Guest post by Happy Homemaker
(Since I already have two amazing daughters-in law!)
I don't know who
you are (yet), but please know this, I have prayed for you since my son was six
or seven years old. Back then, I didn't know what I know now about my role as a
help meet, so my prayers were simple and along the lines, “God, I pray that he marries
a loving, Christian young lady”. But as time has gone by and I have read books
and blogs and finally realized and embraced my role as a help meet, my prayers
have gotten more specific. You see, I realize that being a loving, Christian
young lady will not make a marriage joyful. Only fulfilling your God-ordained
role as a help meet will. I may not pray these exact words every day, but
please know that I have prayed them often.
Also, please know
that I will love you and I will try my best to like you, after all, my son must
love you since he wants to give you his last name. Do you know what an honor
that is? I never thought about it really until one day my husband and I were talking
and the subject came up what would happen if one of us passed away. He told me
that he would not remarry and that I was the only one who would get to have his
name. Now I realize that you never know what path God will take you down, but
just hearing him say that made me realize that it must be a big deal to him to
have someone take his last name. Respect this and don't take it for granted.
I have prayed that
you will find it an honor to be a wife and mother. In these times, that is a
very unpopular thing, but I promise you there is no greater joy than to take
that role seriously and do it to the best of your ability. I am so happy and
grateful that I get to be a wife and mother. Feminism will try to take that
from you and tell you that you are a doormat or that you are in an abusive
relationship and they will often try to make you feel like a fool--- please,
please, please don't listen to this. Even well meaning “Christians” will try to
tell you that you are wrong and they often use the phrases that it was “the
culture at the time” or “well, the original Greek language says." This
frustrates me, because I do not believe you have to have a college degree in
biblical studies to understand the Bible. However, I know you were raised in a
world that declares women and men the same and not different and it will be
difficult to break those strongholds if they are deeply rooted, but the Bible
is the truth and it clearly lays out your role as a help meet.
Read and study
Ephesians 5:22-24 and Titus 2:3-5, I always come back to these verses when I
doubt my role. Men and women are NOT the same and it is a beautiful thing. I
take great joy and pride in knowing my husband is my provider, protector and
leader-- and I am not ashamed of this. He is much stronger than I, and I always
feel safe when I am with him. I am also more emotionally led, and he can see
past the emotions to make wise decisions based on fact and not emotions,
something I cannot always do. I believe men were made stronger physically so
that they could provide for us and protect us. I believe women are more
emotional because it helps them to be better mothers. I have no basis for this thinking;
it just makes sense to me. So, please do not buy into the “we are the same”
lie, you are not the same and were each created for a specific purpose. There
is great joy in reading the creation story and it brings me such happiness to
know that I was created to fill a need. God said it wasn't good for man to be
alone and he made him a help meet. (Genesis 2:18)
I pray you obey
and submit JOYFULLY. I am and have always been a hard-headed, controlling
person, so sometimes this is difficult for me. But, you cannot imagine the
peace that comes with submitting to your husband joyfully. You see, you can
submit but hold a grudge and remain angry. Yes, you are technically submitting,
but your heart is still rebelling. I could never describe in words how much at
peace my heart is when I submit joyfully. I always tend to think that I know
the best way, and to put it bluntly, that is pride. Pride is an ugly thing and
will cause you hurt and anger. If you submit grudgingly, do you think your
husband doesn't know that? Furthermore, do you think God doesn't know it? When
I first started this journey of submission, I did it grudgingly and with the
“just wait, he will see that I was right” attitude, and yes things did get
better in my marriage, but the real peace came when I submitted joyfully---
trusting in my husband that he doesn't take his role as our leader lightly and
knowing that he will do what is in our best interest.
It really boils
down to a trust issue; do you trust him to make decisions that are in the
family's best interest? You should, after all, you are taking his last name and
committing to spending the rest of your life with him and if you don't, don't
you think it's time? You see, we think that because the man gets to make the
decisions, his job is much easier than ours. But let's think about it for a
minute. My husband has the pressure of going to a job every day, and he works
in the hot and cold for forty hours a week to provide for us. If he doesn't
work, that takes money from the family. Not to mention he has to commute for an
hour each way and sometimes much more due to traffic. Once at his job, he has a
boss that he has to answer to. That seems stressful enough in itself, but add
on the stress of knowing that you are the provider for your family. You also
have to lead your family and make the decisions of what is best. I wouldn't
trade jobs with him for a minute. Yes, being a wife and mother can sometimes be
difficult, but in my eyes, it is nowhere near as hard as his job.
