BPD and/or NPD." https://www.bpdcentral.com/faq/personality-disord...
Last night I got a phone call from a friend asking how he might coach a 14 year old who appears to be responding to his friendship when his parents are concerned that he is displaying anger and other anti-social behavior at school.
I asked the question: "Did he bond well with Mom and Dad at an early age." The answer was, "Dad abandoned the family when he was very young and Mom worked and when she wasn't working enjoyed friends and lots of activities. She''s as social butterfly."
Not all children are going to develop significant mental/emotional diseases just because of inadequate bonding in the early months and years, but if the psychologists have now begun to identify one of the key reasons why many, 5-10%of the population in America may be getting these serious issues of the inability to carry on meaningful relationships, we should be paying attention.
It's one more major reason for giving Mom's an alternative. The choice to be SAHM's. But even SAHM's need to recognize the important of time and bonding with their children.
Lisa · 454 weeks ago
Ken · 454 weeks ago
It's amazing when you take a step back and analyze thinking, all of our different thinking, how much is driven by the world, and our own need for approval from others, instead of resting in God's will for our lives. I understand your need to keep accomplishing things that others will see as important, yet the important things of life, including down time to refresh and exercise takes a back seat to this driven mindset. And who or what is driving us? The whispers of parents and sometimes the world's whispers. Not the whispers of the Spirit who needs to be our guide.
PEHP · 454 weeks ago
guest · 454 weeks ago
I decided to take this advice years ago and still apply it by being a listener and communicating when they hit the teen years.
Lori Alexander 122p · 454 weeks ago
Mrs.M · 454 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 454 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 454 weeks ago
Raquel · 454 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 454 weeks ago
Mrs.M · 454 weeks ago
Kate · 454 weeks ago
Thanks so much for your post and for standing up for the truths in God's word. I whole heartedly agree with you and love reading your articles. I have a question concerning a spouse who is a saved, called to preach, teaches Sunday School, grew up in a legalistic, Christian home, and is now using his liberty (I feel) for the flesh. Does 1 Peter still apply for this, or should something be said in this kind of situation. This is concerning my son in law....my daughter is having a really hard time with this. He began social drinking and smoking cigars, occasionally, and is now resorting to them every evening before bed, (whiskey, and bourbon, not wine). She wants to be a godly wife and respond correctly, but is really unsure what to do in this kind of situation. Some would say he is not sinning, as long as he is not getting drunk....but it is a dangerous slippery slope and we are very concerned. My daughter has tried to share her concerns, but he does not see this as an issue. She came to me with advice several months ago, when he was just doing this occasionally, and I told her to win him without a word and Let God change his heart. He doesn't see this as sin, so he continues and now that it is most evenings, I am getting even more concerned. I would like the right perspective on this so I can counsel her effectively. Does she just wait it out and let the Lord work in his heart, should we lovingly intervene, should she go to the leaders in the church? Thanks so much for your time.
Lori Alexander 122p · 454 weeks ago
I believe 1 Peter 3:1-6 is her go to biblical advice. He is not hurting anyone and if he is not getting drunk, she needs to give it to the Lord to convict and change him. He probably enjoyed doing this before he was married and doesn't believe these to be sin as many don't. If I am not mistaken, the great C. S. Lewis did the same. She needs to stop worrying and cast her cares upon the Lord and love her husband as the Lord has commanded her.
Kate · 454 weeks ago