I pray that you
never stop laughing and smiling. I know my son has taken after his daddy and
loves to laugh and joke and play. I'm sure you did when you were dating, but
please don't fall into the trap of “I've got him now, so there's no need for
that silly stuff." Imagine being at work all day and dealing with
difficult people and then coming home to an even more difficult wife. Never be
that woman; always have a smile for him and a big kiss when he walks through
the door. Always show him that you have missed him when he's gone. Give him a
reason to want to rush home from work. We've been married for over twenty years
now and I still make a point to hold his hand, laugh with him, sit in his lap,
and flirt. Yes, he married me and I've got him, but I never want him to forget
why he chose me! Flirt with him often, and yes people will tell you this is
stupid too. I have been told by family members that it is just weird that we
still hold hands, kiss and flirt. I don't care what others think--- I married
this man because I love him and we enjoy spending time together, that hasn't
changed in twenty years and I will do my best to make sure it never changes.
So, again I say flirt and flirt often. If he's had a bad day at work, it will
be made worse by coming home to a grumpy, complaining wife--- so smile instead
and give him that big kiss and let everything else go. Make a point to look
nice for him before he gets home, always try to make him proud that he chose
you.
My favorite thing
to do for my family is to cook for them. Where we are from, cooking is a love
language! I love cooking and am always looking for new things that I think he
may like. When we first married, I couldn't cook, but trust me, it gets easier
with practice. To me, when my husband walks through the door and I have his
supper ready for him, it tells him that I love him enough to be sure he is well
fed. It shows him that I respect him and am grateful for him. And yep, I've
been called a “goody two shoes” and I've taken some heat from women who do not
do this. I've had several even get mad at me. (I don't know why, unless it is
conviction, because why would it matter to you that I enjoy cooking for my
family?) For me, cooking is a way to show that I love you and I appreciate you.
So, cook for him. Get some recipe books and give it a go. Visit cooking
websites and learn to love cooking!
Be grateful.
Whenever you get the “poor me” attitude, get rid of it quickly. Think on the
good things ( Philippians 4:8). Having a grateful attitude goes a long way in
making you a joyful person. Remember all the things that you are blessed with
and dwell on them. My husband isn't really the bringing home flowers type of
guy and I don't mind that. Why? Because flowers are not what show me that he
loves me--- providing for us, being my protector, allowing me to be a keeper at
home, laughing with me, making sure my car is safe, and many other everyday
things show me that he loves me. And yes, when he does bring me flowers, you
can bet that I am grateful, but just because he doesn't shower me with gifts
doesn't mean he loves me any less. And really, if you expect gifts to show that
he loves you, you are expecting him to perform for you and that's not love,
that's being a princess and I pray you were not raised to be a princess.
When the children
come along, he does not go to the back burner. After all, I remind my son
often, if there were no love between your daddy and me, there would be no you.
He doesn't come after the children, he comes before. One day those children
will be grown and if you have put him after them for all those years, don't
expect to even know him. You have to keep your love alive, and that does not
happen by neglecting your husband. Yes, you are to love your children and take
care of them, but their daddy comes first. I've seen the quote “The greatest
thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother” and this is
true for the mother as well. You teach your children to respect their daddy and
that he is the leader of the household by not putting him after the children.
And please don't buy into the guilt of not being a good mother if you put their
father first. The saddest thing for a marriage is when you become roommates
instead of husband and wife. Yes, love your children, care for them, but love
their daddy first. You will create a love and respect for their daddy that they
will always have. Yes, you are a mom, but you are a wife first! There is no
reason you can't be both and no reason you can't do both jobs well.
In closing, ALWAYS
appreciate your man, ALWAYS show him love and respect, ALWAYS be joyful and
smile!
Many daughters have done virtuously,
but thou excellest
them all.
Proverbs 31:29
